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Is your son similar to his soon to be ex wife when it comes to parenting? If she moved out 15 months ago, does he get the children at his home half the time?
That's a great question! The reason/excuse they can't stay here keeps changing.
Over the 4th of July weekend, when my other sons and their wives & kids were here from out of town, my local son (the one going divorce with DIL) wanted his kids to spend a night at my house, since the entire family was staying at my house for the long weekend. At that time DIL didn't say the lack of pool fence was a problem, but said they couldn't stay here because we didn't have a crib for the 3 year old to sleep in.
She is calling all the shots right now, and my son is trying to go along with whatever she says, hoping it will somehow pay off in the long run.
Your son needs a better lawyer. Put a retractable pool cover in and use the rest of the money to help your son not get screwed by his soon-to-be ex-wife. He can still be kind and civil with her while defending his rights as a parent.
Is your son similar to his soon to be ex wife when it comes to parenting? If she moved out 15 months ago, does he get the children at his home half the time?
No, my son is much more relaxed. He's careful, he's safe, but he is not worrying constantly about every "what if."
He does not have the children in his home (what had been the family home) except for brief visits. No overnights. As I said, he has tried to go along with whatever she wanted. He wanted to be sweet and supportive, not argumentative, because he had hoped they would reconcile. For the first several months after she moved out, she said they would reconcile, but that "she needed more time." He now regrets being so passive for so long. He still doesn't want to argue or make her angry, so he's just waiting and hoping for a fair custody agreement.
Nothing about this makes any sense, knowing how happy and in love she claimed to be until baby #2 was born.
It just seems that the very root of the problem is you being way more relaxed in your approach towards young children, and your DIL being way more strict and regimented in her approach.
We had this problem between my husband’s extended family and ourselves. We had bedtimes for our children and no one else did. Sure we would bend them a bit while visiting, but we didn’t let our 4 year olds stay up to midnight. We insisted on “uncle†and “aunt†and “please†and “thank you.†Everyone thought we were too strict and would make passive aggressive comments.
It made me really hate visiting. Your DIL is doing what she thinks best for her children. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt?
Good grief. The poster isn't on the extreme side of relaxed. She isn't letting them stay up till midnight eating sugary treats and leaving them unattended. She has complied with every ridiculous demand, that apparently keeps changing and probably not followed by her DIL or other members of her DIL's family.
Good grief. The poster isn't on the extreme side of relaxed. She isn't letting them stay up till midnight eating sugary treats and leaving them unattended. She has complied with every ridiculous demand, that apparently keeps changing and probably not followed by her DIL or other members of her DIL's family.
I didn’t say she was on the “extreme†side of relaxed. I said she was “way more†relaxed, which given how regimented and uptight the DIL sounds, wouldn’t be difficult.
No, my son is much more relaxed. He's careful, he's safe, but he is not worrying constantly about every "what if."
He does not have the children in his home (what had been the family home) except for brief visits. No overnights. As I said, he has tried to go along with whatever she wanted. He wanted to be sweet and supportive, not argumentative, because he had hoped they would reconcile. For the first several months after she moved out, she said they would reconcile, but that "she needed more time." He now regrets being so passive for so long. He still doesn't want to argue or make her angry, so he's just waiting and hoping for a fair custody agreement.
Nothing about this makes any sense, knowing how happy and in love she claimed to be until baby #2 was born.
OMG, that's awful. The kids should be with him more. I hope he has a good attorney. Seems like he should have insisted on equal time at the beginning.
Your son needs a better lawyer. Put a retractable pool cover in and use the rest of the money to help your son not get screwed by his soon-to-be ex-wife. He can still be kind and civil with her while defending his rights as a parent.
Wise and true response.
The Son is not getting brownie points by kowtowing to the children's mom. It primarily will work against him ...she'll take advantage of him.i hope he gets full custody with the ex receiving some visitation. Let her pay child support
The divorce is not final. That means he should still have full access to the children. HE IS THEIR FATHER.
The OP's son sounds weak and he should stand up for his parental rights. The grandparents, IMO, should stay out of this until the divorce is final and there is legal documentation of the custody arrangements. Yea, they can discuss and advise their son, but jumping through all these rigid hoops is ridiculous. There's one thing being ultra conservative and safety oriented, as every parent has a right and responsibility to be, but it sounds like quite a bit of animosity between him and the soon to be ex. Why is that? Is she putting all these requirements on her own parents?
Agree that perhaps they will have plenty of time with the grandkids if the custody is split 50-50. If not, deal with it then. Pool should definitely have a fence. That is a no brainer.
Baby daddy needs a lawyer.
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I said she was “way more†relaxed, which given how regimented and uptight the DIL sounds, wouldn’t be difficult.
