Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Put her on birth control. Tell her this boyfriend is not moving in. That even if she was twenty five you wouldn't be supporting any boyfriends. Also explain that if she gets pregnant that it isn't fair of her to expect you to be supporting another child. That children are expensive and you want to be able to retire while you are able to do things. And that you want her to enjoy college, not have to be encumbered by a baby. As much as it would be nice if she would stop having sex for a few more years it's not likely to happen. So birth control! Maybe a family counseling session or two to help her understand how serious a birth control failure will effect everyone. What's her Mother have to say about it?
I agree with this. And I would also add a frank talk about STDs and how they might stay with you forever, plus a talk about how she needs to be assertive in her relationships (that is, not letting any boy/man bully her into doing something she does not want to do - no means no).
First, I'd have a man to man (Man to boy?) talk with her Boyfriend. I think that could put a stop to this more than anything.
Second, remember that now, just like when we were in high school, hormones are a part of life, sex drives are natural and it is difficult for someone at age 15 to have the maturity or wisdom to see and understand fully what is happening. It is up to adults to educate and guide them to making good choices.
I agree too that birth control is a necessity, but teaching responsibility is more important after that. Herpes, Hiv Hep C all stay with a person for life.
Actually, some people clear the herpes virus from their bodies.
As others have mentioned, there's three things to focus on:
1. The skipping of school. She knows it's wrong, so why does she do it? It's important that you get to the bottom of this. If (and this may not be the case) she's doing it just so she could have sex, let her know that she doesn't have to sneak around to have sex... and worse, sacrifice her education to do it. Let her know that sex is normal and natural (*) and set the ground rules so that she knows how to do it without bothering the people around her.
2. Her grades. C+ grades are in need of attention.
3. Safety. Make sure she's having sex because she wants to and is not being forced to. Make sure she has the tools available to her to be safe (contraceptives, knowledge, etc).
(*) If she's Christian, it gets complicated. Have the conversation with her about whether she wants religion to be a part of her life or not. If she's interested in maintaining her relationship with God, talk to her about her sins. Help her find her way. Does she know that she is sinning? Perhaps she doesn't. The church can help. Maybe once she understands further she won't sin by having premarital sex. Then again, if she's not interested in religion, ignore this asterisk.
Yeah, the skipping school part bothers me. I think with c+ grades she will probably have to start in community college.
I think if I try to force things she will pull away. Her mom is not involved much in her life, which could be an underlying problem here, but I can't fix that.
I think I will have discussions with her about the cons of sex at her age. I will also offer her birth control. It's not like I want to make it easy for her, but I don't want to drive her away.
Part of the issue is that she looks older than she is. She is well developed and likes to flaunt this. Of course this attracts boys. More discussions needed.
Once she started having sex, she's not going to stop. Don't just offer her birth control, take her to the gyno for an IUD, it's good for 5 to 10 years. There's one that doesn't have hormones. You don't want to be a grandfather. Did you want to stop having sex after having it once? Heck no I'm sure.
You do not want to give her birth control that she has to take every day because she sill forget and get pregnant. Similar for ones you use only when having sex. They won't want to stop to put it in. Think of you being a teen having sex.
The only other option is the implant. Once it's in her, if she has side effects, she's stuck for a few months.
Yeah, the skipping school part bothers me. I think with c+ grades she will probably have to start in community college.
I think if I try to force things she will pull away. Her mom is not involved much in her life, which could be an underlying problem here, but I can't fix that.
I think I will have discussions with her about the cons of sex at her age. I will also offer her birth control. It's not like I want to make it easy for her, but I don't want to drive her away.
Part of the issue is that she looks older than she is. She is well developed and likes to flaunt this. Of course this attracts boys. More discussions needed.
I told my daughter that when she has sex, it has to be HER choice, not because she is pressured to keep a boyfriend or make him happy. That should be part of your conversation. Let her know that it is her body and she has the control.
Make a gyno appointment and take her to it. Make sure she is aware there is nothing romantic about having a baby as a teenager and that it is likely that if she became pregnant, the father would not stay in the picture at his age. Explain that single teenage moms are going to be way behind in life, financially and otherwise.
My daughter started dating her hs boyfriend when they were 14, so I had this talk with her. I also had a bad example to use--her cousin, who had several babies starting at nineteen and was living out of a van on a campground. My daughter liked nice clothes, etc., and did not want that life. She told me at 16 that she and her bf were planning to have sex (though I suspect it had already begun) and asked me to get her on birth control. I took her to the first appointment. The doc was in town, in walking distance, and so I told her that while I would pay for her pills, if she was old enough for adult activity, she was old enough to manage her appointments and make sure her prescriptions were renewed.
You'll probably have to have a discussion about school and grades, which weren't an issue in our case.
Good luck, Dad. It's tough. BTW, my exh/daughter's father is an alcoholic, so I understand that struggle as a parent as well. That was another subject of information I had to make sure she knew about.
Full disclosure: I don't have kids....but I've seen plenty of kids this age get into a lot of trouble, for a variety of reasons.
I think the OP should sit BOTH of them down and lay down some law, some boundaries, and some crystal clear expectations and consequences but involve the other set of parents too (who, if not included, may take offense at him talking to their kid w/out them present).
You get PG, you're gonna have some hard choices to make.....and one of them is not going to involve the OP supporting or raising a grandchild (unless he wants to). I have never understood people who actually DO this....but I've seen it alot.
The pill is a no brainer.....or an implant. Prophylactics are probably also a really good idea because the pill doesn't prevent STDs. HPV vaccination is a must as well.
Her mom and I are separated and she is struggling with alcohol issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dad101a
Yeah, the skipping school part bothers me. I think with c+ grades she will probably have to start in community college.
Alcohol and C+? You have way bigger problems than sex at age 15.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
