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A woman calls in, she has a dilemma with one of her children. She has three kids, two young girls and one teenage son, around 13 yrs old. Seems the son helped himself to $500 of Fortnite play on her credit card.
The woman said she is punishing the boy by having no Christmas gifts on Christmas morning and she was feeling bad about it but was sticking to her guns. She mentioned how he would feel when the other kids were opening their gifts, maybe this would teach him a good lesson.
What would you do?
I don't think taking the Christmas gifts is the right approach, because I don't think that the theft should be linked to Christmas. What if the kid had stolen the card in January? Would the parent wait 11 months and then shortchange him on Christmas? No, the direct reason for this theft is Fortnite, so his ability to play Fortnite should be taken away.
I think that the kid should be given the ability to earn it back by working off the debt via chores around the house. That'll give him something to look forward to, and it'll hopefully show him the value of money, when he sees how long it takes him to earn $500. And if he decides it's not worth it? Then he never plays Fortnite again, which isn't the worst thing that can happen to him.
I would not take away Christmas gifts, but I'd change out any gaming related gifts for low-tech gifts ahead of time.
My opinion is that a natural consequence is that the gaming console gets sold to reimburse mom for the theft. Contact Epic Games customer service and have the kid's Fortnight account deleted so he'll lose the loot/XP he got via the theft. Cell phone, tablets and computers are only allowed to be used in common spaces, for school and other necessary purposes, when a parent is present - no taking them into the bedroom. (Realistically they may need to go to school with the kid and he might get away with some shenanigans there, but you can only do what you can do.) Personally I'd install monitoring software (and warn the kid know I had, and that it was because they had lost my trust for now) but that only works if you're tech savvy enough to stay one step ahead of the kid with it.
A woman calls in, she has a dilemma with one of her children. She has three kids, two young girls and one teenage son, around 13 yrs old. Seems the son helped himself to $500 of Fortnite play on her credit card.
The woman said she is punishing the boy by having no Christmas gifts on Christmas morning and she was feeling bad about it but was sticking to her guns. She mentioned how he would feel when the other kids were opening their gifts, maybe this would teach him a good lesson.
What would you do?
This is my opinion. I would not take the Christmas gifts away, due to the fact that that will ruin the siblings Christmas as well. They did nothing wrong, and I know my kids, they would not want to open their gifts is one didn't have any. That would be a horrible memory for them, and everybody's Christmas is ruined, as far as the family unity and peace and harmony on Christmas day.
As a mother, I love Christmas morning and live for that family unity and harmony that is so wonderful. The kids are ooohing and aaaahing over each other's gifts, and being polite to one another and this only happens once a year ha. With that being said, I would leave Christmas as is and do the following.
I would take the child's game center, laptop, I-pad, cell phone and anything at all that had monetary value and I would sell it and get all my money back. Then he would be grounded for about 3 months, and I would stick to my guns. If after the grounding is finished, he wants any of these things, he will have to work for them and buy them himself until he learns the value of $1.00 and how much money $500 is, and it is not OK to steal or sneak and use someone else's money to fund your wants.
He definitely needs strong discipline on this, but I don't think taking Christmas gifts away is the right way to go about it. That is my opinion, of course.
What would you do ?
What the hell did I just read? I seriously doubt those other kids will have their Christmas ruined. This mom made a good choice to deal with that little THEIF.
Nowhere near having had this problem with my boys, but if I did I would probably sternly let them know how insanely disappointed I was. I would show them the credit card bill. I'd probably end up crying as I explained how they broke my trust. I would ask them questions like "What would I supposed to do if I don't have the money for this? Do you expect me to work this off for you?".
From there we would have to work out a repayment plan. I would draw out an agreement for him to sign with date of repayment and chores and pay rates. As in a "J.O.B."
Of course he'd be grounded from going out with friends. I would severely limit online/phone to what is essential for school until his debt is paid off and I get an apology.
But I would certainly NOT change Christmas. Christmas is about family and, above all, faith, and certainly a boy getting into that kind of trouble needs to lean into both! If anything I would be more generous and really dig into the "reason for the season" if you know what I mean. Christmas is about the first coming of the Lord and the Lord came so that we might be forgiven our sins. So punishing a kid on Christmas Day is, like, kinda the opposite of this sentiment, ya know? LOL. But maybe that's just my interpretation
A woman calls in, she has a dilemma with one of her children. She has three kids, two young girls and one teenage son, around 13 yrs old. Seems the son helped himself to $500 of Fortnite play on her credit card.
