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Old 06-28-2021, 03:56 PM
 
Location: USA
3,030 posts, read 2,670,897 times
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This has been going on since he was 2. While it has subsided somewhat, it seems he still whines & cries often instead of using his words to communicate. My nephew can talk well. Usually, he has these emotional meltdowns and whines when he doesn't get his way or his older sister is being mean to him. I know his parents spanks him or threaten him with a spanking when he gets into his crying mode and is upset about something. I think that just makes it worse as I've seem them do that.

I try to nip it in the bud which helps by telling him if he continues to cry and whine about something bc he didn't get his way, a time-out in his room will follow until he calms himself down.

His Grandma, my mom coddles him by over consoling him during his crying episodes listening to why he's upset and talking to him about the situation. I think that's just doing more harm than good especially when he's didn't get his way and is crying about it. So if we're at a family get together & he's upset. If someone tries to discipline him, my nephew runs to my mom knowing he can get away with it.
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Old 06-28-2021, 04:14 PM
 
13,848 posts, read 23,340,903 times
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How did I suspect HappyFarm was the OP based on the title, before even opening the thread? Honestly, every child can benefit from a coddling grandmother. On the other hand, you should not be disciplining your nephew by sending him to time out(or any other method) unless his parents have requested that you do so. Gently ask him to use his big boy words,and let his parents raise their child.
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Old 06-28-2021, 04:23 PM
 
2,990 posts, read 5,143,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
This has been going on since he was 2. While it has subsided somewhat, it seems he still whines & cries often instead of using his words to communicate. My nephew can talk well. Usually, he has these emotional meltdowns and whines when he doesn't get his way or his older sister is being mean to him. I know his parents spanks him or threaten him with a spanking when he gets into his crying mode and is upset about something. I think that just makes it worse as I've seem them do that.

So, his older sister is mean to him, and his parents spank him.


Sounds like this family could benefit from some counseling.
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Old 06-28-2021, 04:43 PM
 
Location: USA
3,030 posts, read 2,670,897 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
How did I suspect HappyFarm was the OP based on the title, before even opening the thread? Honestly, every child can benefit from a coddling grandmother. On the other hand, you should not be disciplining your nephew by sending him to time out(or any other method) unless his parents have requested that you do so. Gently ask him to use his big boy words,and let his parents raise their child.
I do discipline him when I babysit. I’m not going just let the kids run loose doing whatever they want.

When his parents are around, the discipline of their children is their responsibility

Last edited by HappyFarm34; 06-28-2021 at 04:58 PM..
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Old 06-28-2021, 05:25 PM
 
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You used the example of a family get-together in your OP, now introducing a babysitting scenario. Either way, discuss with his parents how they want you to handle it (but definitely refuse to spank). He's a little boy, subject to frustrations, over-tiredness and teasing. If it really bothers you, bow out of the babysitting role. I always told my own three that I couldn't understand them if they used a whiny voice, then gave them a chance to calm down and try again.
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Old 06-29-2021, 05:16 AM
 
Location: USA
3,030 posts, read 2,670,897 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
You used the example of a family get-together in your OP, now introducing a babysitting scenario. Either way, discuss with his parents how they want you to handle it (but definitely refuse to spank). He's a little boy, subject to frustrations, over-tiredness and teasing. If it really bothers you, bow out of the babysitting role. I always told my own three that I couldn't understand them if they used a whiny voice, then gave them a chance to calm down and try again.
We don’t really discuss things when it comes to things like that. I agree, not to spank. If the parents do spank when he gets upset & cries at life’s disappointments, that’s on them. One thing I’ve noticed about them, they don’t always follow through on what they say which could be a reason why he stills cries & whines often.

I still don’t believe in coddling him and allowing him continue to cry & whine about something that didn’t go his way. He needs to learn control his emotions. As he goes to school, if he gets upset there, that will only causes other classmates to tease him and then avoid him.
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Old 06-29-2021, 08:40 AM
 
13,053 posts, read 5,692,632 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
This has been going on since he was 2. While it has subsided somewhat, it seems he still whines & cries often instead of using his words to communicate. My nephew can talk well. Usually, he has these emotional meltdowns and whines when he doesn't get his way or his older sister is being mean to him. I know his parents spanks him or threaten him with a spanking when he gets into his crying mode and is upset about something. I think that just makes it worse as I've seem them do that.

I try to nip it in the bud which helps by telling him if he continues to cry and whine about something bc he didn't get his way, a time-out in his room will follow until he calms himself down.

His Grandma, my mom coddles him by over consoling him during his crying episodes listening to why he's upset and talking to him about the situation. I think that's just doing more harm than good especially when he's didn't get his way and is crying about it. So if we're at a family get together & he's upset. If someone tries to discipline him, my nephew runs to my mom knowing he can get away with it.

I don't think your mom trying to talk to him about why he's unhappy is a bad thing. Sounds like she's the only one willing to listen to him.
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Old 06-29-2021, 09:16 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
90,452 posts, read 86,542,278 times
Reputation: 97153
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
This has been going on since he was 2. While it has subsided somewhat, it seems he still whines & cries often instead of using his words to communicate. My nephew can talk well. Usually, he has these emotional meltdowns and whines when he doesn't get his way or his older sister is being mean to him. I know his parents spanks him or threaten him with a spanking when he gets into his crying mode and is upset about something. I think that just makes it worse as I've seem them do that.

I try to nip it in the bud which helps by telling him if he continues to cry and whine about something bc he didn't get his way, a time-out in his room will follow until he calms himself down.

His Grandma, my mom coddles him by over consoling him during his crying episodes listening to why he's upset and talking to him about the situation. I think that's just doing more harm than good especially when he's didn't get his way and is crying about it. So if we're at a family get together & he's upset. If someone tries to discipline him, my nephew runs to my mom knowing he can get away with it.
His older sister is mean to him, but HE gets punished for becoming distressed about it? Are there any consequences for the sister? This is so wrong, OP! What would you and his parents prefer he do, in response to his sister's bullying: hit her? Or sit there, and passively take the abuse? Why is the sister allowed to chronically abuse her 4-yr-old brother? Why are people punishing him, instead of the sister?

The whole family sounds like they have issues, and are raising that poor 4-yr-old to have issues, too.
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Old 06-29-2021, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
41,326 posts, read 26,545,931 times
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You say he doesn't use his words, but he sits and tells grandma what's wrong?

So he IS using his words and communicating?
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Old 06-29-2021, 09:26 AM
 
2,382 posts, read 1,211,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I still don’t believe in coddling him and allowing him continue to cry & whine about something that didn’t go his way. He needs to learn control his emotions. As he goes to school, if he gets upset there, that will only causes other classmates to tease him and then avoid him.
So much research has proven you wrong. He needs to be taught how to work through big feelings. Spanking him for having feelings he doesn't know how to manage is just teaching him to shut down, ignore, develop unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc.

ETA: Time-outs and spanking are the lazy parents' go-to. Not a judgement, as I've done time-outs myself when I was overwhelmed. But extra effort is needed to build and sustain healthy relationships and learn lifelong skills.
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