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It seems like you guys are confusing race and ethnicity which in turn is confusing the hell out of me.
Lets say the kid is b/w black side is dutch and white side is french. "My kids of mixed ethnicity and I want him/her to learn more about his dutch side" that makes more sense to me then "My kid is black/white and I want him to learn about his black side".
I understand every family is different. That has nothing to do with skin tone/race though that has to do with where the family is from, religion etc. If a kid is a 100% hispanic his two sides could celebrate things differently. Not because his skin tone/race but because one side is puerto rican the other is mexican.
I said
It seems like you guys are cutting off the younger generations part. Younger generations just do not care any more. I think ethnicity plays more of a roll in a younger person mind then skin color. I am a child of the 80s the topic of race never came up but ethnicity came up a lot.
I used the terms black and white side because both my kids and grand are fourth or fifth gen Americans. And, yes, it is about learning the cultures of both sides and about ethnicity. Thanks for refining what I am trying to say.
I remember when she was five or six and we went to a friend's AME church. (We lived in another area.) They had fans with a black Jesus face on one side. After a few minutes she looked up at me and from out of the blue said, "This black Jesus is freaking me out." While my son (white), then seven, thought nothing about it. That really startled me and I explained that Jesus probably looked more like that than the pix we see in our church.
I realize it is 2008, but in 2007 she was called the N word for the first time by a peer. I guess I just want to ensure that she grows up being proud of both of her heritages, because, from my perspective, she has twice as much to be proud of.
Make her get to know all that she is, not just racially but culturaly too. The more she is around more and different people the better understanding she will have of herself. She'll be able to see that there are good and bad in all races.
(I'm 1/2Black 1/4Mexican 1/4 Native-American.)
Don't force it on her but make sure that she is exposed to it.
-Also;about the Black Jesus. Wouldn't it be ironic if Jesus turned out to be what each of us discriminates against? How would we answer to that?
I used the terms black and white side because both my kids and grand are fourth or fifth gen Americans. And, yes, it is about learning the cultures of both sides and about ethnicity. Thanks for refining what I am trying to say.
I remember when she was five or six and we went to a friend's AME church. (We lived in another area.) They had fans with a black Jesus face on one side. After a few minutes she looked up at me and from out of the blue said, "This black Jesus is freaking me out." While my son (white), then seven, thought nothing about it. That really startled me and I explained that Jesus probably looked more like that than the pix we see in our church.
I realize it is 2008, but in 2007 she was called the N word for the first time by a peer. I guess I just want to ensure that she grows up being proud of both of her heritages, because, from my perspective, she has twice as much to be proud of.
I know I said I wasn't going to comeback. Ok this it really I promise!!
Yea like I said younger generations are more liberal then older gens and do not care as much. What's so great about younger gens growing up is even if parents try to enforce them to hate the older they get the more it goes in one ear and out the other.So sure it still exists but not to the extent. By the way her peer probably didn't mean it in an offensive way he probably heard blacks themselves calling each other that. Who knows!
Of course little kids care about ethnicity its not a learned trait its called curiosity something that is innate in all human beings. Its normal to ask someone who they are,where they are from etc. Maybe not at 5 but sooner or later they are going to ask. Its great that they care more now then before it seems like younger kids growing up are more worldly then previous gens. More and more people aren't seen as just black, white, asian but canadian,french, japanese.
I'm everything but mostly caribbean and irish. At least thats what I was told up until last thanksgiving my mom changed her mind and said I was scottish.
By the way what do you consider black culture HIF?
I guess I don't think of a Black culture as much as an African American heritage. Her mom thinks she is living the black culture and that we should let her move out to LA with her. Her mother is living in a ghetto culture and I have told her mom (a few years ago) that the way she is living is NOT a Black culture. That povery, multiple children with multiple fathers and unemployment is not a Black culture.
I'm probably overly idealistic. Zora Neale Houston, Toni Morrison...and the present day, I want her to see that being Black means being whatever you want, but knowing what got you to this point. I parellel it to the suffrage & feminist movement and what I hope she will take from being a female. Where and how far women have come. I don't shove the history down either of my kids' throats (and she is like my kid!)...but I have books that I have had for years and she (not my son- who is out there in 14 YO boyland!) reads them. I saw There Eyes Were Watching God on her nightstand last month.
