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Old 06-27-2021, 10:39 PM
 
176 posts, read 132,814 times
Reputation: 268

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Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
He probably doesn't want them. His current live-in squeeze most likely doesn't want them. He just has found that it is a great way to punish you and control you. Look how upset you are. I'll bet he is enjoying that.



Just call him up and tell him that you have decided that you want your freedom and that you are sending the kids to him full time. Then do it.


After they are gone, take yourself on a nice vacation and start dating. Take some fun classes.


Give him a couple of months and he will be trying to push the kids back on you for weekends and so that he can go and do fun stuff. Don't let him do it.


When he has the kids full time and not just on weekends he will have to stop being the over-indulgent hero. Give the kids a couple of years and they will be back, wanting their mother.


In the meantime, enjoy your life and enjoy the fact that your X is now tied down to child care and not enjoying all of his freedom that he expected when he divorced you.


Your kids will come back around eventually.
Yes,
This sounds like a power game to me, in which case the appropriate response would be indifference. Unless, his girlfriend is a decent person, in which case he may be trying to impress her while hurting you. He wouldn’t be able to admit that he treated you poorly so he’s likely playing the victim to gain sympathy from her. He’s probably gone into great detail about how horrible you treated him during your marriage... you sort of have to feel out both people to figure out the motivation and act accordingly from there. If his motivation is to trick the girlfriend into thinking he’s a good father and a decent human being than having full- custody of his children would serve that purpose- 9x out of 10 the woman still ends up doing the majority of the parenting regardless of blood relation. You are likely dealing with a man with a cluster b personality. Don’t try to make sense of it, just do your best to win the game. Power is everything to these types of people.
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Old 07-04-2021, 09:23 PM
 
318 posts, read 174,738 times
Reputation: 556
Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
He probably doesn't want them. His current live-in squeeze most likely doesn't want them. He just has found that it is a great way to punish you and control you. Look how upset you are. I'll bet he is enjoying that.



Just call him up and tell him that you have decided that you want your freedom and that you are sending the kids to him full time. Then do it.


After they are gone, take yourself on a nice vacation and start dating. Take some fun classes.


Give him a couple of months and he will be trying to push the kids back on you for weekends and so that he can go and do fun stuff. Don't let him do it.


When he has the kids full time and not just on weekends he will have to stop being the over-indulgent hero. Give the kids a couple of years and they will be back, wanting their mother.


In the meantime, enjoy your life and enjoy the fact that your X is now tied down to child care and not enjoying all of his freedom that he expected when he divorced you.


Your kids will come back around eventually.
Having lived with him for 9 years, I am fairly confident in knowing his motivations.

When we were together, he went through maybe 20 different jobs in that time. He'd either quit or get fired. He's always blame it on bad bosses or poor work conditions but when a person goes through that many jobs its quite obvious what the problem is. He was unemployed more than he was employed in the time we were together. He's lazy, and is always looking for the easy way out. Once, in the middle of our relationship, I was going to finally leave him after having enough of doing 100% of the working, 90% of the housework and him not helping with the kids at all when I was at home and him spending all the money, and he told me that he'd get the kids as he was a stay-at-home dad. I consulted a lawyer and was told that might indeed happen. And I suspect a major reason now for him pushing to get the kids is because he wants to get child support from me and claim the Canada Child Benefit (its a universal childcare benefit that the government pays all families for raising children). Right now, he won't challenge me in court though. Because he only has to pay $333 in child support to me per month now ($111 per child) which was set at a time he was unemployed, he won't try to take me back to court and risk having to pay me more because he is now employed at a rather good-paying job, one he's actually had now for 8 months. Unfortunately, I have a decent job in healthcare, not enough to live luxuriously or anything but enough that money isn't tight.

I also think he is trying to show his girlfriend that he is a great father. She has 3 kids of her own and I admit, she's a decent person. I suspect she's already started to see how messed up he is as they've broken up at least 5 times in the 3 years they've been together and from what his sisters told me, she was always the one to dump him. Last year, they broke their engagement for the 2nd time and he moved back to his parents for 5 months.
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