The woman said she is punishing the boy by having no Christmas gifts on Christmas morning and she was feeling bad about it but was sticking to her guns. She mentioned how he would feel when the other kids were opening their gifts, maybe this would teach him a good lesson.
What would you do?
This is my opinion. I would not take the Christmas gifts away, due to the fact that that will ruin the siblings Christmas as well. They did nothing wrong, and I know my kids, they would not want to open their gifts is one didn't have any. That would be a horrible memory for them, and everybody's Christmas is ruined, as far as the family unity and peace and harmony on Christmas day.
As a mother, I love Christmas morning and live for that family unity and harmony that is so wonderful. The kids are ooohing and aaaahing over each other's gifts, and being polite to one another and this only happens once a year ha. With that being said, I would leave Christmas as is and do the following.
I would take the child's game center, laptop, I-pad, cell phone and anything at all that had monetary value and I would sell it and get all my money back. Then he would be grounded for about 3 months, and I would stick to my guns. If after the grounding is finished, he wants any of these things, he will have to work for them and buy them himself until he learns the value of $1.00 and how much money $500 is, and it is not OK to steal or sneak and use someone else's money to fund your wants.
He definitely needs strong discipline on this, but I don't think taking Christmas gifts away is the right way to go about it. That is my opinion, of course.
What would you do ?
I’d say, he’d already helped himself to his Christmas gifts, as well as some of his sister’s.
He's old enough to understand the value of money. Whether or not he does is a different story. More important at this point is that he knew it was wrong and did it anyway.
I'd be concerned he had a gaming addiction. She needs to change her credit card number and not give him the number in the future. She also needs to make sure her purse is kept on a lock box. I would be concerned that the kid has a gaming addiction.
I would take away any gaming gear and go with him to family counseling. Then a method for returning future privileges would be discussed. Nip it now before he's 30 years old, no job, still living at home with her paying for his gaming.
I agree.
I wonder how often this kind of thing happens. Perhaps more than we think. Plenty of complaints out in the world about adult children living at home and gaming instead of being responsible adults, complaints not just by parents, but by spouses and partners. I've broken off with more than one man who put gaming before his responsibilities and personal interaction. Do not misunderstand: It has its place like every other form of recreation or entertainment. But hours and hours every day and most of the weekend? No thank you. I like men who do more with their free time than stare at a screen like a zombie and get angry when they lose.
He's old enough to understand the value of money. Whether or not he does is a different story. More important at this point is that he knew it was wrong and did it anyway.
I'd be concerned he had a gaming addiction. She needs to change her credit card number and not give him the number in the future. She also needs to make sure her purse is kept on a lock box. I would be concerned that the kid has a gaming addiction.
I would take away any gaming gear and go with him to family counseling. Then a method for returning future privileges would be discussed. Nip it now before he's 30 years old, no job, still living at home with her paying for his gaming.
Yes, I agree. My own grandson told me one day that he quit playing Fortnite. I asked him why and he said (he was 10) "I'm addicted to it and now I have anger issues". His was taken away and he was OK with it. Now he is super good at the little finger board skate board things. He even has a sponsor. He is getting into football and not fighting with the other kids anymore. Blessing!
This is tough, but a lot of good suggestions so far! I would definitely not want to ruin the holidays for everyone (e.g. the siblings who didn't do anything wrong), but the son has to be taught a lesson, IMO. Selling some of his items and having him "work" off the rest of the rest of the debt (in addition to some sort of grounding) may be the best approach, IMO.
On a side--and as others have alluded to--there very well may be a larger problem if the son is spending that much time (I'd wager a lot of time is being spent if he racked up that much money in credit card billables for stuff). This is a problem that I'd get under control quickly. Anecdotal, yes, but my parents never bought me video games or consoles and I was too cheap to spend my allowance money on them. My younger brother on the other hand? They spoiled him and he became addicted to the games in many ways. He's doing well now, but we had some major concerns with him for years as his life seemed to resolve around video games and the such.
No Christmas gifts except clothes. Wrap one box that has a gift certificate for Fortnite, marked already redeemed.
Save the other gifts for a birthday.
Outside of the Christmas holiday, the child gets punished, grounding plus chores to pay back for the theft.
Making him pay back the money after the holidays sort of contradicts the idea of the one box with the gift certificate marked already redeemed. It either will or won't be a gift...parent can't have it both ways.
I'd do the gift certificate idea, maybe put a few things in his stocking and then come up with a punishment for stealing the money...not being allowed on the computer for a few weeks, extra chores etc. ?
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