What caused my mom to go off on me was that she was at my mom's watching a show on tV about slavery and said to her, "I could have been a slave." And my mom brought it up to me on another day and got on my case about it.
Her response was, "No you couldn't." Mine would have been, "You're right. Many have done much in order for people to be given the same opportunities. That's why we have to speak out if we hear people mistreating others."
Okay..that's teaching them values. That's teaching them to be better than their situation (regarless of race) . She'll experience being black (and all that comes with it) but it's the values that will get her through any situation.
Lest you think that I am pushing this on her and not my other kids- her dad's (my oldest son) first march took place when he was in a stroller...and that was 27+ years ago. I believe that we are here to make a dif. I'm not singling her out for my mind control- LOL!
Last edited by Magnolia Bloom; 05-16-2008 at 10:42 PM..
My question to those of you who are either BW bi-racial children or the parents of same, how important is it to know both of your backgrounds?
My mom says that it doesn't make any dif and that I am making too much of race. I feel that this is important for her to have exposure to both races on an intimate level.
I need help- it really got ugly tonight and my mom said that I was hyper- sensitive to this and that my belief would ultimately give her hang ups.
I agree with your mom. You shouldnt worry about it. Just raise her the same way you would as if she wasnt bi-racial (i.e., just give her love and support) and not worry about "Oh, she needs to understand the other side...blah blah blah". Dont force anything on her right now. When she's old enough she figure things out herself.
I have been parenting my bi-racial (B-W) GD and she is now 11 years old. My mom and I got into a disagreement tonight about the importance of her knowing the other side of her family, as well as her black culture. We are white and she has been raised in our white world. Since moving here four years ago, I seldom socialize- too busy raising her and my 14 YO son (her uncle)- and our church is predominantly white.
I feel that she should also identify with her black culture (not to mention the other side of her family). I think she needs to have a connection. Her mom is out of the pix, but she has a number of relatives about six hours away that would love to have an ongoing relationship with her. We have been to visit a couple of times, but for financial reasons have not been there more. Her great-grands are on a fixed income and so do not travel.
My question to those of you who are either BW bi-racial children or the parents of same, how important is it to know both of your backgrounds?
My mom says that it doesn't make any dif and that I am making too much of race. I feel that this is important for her to have exposure to both races on an intimate level.
I need help- it really got ugly tonight and my mom said that I was hyper- sensitive to this and that my belief would ultimately give her hang ups.
My sister went through this. My nephew is half Black/Irish and Native American on our side...and the fact that the father is not in his life made it especially difficult. We are stick on the same deal. He just turned 17 he looks black but attends an almost all white Catholic HS and from time to tme he will come home and say "Grandma, auntie, there are two more black kids at the school." He is not the usual stereo type, he is 6'3 and a football player who plays wow and listens to metal! lol! But what my parents did was contact his grandmother whom lives several states away and is also on a fixed income and they set up calls weekly for the both of them. This has had a great impact on him what began as a phone call times a week has turned into a pen pal type of relationship. She has sent him pictures of his family , history of their family, she has introduced him to his AA roots and it has really been great.
Do not bother arguing with your mom, you have the best intentions and do what you feel is right, every child deserves to know where they came from.
Much love and luck,
DD70
The term black culture refers to the black american experience in this country, which includes slavery, jim crow, civil rights, all that stuff. And the OP mentioned that the disagreement with her mom started when the girl was watching a doc on slavery and asked some questions. So I do not think its forcing anything down her throat to talk about black culture. Nor do I think ignoring her questions is a good thing either.
I don't think there is any one viewpoint of advice anyone can give the OP that would help her. She has got to do whatever is best for her situation. And if her daughter is curious and asking questions, she should address that.
I guess I just want to ensure that she grows up being proud of both of her heritages, because, from my perspective, she has twice as much to be proud of.
I have a niece (W) that has a mixed baby (2), her mom still can't get used to it.
Enjoy your granddaughter and teach her the way you want to teach her. I think she's going to be fine as it looks like she has a great role model.
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Black culture
