Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
After reading through this thread, a few things stuck out:
1) Do not have a baby when you're living in a house with broken windows and rodents. Find a better spot. It doesn't have to be upscale or fancy but it does have to be free of vermin, warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Plus a safe area.
2) Wait until you're married. I know the opinion on this topic is split. However, my brother and his psycho girlfriend ended up living together and having 2 kids. They never married. When he discovered that she was cheating on him while he was working on the road, he wanted out. Also, she turned out to be the mother from h*ll. Since they never married, extricating himself from the relationship was a nightmare, legally speaking. Both kids were DNA tested as he had doubts about their paternity (turned out they were his). I remember my Dad saying that it would have been easier to end it all had they married.
3) You say you're BF works in landscaping. Does he have a registered company and is licensed, bonded and insured? Or is he freelancing and working under the table? If it is the latter, the IRS could catch up to him at some point---not good at all. Also, if he doesn't have any pay stubs to prove he has steady income, finding a better place to live would be a real challenge.
4) Leaving the age differences out of it, it sounds like you never so much as dated anyone but him. You've never experienced being in a relationship with someone else, even if it was brief. Yes, there are many people who marry right out of high school and have long, happy marriages until death does them part. Statistically speaking, the odds are against it.
Another good post. I'm late to this thread so it looks like all the great advice has already been given.
Are you saying, you can't relate to the risk women would place themselves in, if having a child out of wedlock? You have no idea what's at stake for the women? Really??
Yep, celebrities who have kids without marriage make the average person think marriage isn't necessary. I wonder how the kids feel about that?? I wouldn't have kids with anyone who isn't willing to commit to marriage.
Because he's only charging $1000/month, far, far less than the going rate for a decent home in coastal California. He probably told them, that if they want it "as is", he'll only charge $1000. But she says they're "lucky" to get that rent in their location.
$1,000/month rent, OP pays part, boyfriend works seven days per week, yet he worried about finances?
See, this is what happens when a 30-year-old picks up a teenager, and eventually moves her into a derelict property, and convinces her they're "making a home together". Now he's trying to convince her they're going to make a family together. And it all feels so adult to her, except for all the misgivings she's having, not to mention the condition of the so-called "home", the fact that the main so-called "breadwinner" works 7 days a week and comes home cranky and on edge, but plies her with dreams he can't afford, including a fictitious move "far east from here", that they can't even afford gas and lodging for to get there, wherever that may be.
I'm wondering if there's an element of Stockholm syndrome here.
3) You say you're BF works in landscaping. Does he have a registered company and is licensed, bonded and insured? Or is he freelancing and working under the table? If it is the latter, the IRS could catch up to him at some point---not good at all. Also, if he doesn't have any pay stubs to prove he has steady income, finding a better place to live would be a real challenge.
We'll need to get an answer from the OP on this, but this raised a flashing neon red flag to me. Aside from the fact that he's been "working" all the 8 years they've been together, since he was 30, but still can't make ends meet, if he's been working under the table, it makes me wonder: is this guy on somebody's wanted poster? Or is he an ex-con? Another good reason for hooking up with a naive teenager, instead of an adult his own age.
Let's hope the answer to the question is "no", and he's operating a legit business.
We'll need to get an answer from the OP on this, but this raised a flashing neon red flag to me. Aside from the fact that he's been "working" all the 8 years they've been together, since he was 30, but still can't make ends meet, if he's been working under the table, it makes me wonder: is this guy on somebody's wanted poster? Or is he an ex-con? Another good reason for hooking up with a naive teenager, instead of an adult his own age.
Let's hope the answer to the question is "no", and he's operating a legit business.
Plus, is he paying into Social Security? Or is he sidestepping it such that he will only qualify for a minimum benefit. No point making babies with someone who is planning for indigence in his old age.
How come newish members make you suspicious? I'm honestly curious
Our housing situation may have improved since that time, as that was a matter to me I really cared about. I don't update on everything I post on here. I almost considered making a new account because I feared I would be judged from previous posts. Life evolves and mostly what I have said in old posts hold true today but may have shifted a bit.
Also I'm tired of everyone judging him bc of superficial details they don't like, such as his age, how old I was when we met (never mind we are still together and I am well past my teen years), and the fact that he hasn't married me yet. I don't reveal everything about our lives to provide more context to these facts.
I'm not pointing all of this towards you btw, I'm just ranting based on what I have heard many others say, and not even just on here, but over the years I have heard the same criticisms about him over and over (ew, he was a 30 year old who dated a teenager, what a pedo).
Ultimately it's my life and it's up to my own judgement. I know I am choosing to share some things about my life with you guys and you all are nice enough to read over my issues, and I do appreciate your perspectives, I read over them carefully even if I don't always respond. So even though I don't always agree with what everyone tells me, I like having other people read over a particular issue of mine and providing me perspective.
Just... sometimes... I wish people were a little kinder and treated me more as if there is a human being behind this screen who is not unintelligent and also has feelings
I just wanted to say I wish you all the best and of course you have feelings and I am sorry if some of these posts have upset you. Be well!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
