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What’s the over-under on whether her parents like him?
No response to an earlier question re: what does her mother think of him. All we know is, that mom is apparently (?) ok with them having a child, as she (mom) has said she'd help care for the baby.
I wonder what mom thought about those living conditions. I wonder what kind of a home environment (physical and emotional) the OP grew up in.
OP, I'm sorry if our comments and questions are upsetting. But this is a very serious situation you're in, and the two of you are contemplating raising the ante on the seriousness of it, by considering having a child. We can't help but be concerned for you. Sometimes, this is what genuine concern looks like.
And, as is so often true when people post about their situation and ask for advice, "more info needed". We need way more info about this person, who's set you up in house that sounds like it maybe should be condemned, while he takes your contributions toward rent, and spends his income on trucks, earth-moving equipment, and whatever else.
Yes, I get that the explanation/justification is, that he's "investing" in a start-up business, and you say that things are finally starting to pick up a bit for him financially. If that's true, why is he planning on blowing some of that money on a trip (you say you/he can't afford) to scout out places to move to? And on supporting a newborn?
WTH??!! This is a guy without a financial plan, no matter how much he may claim to the contrary.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 07-22-2021 at 11:32 AM..
We'll need to get an answer from the OP on this, but this raised a flashing neon red flag to me. Aside from the fact that he's been "working" all the 8 years they've been together, since he was 30, but still can't make ends meet, if he's been working under the table, it makes me wonder: is this guy on somebody's wanted poster? Or is he an ex-con? Another good reason for hooking up with a naive teenager, instead of an adult his own age.
Let's hope the answer to the question is "no", and he's operating a legit business.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
Plus, is he paying into Social Security? Or is he sidestepping it such that he will only qualify for a minimum benefit. No point making babies with someone who is planning for indigence in his old age.
^^^^Good points.
There is another possibility --- He could be here illegally.
I think you should wait a bit. Give it at least a year. Get married first. At least once a week stream some episodes of SuperNanny and as a couple discuss the show. There’s lots of really great examples of family systems and disconnections between parents that are really great springboards for discussion.
I am married to a man with a bit of a short fuse who gets ruffled easily. I married him as a widow when my kids were all launched and I am sooooo glad I never had kids with him. Calm, deliberate, invested parents still struggle with the economic and emotional impact of having kids.
Do YOU want a baby now, without considering his wants? A baby with him?
Can you afford a child?
Can you take care of a child?
Can you afford and take care of a child if you separate from him? (divorce, jail, death, etc.)
If you enthusiastically answered yes! to each question (ok to be bummed about the last one), go for it.
If you've got doubts, hold off. You've got a few good years left.
I know a guy that was maybe 48ish when he let an 18 year old move in.
She may be 19 or 20 by now.
I believe she was 17 when they may have started dating. He said you have to finish highschool before you can move in.
She doesn't like to leave home much bc she claims panic attacks. He feels very used by her. And when they fight he threatens, "I'll send you back to your parents."
He is basically acting as her Dad.
And his sex drive is very low with her as both have told me this.
His job pays so low but last I spoke with them they spoke about babies. He wasn't successful with first son who seems to love/hate his Dad.
I told him she needs to experience life and you are taking advantage of her letting her be "locked" up in apartment.
If she went back to parents they would demand she work hence his threat to her.
It's interesting he feels used (I get that) but at same time she is only young and pretty for a couple years longer. You know how there are real beauties then just people that were hot up until 23 or 25, well, now is the only time she can meet men that would pay for her college or take her on international trips. She is just stuck in their apartment.
I quit talking to them a year ago bc it felt toxic but see on social media nothing has changed.
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