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How in the world did I “push him on a bad mentor”? I am not against him getting “additional training, but wouldn’t that be me pushing him to find additional/different training, which you say I’m not supposed to do?
I’m pretty sure they were so Mickey and pals backpacks.
What a ridiculous comment.
I know he needs to handle it himself; that’s why I’m asking for suggestions.
Glad you have some humor after the malieu of opinions expressed here.
I was making light of the fact that men are hitting the bar before attending to dropping off their luggage.
If you ever traveled and wanted to hit the town, you'd normally drop off your luggage , check in and then see what is happening in the area. So that part of the story needed a bit of clarification . Which still wasn't been explained. What did they do with that luggage ?
While I can appreciate your exasperation for difference of opinions , the ridiculous part is that the details are important . It helps us the responders to get the entire picture of events.
Glad you have some humor after the malieu of opinions expressed here.
I was making light of the fact that men are hitting the bar before attending to dropping off their luggage.
If you ever traveled and wanted to hit the town, you'd normally drop off your luggage , check in and then see what is happening in the area. So that part of the story needed a bit of clarification . Which still wasn't been explained. What did they do with that luggage ?
While I can appreciate your exasperation for difference of opinions , the ridiculous part is that the details are important . It helps us the responders to get the entire picture of events.
They took their luggage with them. I know my son said he was standing outside with his gear. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me either. Why they dragged an 18 year old along drinking doesn’t make any sense to begin with. (The next night my son did not go out with them and just stayed at the hotel.). I think the plane landed pretty late and they were trying to go out before the bars closed, so didn’t want to waste time going to the hotel first?
They then told my son he would have been free to leave and take an Uber to the hotel. I’m trying to figure out how he would have checked in, regarding reservations and credit card payments. Sorry, I don’t have those details.
Last edited by calgirlinnc; 08-10-2021 at 11:57 PM..
He probably wouldn't have been able to check in and would have had to wait in the lobby until everyone else showed up, but the lobby would at least have been a safe place to wait. Perhaps he can download some audiobooks or something to occupy himself on his phone assuming this may happen again.
I don’t want to sue. I just want a normal work environment for my son...but perhaps that can’t happen with these people.
Found out more today—that they’ve been like this from day one, and he didn’t tell us because he thought we would make him quit—-and he was desperate to keep working there and not have to go to college.
At first he thought their attitude was cool and rebellious while he was still stuck in high school. And now that he’s not in HS anymore and not feeling that constraint, he realizes that this really doesn’t align with his beliefs.
For their part, I think they expected him to become more free-wheeling after graduation, not more conservative.
Your son is not in a normal working environment, and they are not going to change to benefit your son. Their work culture is very clear. Your son needs to find a better class of people to work for.
I honestly don't see how your son is being harmed unless he is personally not comfortable there, in which case he can quit. He's old enough to make that choice on his own.
As a young man I talked about sex with my friends all the time, probably from the 5th grade on. Those comments were common at work as well among young people. It sounds like the others are in their mid 20's, which is not such a big gap.
It sounds like you are taking this far more seriously than he is. My suggestion is to let him handle it himself. Take off the training wheels. These situations are part of becoming an adult. You can't do that for him, you can only make him less capable by interfering.
Yes at his age I went away to college and didn't like it there. I didn't like the teachers or my living quarters. I told my mother I was unhappy and wanted to quit. She said go ahead. I got a full time job as a mail clerk, working with 30 and 40 and 50 year old co-workers, and became motivated to go back to college. I went to a different college and liked it and graduated in 4 years. They were my choices and it turned out well. It's up to the grown child, not the parent to decide what's the right job, the right girlfriend or boyfriend, the right friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
As I said, they had not even checked into the hotel yet. I don’t even think he knew where they were staying.
Yes. He’s also the youngest by 5 years.
Comments like this are why people often don’t report sexual harassment, still. Why is it hard to believe?
He did not tell his boss. He told his co-worker who was staying in the hotel room with him, “yeah, I told
my parents what happened.” The co-worker told the boss.
He is discussing it with me because these are moral, ethical, and spiritual questions that he is processing. He is building a moral foundation for himself. I am supporting him, not telling him what to do. Did you never discuss anything with your parents once you turned 18? I mean, good for you, but that’s not the relationship we have.
And you keep saying, “if he is an adult”...he is 18. That is not the same as being 45.
No. College kids are NOT figuring out what to do with harassment and hazing from their full-time employers. They are figuring out things out from their peers. There is an unequal level of power present in the workplace scenario. BTW, hazing and harassment are illegal in college as well.
I find it really strange that you are blaming my son, and you are blaming us, but you are not criticizing the employers.
I honestly don't see how your son is being harmed unless he is personally not comfortable there, in which case he can quit. He's old enough to make that choice on his own.
As a young man I talked about sex with my friends all the time, probably from the 5th grade on. Those comments were common at work as well among young people. It sounds like the others are in their mid 20's, which is not such a big gap.
It sounds like you are taking this far more seriously than he is. My suggestion is to let him handle it himself. Take off the training wheels. These situations are part of becoming an adult. You can't do that for him, you can only make him less capable by interfering.
Yes at his age I went away to college and didn't like it there. I didn't like the teachers or my living quarters. I told my mother I was unhappy and wanted to quit. She said go ahead. I got a full time job as a mail clerk, working with 30 and 40 and 50 year old co-workers, and became motivated to go back to college. I went to a different college and liked it and graduated in 4 years. They were my choices and it turned out well. It's up to the grown child, not the parent to decide what's the right job, the right girlfriend or boyfriend, the right friends.
He can talk to his friends about sex all he wants to. These are not his friends; they are his bosses. It is not acceptable in a working environment and that has been the law since 1964. Just because that was how it was when you were coming up does not mean that it is acceptable now. I doubt if I were writing about my daughter being subjected to this, you would shrug it off.
Having said that, you are overstating my “interference.” He came to us for advice and we gave it.
Last edited by calgirlinnc; 08-11-2021 at 05:11 PM..
What advice did you give him? How did it work out?
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
He can talk to his friends about sex all he wants to. These are not his friends; they are his bosses. It is not acceptable in a working environment and that has been the law since 1964. Just because that was how it was when you were coming up does not mean that it is acceptable now. I doubt if I were writing about my daughter being subjected to this, you would shrug it off.
Having said that, you are overstating my “interference.” He came to us for advice and we gave it.
What advice did you give him? How did it work out?
We advised him to talk to his boss (the one who didn’t leave him outside). He did do so, and it cleared the air on both sides, gave him some direction, and some assurance.
I agree with everyone that this is a crappy environment, but it’s a tough business and my son has to get used to that if he is going to pursue it. He still has outside support helping him shore up his values when he needs that.
We advised him to talk to his boss (the one who didn’t leave him outside). He did do so, and it cleared the air on both sides, gave him some direction, and some assurance.
I agree with everyone that this is a crappy environment, but it’s a tough business and my son has to get used to that if he is going to pursue it. He still has outside support helping him shore up his values when he needs that.
So...we wait and see.
Sounds good. Best of luck to your son going forward.
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