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It seems like many people I know do. Like they won’t be friends or will distance themselves from friends that never had kids. They can’t relate or they think it’s selfish. Some have even said to me the only reason for existence is to have kids. It makes me very depressed. There are people in their 40’s like me who I never thought would have kids. Then they did. I am one of the only ones that didn’t. TV shows, movies portray children as the most important thing even have some movies making women crazy if they can’t have kids. I could as far as I know but choose not to. Now I feel like I have no purpose.
I don't have kids and never understood this attitude that it's selfish NOT to have children.
What is selfish is when you do have kids and you complain about them all the time, how much time they need from you, how expensive they are, how messy they are, how you can't go anywhere etc etc etc.....
I didn't have children for my own very personal reasons.
One time someone asked, "who are you going to leave your stuff to?" I was flabbergasted. LOL
…but you are a kid yourself until you have your own. This is a perspective impossible to express to someone who does not have their own flesh and blood direct descendants.
The perspective shift that happens when you lay eyes on your child for the first time immediately after birth is completely unfathomable until it happens to you.
It is such a massive change that after that moment it really becomes almost impossible to relate to others who do not have kids, because they don’t get it. They can’t get it. And anyone childless reading this, I’m sure you disagree, because you yourself do not understand.
It’s like trying to explain the concept of color to a blind person.
"Selfish"? ......... I think there was a time when I thought like that, but now that I am older I realize it was actually more of a jealousy thing. Those of us who are now 70 rarely even considered the option of never having children. I mean literally! It never occurred to us!
The cat is out of the bag, now. Women will never go back to having oodles of kids. And many women will never have children. It's a choice.
Do I judge now? ......... No. I don't. Not at all. I don't know what I was thinking when I had children.
That's just silly thinking on the part of those people. Have kids if it's right for you. Don't if it's not. For some people, they really want to and things don't work out, but they go on to live a fulfilling life anyway.
Not having children doesn't make you less as a person. Focus on doing things in your life that bring you joy. What hobbies interest you? Go out and pursue them!
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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No, not at all. I can understand that people want to avoid the huge responsibility, the expense and time commitment that's required, or that they just prefer the freedom to travel and do what they want without having to arrange for sitters. I have a lot of respect for those that cannot afford kids and don't have them, too many do anyway. The fact is, you cannot really explain the joy of having kids, it's something that has to be experienced. Even more is the joy of becoming grandparents, and watching your children have kids. Those without don't know what they are missing.
…but you are a kid yourself until you have your own. This is a perspective impossible to express to someone who does not have their own flesh and blood direct descendants.
The perspective shift that happens when you lay eyes on your child for the first time immediately after birth is completely unfathomable until it happens to you.
It is such a massive change that after that moment it really becomes almost impossible to relate to others who do not have kids, because they don’t get it. They can’t get it. And anyone childless reading this, I’m sure you disagree, because you yourself do not understand.
It’s like trying to explain the concept of color to a blind person.
I hate, hate, HATE when people tell others that they just can't understand unless they have been there. BUT, when it comes to parenthood (and severe depression, imo), I have to admit that it seems to be true.
It is NOT selfish to choose a child-free life. That said, parenthood requires a certain amount of selflessness, such that parents who don't prioritize their children's well-being are the selfish ones.
No. I do NOT judge people who don't have kids. In fact I commend people who are brave enough to not only choose to not have kids but to admit it without apology. Too many people have kids only because it is expected of them. Society needs to recognize that having children is a VERY personal choice and choosing not to have kids when you know kids are not for you is absolutely not selfish. In fact it is quite the contrary.
I remember the first time I met someone who didn't want children. She said the idea of being pregnant was physically repulsive to her. I was shocked as I had never met anyone with that viewpoint before and I tried to imagine feeling that way. I didn't judge her or think anything less of her. I was glad she shared HER reason. I have since met many others who chose to not have kids for many other reasons (that they chose to share and not because I asked).
I am a mom btw. I knew that I wanted to be a mom and ONLY when I was ready. I was absolutely in love with the miracle of life that happened within me. For ME it was an incredible experience, but again that love for my experience existed because being a mom was my choice, what I wanted for myself.
I think is is HIGHLY arrogant to judge people on extremely personal choices. Everyone is different. Just because one loves or hates something, doesn't mean someone else would feel the same.
OP, you are always going to encounter judgemental people. If it's not about kids, it will be about something else (clothes you wear, what you drive, where you live and on and on). ONLY YOU get to decide who you are. Be happy and proud of yourself and own whatever you do. Wishing you the best!
Too many people have kids only because it is expected of them. Society needs to recognize that having children is a VERY personal choice.....
I don't agree with this impression at all. Anyone procreating against their innate desire in order to please the wider society would seem like a mental disorder. Coloring your graying hair because of society? Sure. Bringing life into the world? No.
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