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Honestly, I would let Mommie Dearest have full control, which is what she wants. Drop the rope. It's a power play and who needs it.
Anything for the quiet life.
I wouldn't even try to see them/babysit them.
This probably is the best attitude you can take. But, not seeing your grandbabies at all is drastic, especially if you’ve grown an attachment to them. How about taking them to a park or Chuck E Cheese or something similar and avoid the pool altogether? Pools ARE a big worry with little ones around. You can come back to the pool issue later on when they’re older, and in the meantime have fun with them outside your home.
That's just not true. The judge is going to be deciding what's in the children's best interests. If the judge becomes convinced that the children are not safe at their grandparents' house, he or she certainly can require that the kids not go there.
As an example of what judges can do, they sometimes require that the children receive supervised visitation with the non-custodial parent. This means that there must be a court-approved supervisor present at the visitation, and sometimes the visitation must take place at a court-approved location.
That's just not true. A judge will not order sypervised visitation on a whim, or in other words, just because the mother wants it. It has to be PROVEN that the children would be neglected, abused or otherwise detrimentally damaged alone with the other parent. If having a pool is the criteria, the idiot mother would have to be prohibited from having those children near ANY pool or body of water. She would have to PROVE that she would be diligent while the father would be negligent, whether at his parents' home or at the local pool.
No, there is not currently a fence around the pool. The OP is looking at getting one.
A majority of drownings happen in backyard pools because children are more likely to not be supervised at all times while at home. They can sneak out a door while an adult is distracted by a phone call, making dinner, or whatever. Young children are usually not left unsupervised while at the lake or river. They're also more likely to have a life vest or other location device on while at the lake or river. Most kids aren't running around inside wearing a life jacket.
"..our back yard is fenced"
So, there IS a fence.
That mother could drive out of her driveway with the kids in the backseat and crash her car while talking on her cellphone. The kids die.
Life is a gamble. Accidents happen. You cannot wrap children in cotton until they're grown to prevent accidents. This mother does not wrap them in cotton while she has them, but is expecting them to be wrapped in cotton when their father (or grandparents) have them.
The best thing for the children is for the mother to understand that she is not the only person to love her AND HER HUSBAND'S children.
That's just not true. A judge will not order sypervised visitation on a whim, or in other words, just because the mother wants it. It has to be PROVEN that the children would be neglected, abused or otherwise detrimentally damaged alone with the other parent. If having a pool is the criteria, the idiot mother would have to be prohibited from having those children near ANY pool or body of water. She would have to PROVE that she would be diligent while the father would be negligent, whether at his parents' home or at the local pool.
I hope you're right. It's just been my experience that sometimes judges do things we don't expect them to do.
That mother could drive out of her driveway with the kids in the backseat and crash her car while talking on her cellphone. The kids die.
Life is a gamble. Accidents happen. You cannot wrap children in cotton until they're grown to prevent accidents. This mother does not wrap them in cotton while she has them, but is expecting them to be wrapped in cotton when their father (or grandparents) have them.
The best thing for the children is for the mother to understand that she is not the only person to love her AND HER HUSBAND'S children.
C'mon. The back yard is fenced to create a barrier for neighbor children and wildlife, so they don't wander in and fall into the pool. It doesn't prevent a child from leaving the house and falling into the pool.
Child drownings in backyard pools are shockingly common and almost completely preventable. Fencing or covering a backyard pool when there are children in the home is not "wrapping children in cotton," any more than using car seats is "wrapping them in cotton." Children do die in car accidents, but you are in favor of using car seats/seat belts to increase their chances of survival, right? Or are those ridiculous too?
When my kids were little I had rules for my MIL also. Looking back, some of them did seem kind of silly. I actually get along with my in-law's really well. But there were a few times that she broke the rules, or wanted to, and it made me worried about leaving the kids with her. Little things, like she would feed them when I asked her not to, or let them sleep too long (then they were awake all night). And a few bigger things, like once we were driving and a baby was crying and she wanted me to take the baby out of the carseat to breastfeed while we were on the freeway. Yikes!
It sounds like your DIL doesn't trust you. I think if you do follow the rules and make her comfortable, she'll be more likely to leave them with you. Even if the rules are silly. Even if they are condescending. Honestly, I can see not wanting a 3yo to sleep on an air mattress. They can deflate, it is a risk of suffocation.
I'd guess she feels a lot of anger towards your son, and therefore you as well. It's not really fair, especially since you seem like a reasonable person. It seems like even normal people go crazy when divorces happen. My brother had one, and he read a lot about making sure to always treat his ex with respect in front of their kid. I think this is really important. Unfortunately, you can only control yourself and not her, so you don't know what will happen on that end. But when the kids grow up, they know the truth.
Offer a treaty, see if she will let you keep the kids at a different location that's kid safe with no pool. I think that she will keep changing the rules on you.
I wouldn't leave my home just so I could babysit, or have them over. That's a huge imposition. Quite frankly I'd steer clear of DIL at the moment. Anything MIL does is going to be wrong, wrong, wrong!
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