Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My two adult children ages 18 and 20 smoke way too much nicotine, cannabis, and drink too much beer for my liking. I don't know what to do at this point? I have no control and this behavior is ruining my relationship with them. I dont know what to do....I am so worried they will turn to bigger drugs and addiction next. NO support from husband at all.
My two adult children ages 18 and 20 smoke way too much nicotine, cannabis, and drink too much beer for my liking. I don't know what to do at this point? I have no control and this behavior is ruining my relationship with them. I dont know what to do....I am so worried they will turn to bigger drugs and addiction next. NO support from husband at all.
Well like you said they’re 18 and 20 and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Do they have jobs?
Are they in college?
Do they spend time with their friends?
Are they otherwise leading productive lives?
They’re adults so you have to be careful because if you push too much you’ll just push them away.
I’m almost 32 and my mom doesn’t agree with how much cannabis I smoke but I also work 65 hours a week, I pay my own bills, my apartment is clean and I have a decent social life and nothing is getting neglected because of my smoking habit.
In fact any time she gets angry at me she uses it against me and tries to insult me with it despite the fact that I work 65 hours a week and take care of my own crap.
They’re also their own people with their own life styles, personalities and preferences, they’re not going to be just like you or live just like you.
So far you’ve only complained that they smoke nicotine, weed and drink beer, none of which will lead to harder drug use, you didn’t complain about having to pay for any of it and you didn’t complain about it interfering with their jobs or school.
Sounds like it’s one of those things where you just have to live and let live.
Well like you said they’re 18 and 20 and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Do they have jobs?
Are they in college?
Do they spend time with their friends?
Are they otherwise leading productive lives?
They’re adults so you have to be careful because if you push too much you’ll just push them away.
I’m almost 32 and my mom doesn’t agree with how much cannabis I smoke but I also work 65 hours a week, I pay my own bills, my apartment is clean and I have a decent social life and nothing is getting neglected because of my smoking habit.
In fact any time she gets angry at me she uses it against me and tries to insult me with it despite the fact that I work 65 hours a week and take care of my own crap.
They’re also their own people with their own life styles, personalities and preferences, they’re not going to be just like you or live just like you.
So far you’ve only complained that they smoke nicotine, weed and drink beer, none of which will lead to harder drug use, you didn’t complain about having to pay for any of it and you didn’t complain about it interfering with their jobs or school.
Sounds like it’s one of those things where you just have to live and let live.
I worry because drug and alcohol addiction run in my family. I had a parent and sibling addicted. One of my children has ADHD and the other has depression. It’s a recipe for disaster. I hate sitting back while it happens but likeyousaidit pushes them away when I get on their case about it. It’s a lose lose situation. I’m just really disappointed in them for choosing these behaviors. They are both in college and work but they pay for nothing except their weed and fun. We support them fully financially
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,259 posts, read 4,326,350 times
Reputation: 13471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Monkey00
I worry because drug and alcohol addiction run in my family. I had a parent and sibling addicted. One of my children has ADHD and the other has depression. It’s a recipe for disaster. I hate sitting back while it happens but likeyousaidit pushes them away when I get on their case about it. It’s a lose lose situation. I’m just really disappointed in them for choosing these behaviors. They are both in college and work but they pay for nothing except their weed and fun. We support them fully financially
See your quote in bold and understand this, you are a complete and utter enabler of their bad behavior if that is the case. If you want to do something, cut them off financially. Set boundaries such as telling them if you find weed in the house, you'll kick them out. You don't have to support them and their habits.
If your husband does not support this, then you probably have bigger issues at hand.
No time for smoking & drinking if they are busy working to support themselves.
Good observation there.
Idle hands are the Devils playground.
I agree with the others - no financial support and see wat you can do about keeping them busy with anything else.
Your husband not caring is also a problem. Doing this on your own is crazy difficult. I'm sure the kids will lash out when you try to impose restricitions. And a family history of addiction is also a bad indicator.
Well like you said they’re 18 and 20 and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Do they have jobs?
Are they in college?
Do they spend time with their friends?
Are they otherwise leading productive lives?
They’re adults so you have to be careful because if you push too much you’ll just push them away.
I’m almost 32 and my mom doesn’t agree with how much cannabis I smoke but I also work 65 hours a week, I pay my own bills, my apartment is clean and I have a decent social life and nothing is getting neglected because of my smoking habit.
In fact any time she gets angry at me she uses it against me and tries to insult me with it despite the fact that I work 65 hours a week and take care of my own crap.
They’re also their own people with their own life styles, personalities and preferences, they’re not going to be just like you or live just like you.
So far you’ve only complained that they smoke nicotine, weed and drink beer, none of which will lead to harder drug use, you didn’t complain about having to pay for any of it and you didn’t complain about it interfering with their jobs or school.
Sounds like it’s one of those things where you just have to live and let live.
Yes but they can't legally drink until they're 21. Where I live, if underage are drinking under their parents roof, the parents get in trouble. OP has every right to be concerned.
I do agree with you on the cigarettes. It's legal @ those ages, nothing the OP can really do there.
I agree with the others - no financial support and see wat you can do about keeping them busy with anything else.
Your husband not caring is also a problem. Doing this on your own is crazy difficult. I'm sure the kids will lash out when you try to impose restricitions. And a family history of addiction is also a bad indicator.
Stay strong OP. I wish you the best.
You can keep them as busy as you want lol they’re still going to have time to drink and smoke.
I smoke when I get home from work every night and on my days off.
I agree it’s time for them to fully financially support themselves and she can only keep them so busy, they’re adults she can’t force them to do anything outside of working and going to school.
For their ages it sounds like they’re on track.
She didn’t complain that they were doing bad in school so it sounds like that isn’t an issue.
She didn’t say that they didn’t help around the house or that their rooms were nasty so I’ll venture to say that isn’t an issue either.
And they’re working and paying their all their “extras” from what it sounds like.
As long as they’re doing well in school, paying for their extras does it really matter if they drink and smoke? It’s not really that big of a deal, they’re college kids this is totally normal.
If you really feel like you need to do something maybe charge them a little rent, have them pay for their phones.
But don’t push them away over having their own life choices, your kids don’t have to lead the same except life you do, they are their own individuals, as they should be. It’s a personal choice to drink alcohol or smoke cannabis.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
