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My immediate thought was way don't you just teach/promote "family values" by being good role models as parents? At first glance, it appears to be somewhat controlling or authoritarian to do this by ordering your child (and spouse?) to follow your "rules".
I'll use my family as an example. Both of our extended families value education. Did we use that as a club to demand obedience from our children? Heck no!
But, they did observe both Hubby and I continuing to further our already advanced degrees in our fields. Our children saw us taking classes and attending workshops on cutting edge methods in our profession, as well as reading professional journals and attending conferences and meetings regarding our careers.
Our children are now adults. One has a Ph.D. and has done a substantial amount of both independent and collaborative research in his field. The other just finished a master's degree, in another country completely in a foreign language.
Both of our extended families value reading. Did we force our children to enjoy reading? Heck, no!
However, Hubby and I were role models by showing how much we enjoyed reading. Our family had subscriptions to several newspapers and magazines, and also visited public libraries and book stores on a regular basis. Our family had a daily evening "quiet hour". It was a time to quietly read to ourselves or others or do homework or paperwork. Obviously, no TV or electronics, except soft background music (frequently classical).
As adults, our children continue their love of reading, as well as interest in current events. And have passed that love to another generation.
I could share example after example of ways that Hubby and I showed our commitment to key values by leading by example rather than making rules and demanding obedience. Volunteering, community service, political activism, equality for all, even caregiving are all values that we shared though our actions and behavior. Did we have to "make rules" for our family? Nope.
Should you "make rules" for your family to follow? IMHO, leading by example is much better.
Agree 100% with Germaine. Being a role model is the best way to impart values to children. We did similar things with reading, plus the bonus--they had to go to bed at a certain time, but they were allowed to keep the lights on for an extra 30 minutes if they were reading. Guess what my kids did every night before they slept?
Certainly we had expectations for routines and school work, etc. but these weren't written. They were communicated through a lifetime and on a daily basis when appropriate.
I can really see some sort of written document going wrong in lots of ways. It seems very controlling, and I imagine pre-teens and teens would resent it and rebel because of it.
If you really want some sort of family constitution than create it as a family. THAT could be a learning and bonding experience for the family. Even very young children know the difference between good and bad behavior and have ideas about what they would like. Doing at as a family would teach your children that they have a voice. That's all more important and meaningful than some arbitrary document that YOU BUILD alone.
And good gosh, families are not meant to be run like corporations. I hope you don't use this kind of business language with your children. Families involve emotions and love. Corporations do not.
Well, can't rules for home just be treating each other kindly and with respect? The needs of individuals, their strength and weakness, all are going to be different.
Well...actually, I don't think the idea of a document setting out the family house rules is so bad. I think it CAN be a really good idea, IF the intention is to treat ALL the family members in a fair and equitable way.
You can build in a system of review, where maybe once a month, the rules can be reviewed and changed if need be, with family member input.
It's good for children to know what the expectations are in a family, and should not have to guess, or walk on egg shells, worrying about upsetting a parent, or be treated like the scape goat, or red headed step child, etc.
"You," singular, should not be making these rules. "You," plural, meaning you and your spouse, could do it. If your intention is to use your family as a metaphor for the government, a written constitution would probably be a good idea. But if you're going to do this, I would recommend making it fairly generic, offering a framework around which decisions can be made regarding specific matters.
There are some pitfalls to avoid. Make sure the children understand the terminology you will be using especially by letting them have some input about what those words might mean. When I say input, it doesn't necessarily mean that the children get to define the words. It means that you find out what they know and teach to their level.
Parenting cannot be done by a set of written rules. First, there are situation that you can not prepare for and you will have to create a rule when it arises. Second, rules sometimes may not be in the best interest of your family in a given situation. Parenting should be done by setting a good example and then knowing that sometimes you have to adjust.
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