Both my kids want to quit cheer squad WEEKS before competition. WWYD? (bullying, games)
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Is there value in teaching commitment? Sure.
Is there also value in having happy, non-miserable children? Sure.
Is there value in teaching about boundaries and that you don't have to get walked all over? Absolutely.
This sounds like a dysfunctional, waste of money that is making your children miserable.
I don't know if anyone else noticed but it's not just the kids who are unhappy and want to pull the plug, the parents also want to.
In that type of situation the loss of two kids wouldn't even be noticed, the clique parents would say "Good riddance".
My Boy Scout troop was much like that, and it was over fifty years ago. We were told going in that there would only be one Eagle in our incoming group and who it would be and our jobs would be to help him make it happen. So I figured why bother after a couple years (I was a slow learner).
I don't know if anyone else noticed but it's not just the kids who are unhappy and want to pull the plug, the parents also want to.
In that type of situation the loss of two kids wouldn't even be noticed, the clique parents would say "Good riddance".
My Boy Scout troop was much like that, and it was over fifty years ago. We were told going in that there would only be one Eagle in our incoming group and who it would be and our jobs would be to help him make it happen. So I figured why bother after a couple years (I was a slow learner).
Yep, the entire family is miserable, not to mention that it appears to be expensive. Far better to devote time and money to activities the family (or at least the kids) would enjoy.
I understand that you want your children to understand what it means to make a commitment and the importance of following through. However, there is also something to be said for recognizing when something isn't working out. Do you want to throw away good money (air fair, etc.) after bad (the initial cost).
You've said this is a poorly run group. You aren't enjoying it, your husband isn't happy with it, your daughter's aren't having fun. Sometimes we need to be able to say something is a mistake and take measures to correct it. If your daughters are generally responsible and follow through on commitments I don't see how quitting a team sport that is poorly operated is going to scar them for life. It seems as if the entire family would be happier without this activity as it stands now.
Is there value in teaching commitment? Sure.
Is there also value in having happy, non-miserable children? Sure.
Is there value in teaching about boundaries and that you don't have to get walked all over? Absolutely.
This sounds like a dysfunctional, waste of money that is making your children miserable.
I agree with this.
I get the concept of "the hard lessons" of sticking to commitments. I do. But here's the thing, as I see it. The other folks...THEY don't want you there. They even dropped hints to your husband that the seats that you all would be taking would've been better served going to some other favorite. To me, it even looks like they've been trying to get you all to drop out.
IMO, seeing as you AND your daughters know how things SHOULD be run, and that THIS mess ain't it...I'd drop them like hot potatos. To what end, are we honoring this commitment? What's the long range goal here? That girls should continue to take dirt and ill treatment because they made a commitment?
IMO, seeing as you AND your daughters know how things SHOULD be run, and that THIS mess ain't it...I'd drop them like hot potatos. To what end, are we honoring this commitment? What's the long range goal here? That girls should continue to take dirt and ill treatment because they made a commitment?
Because sometimes people are mean, situations are not ideal, and things are unfair. You can’t quit every time people are mean, situations suck, or you are treated unfairly.
Children must learn emotional resilience and coping mechanisms to deal with such people and situations. Quitting does not teach them that. Quitting teaches that quitting solves the problem when of course it does not.
Parenting involves developing life long abilities and skills, and yes it starts at ages 7 and 9 in cheerleading, so that when they’re 17 and 19, they aren’t quitting school, and so that when they’re 37 and 39, they aren’t quitting jobs and marriages and their own children.
Assuming of course that the situation is not actually abusive or unsafe. Regarding cheerleading being a dangerous sport as someone said upthread, this is not college level cheer.
I get the concept of "the hard lessons" of sticking to commitments. I do. But here's the thing, as I see it. The other folks...THEY don't want you there. They even dropped hints to your husband that the seats that you all would be taking would've been better served going to some other favorite. To me, it even looks like they've been trying to get you all to drop out.
IMO, seeing as you AND your daughters know how things SHOULD be run, and that THIS mess ain't it...I'd drop them like hot potatos. To what end, are we honoring this commitment? What's the long range goal here? That girls should continue to take dirt and ill treatment because they made a commitment?
