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Here's the thing. YOUR child wasn't doing anything wrong, wasn't putting herself at risk. The mother of the other child should have been the one to talk to her own child about it, perhaps snoop in her own child's phone. Seems to me that you've put your relationship with your own, straight-arrow good kid at risk because you decided to insert yourself in another family's problems.
Bingo!
Just because we can do something doesn't mean we should.
Just because we can do something doesn't mean we should.
I'm not so sure about this, in this case. The other mom did talk to her child about it; the girl said, she'd met some guy online, and shared some more info about the situation. Maybe that's as far as the mom could get, so she reached out to the OP.
And the OP, feeling that the girl was at risk, did what she could to find more info, and share it with the at-risk girl's mom.
The OP could have taken a different approach, and tried to talk to her daughter about it, to see if the daughter knew anything and would voluntarily share it with the OP. But if her daughter wasn't forthcoming, she'd have had to do what she did anyway.
I think a serious situation like this could well warrant the steps the OP took. The OP can choose to backpedal a little, and approach her daughter to talk to her about it, to see what the daughter shares. The OP could then thank her (if daughter is helpful and shares some concerns), and... no harm, no foul?
A teen's life could be at stake. It's a tough call, but but I'm not going to knock the OP for doing what she did. She did it with good intentions.
I'd like to know how the story turns out. I hope the OP returns to give us a follow-up.
I can understand checking up on your daughter but not that way because she hasn't given you a reason to make you do that. Don't start judging your daughter by her friends behavior. And don't ever send screen shots of your daughters conversations to anyone. You should have told her friends mother to look at her own daughters phone if she wanted to know what conversations the girls had.
Is your daughter aware that you go through her phone? Tell her or don't ever go through her phone again. I get that you probably pay for the phone but if you gave me the phone as a gift, at 15 years old, I would think it was mine and I would be really mad if anyone looked through it. Imo, it would be like looking through a private journal or diary.
I think the OP should re-establish ownership of the phone. It's not just the phone itself - who pays the monthly bills for the phone? If the phone was a gift and the daughter pays the phone bill - it's not the OP's phone. But if the OP is paying the phone bill, I'd say the OP owns the phone, or at least ongoing access to the phone.
I agree that this is a potentially serious situation and I don't think the OP deserves to be criticized. But I'd tell the OP to re-establish ownership of the phone and also an open relationship with the OP's daughter, who didn't do anything wrong as far as I can tell.
I can understand checking up on your daughter but not that way because she hasn't given you a reason to make you do that. Don't start judging your daughter by her friends behavior. And don't ever send screen shots of your daughters conversations to anyone. You should have told her friends mother to look at her own daughters phone if she wanted to know what conversations the girls had.
Is your daughter aware that you go through her phone?
Quote:
Tell her or don't ever go through her phone again. I get that you probably pay for the phone but if you gave me the phone as a gift, at 15 years old, I would think it was mine and I would be really mad if anyone looked through it. Imo, it would be like looking through a private journal or diary.
Completely disagree with that statement. Teens don't realize that ANYTHING you put on the internet is PUBLIC knowledge. My nephew got into a heap of trouble over learning that lesson. Teens think that chat apps that disappear is some how private. People can screen grab conversations, etc. If you don't want the whole world to know, have that conversation in person. The internet is a game changer and if think anything on your phone is private, you are kidding yourself.
Here's the thing. YOUR child wasn't doing anything wrong, wasn't putting herself at risk. The mother of the other child should have been the one to talk to her own child about it, perhaps snoop in her own child's phone. Seems to me that you've put your relationship with your own, straight-arrow good kid at risk because you decided to insert yourself in another family's problems.
So he should ignore the possibility of another kid’s life being at risk all because “the mother of the other child should have been the one to talk to her own child about it”? That’s all too easy to say when it doesn’t actually affect you.
What if the other child really IS or could be in a dangerous situation here? You’re saying you’d be just fine and dandy if she got kidnapped or worse as long as you didn’t violate your not-fully-adult child’s trust? And you could live okay with this, even though you KNOW you could have done something?
NOPE, he’s a good parent! His daughter will just have to get over it. She’ll understand when or if she’s ever in the parental hot seat herself.
[/b]Completely disagree with that statement. Teens don't realize that ANYTHING you put on the internet is PUBLIC knowledge. My nephew got into a heap of trouble over learning that lesson. Teens think that chat apps that disappear is some how private. People can screen grab conversations, etc. If you don't want the whole world to know, have that conversation in person. The internet is a game changer and if think anything on your phone is private, you are kidding yourself.
You can disagree all you want but the reality is, the OP's daughter didn't do anything stupid like her friend and your nephew did.
I don't have a problem with the dad checking the girls phone, my problem is that he did it behind her back. She is old enough to expect some privacy and the dad should be upfront with her about the boundaries instead of sneaking around behind her back. IMO, he should use this situation to talk openly with his daughter about the danger her friend could have been in and to reestablish/set the boundaries of privacy with her going forward.
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