I'm sorry but a grown woman is going to get run off a team by 1 comment? The other folks are a group of 4 women out of 30 who are that insecure to make a joke like that. If it makes them feel good so be it. I, nor my girls, are cliquey people. I only brought it up just to give background on what was going on. I will happily talk to anyone, so do my kids, and I'm a pretty confident person too, so my husband and I had a very good laugh over the comment and my husband made sure NOT to move. But like I said, I am rarely around anyway to even see half the parents. The dissatisfication (sp) comes from a whole group of things, spoken about above. We are deep in financially, and I will go against some of the advice and stick it out. But we learned our lesson. My oldest does enjoy cheer, just not the drama that seems to go with it this year. She started to talk about the "drama" this morning and I immediately told her to stop and that she would have to focus on the positive.
Because sometimes people are mean, situations are not ideal, and things are unfair. You can’t quit every time people are mean, situations suck, or you are treated unfairly.
Children must learn emotional resilience and coping mechanisms to deal with such people and situations. Quitting does not teach them that. Quitting teaches that quitting solves the problem when of course it does not.
Parenting involves developing life long abilities and skills, and yes it starts at ages 7 and 9 in cheerleading, so that when they’re 17 and 19, they aren’t quitting school, and so that when they’re 37 and 39, they aren’t quitting jobs and marriages and their own children.
Assuming of course that the situation is not actually abusive or unsafe. Regarding cheerleading being a dangerous sport as someone said upthread, this is not college level cheer.
If your best friend, grown sister, grown daughter, etc. was dealing with the marriage equivalent of the dysfunction that OP describes, you wouldn't tell her to quit?
Yes, we can't quit EVERY time and we need to learn when it's appropriate to work through tough times and injustices. But...we also need to learn when it is indeed appropriate to walk away. There are going to be plenty of times that those girls are going to need those skills as well.
If your best friend, grown sister, grown daughter, etc. was dealing with the marriage equivalent of the dysfunction that OP describes, you wouldn't tell her to quit?
Yes, we can't quit EVERY time and we need to learn when it's appropriate to work through tough times and injustices. But...we also need to learn when it is indeed appropriate to walk away. There are going to be plenty of times that those girls are going to need those skills as well.
Bratty little kids on a cheer squad is bratty little kids on a cheer squad. It’s not an abusive marriage.
OP stated that her older daughter is “super sensitive”. I am a HSP (highly sensitive person) as is my son.
“Toughening up” is bad advice and can cause lasting damage. So can establishing a mindset of quitting. What can help are ways to create more emotional balance in the highly sensitive child so that they are not wasting their energy fretting about things they cannot control.
OP,, there are lots of books about parenting sensitive children—maybe they could be helpful?
Yep, the entire family is miserable, not to mention that it appears to be expensive. Far better to devote time and money to activities the family (or at least the kids) would enjoy.
Agreed. This just doesn’t seem to be a good fit for anyone.
Bratty little kids on a cheer squad is bratty little kids on a cheer squad. It’s not an abusive marriage.
OP stated that her older daughter is “super sensitive”. I am a HSP (highly sensitive person) as is my son.
“Toughening up” is bad advice and can cause lasting damage. So can establishing a mindset of quitting. What can help are ways to create more emotional balance in the highly sensitive child so that they are not wasting their energy fretting about things they cannot control.
OP,, there are lots of books about parenting sensitive children—maybe they could be helpful?
I'm not talking about abusive marriage because you specifically called out abuse/harm in the last line of what I replied to. That doesn't mean there aren't crappy marriages that aren't abusive. And no one should stay in a crappy marriage just to prove some point.
Again, everything can't and shouldn't be quit. But, there are plenty of times as an adult where it is smart, prudent, necessary, etc. to quit. Why should misery be foisted on the entire family to prove some point? Quitting one thing doesn't necessarily "establish a mindset of quitting."
And it's not just the bratty kids. They've paid good money to get sub-par instruction. What's the point?
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