Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, at 7 and 10 yrs of age, this ain't up to them about whether they 'need' a nanny anymore or not. Trying to actually get her to quit sounds pretty manipulative for two fairly young kids, but that's just my opinion.
If the nanny is following the parents' instructions re child care and support, then THEY need to have a conversation with the little angels and provide guidance to them on how to behave civily to people hired to care for them.
Of course it isn't up to these children but given the context of the nanny's statement, it seems they said or did something to make her feel unwanted. I wouldn't put it past a ten year old to feel she doesn't need a nanny any more.
Originally Posted by Riley. View Post
While i might question why she would tell the kids that they'd only end up with another nanny if she left . . .
Of course it isn't up to these children but given the context of the nanny's statement, it seems they said or did something to make her feel unwanted. I wouldn't put it past a ten year old to feel she doesn't need a nanny any more.
Originally Posted by Riley. View Post
While i might question why she would tell the kids that they'd only end up with another nanny if she left . . .
What is your point? I think we are in agreement.
This is a parenting problem.
The children are very happy at school. They really enjoy it, have friends and are thriving there.
There are no problems and the teachers are very happy with them. Nanny said it all started when both kids started at the same school but I don't know if that's just a coincidence.
Perhaps it was one change too many and the kids took it out on her but I don't see why. Having a nanny actually enabled them to do activities after school as she could take them so they were not missing out on anything. I am also home every Friday and my husband most Wednesdays so we also see a lot of the kids.
Apologies if I missed this part, but I don't recall in any of your posts if you asked your girls point-blank if everything was ok, what has changed, etc. A major behavior change related to a caregiver is a huge red flag (especially when dealing with children who are young..which these girls are). My first thought was that the nanny was being inappropriate somehow ... doing something that the children were not comfortable with.
I agree that a male nanny is a big no-no. I also think that just because a nanny is a woman doesn't mean you can let your guard down.
Ponder a bit how much time you and your husband are spending with your children and the relationship you have with them. I am not saying that in a judgemental way. I am just saying now is a good time to evaluate everything, think about how you want the family to be, before you bring in another nanny, etc.
As I mentioned before, I spend every Friday with the kids and my husband most Wednesdays so they see plenty of us.
Of course we have asked the girls if school and everything was okay. They always say it is and seem happy when we collect from school. In terms of the nanny, the youngest cried when we said she was not coming back so who knows.
I question if they knew where they stood with the nanny also. She is quiet and they are outgoing. Different personalities.
Could be the daughters feel they don't want need a nanny anymore and were trying to get the nanny to quit so the nanny was letting them know she would be replaced by another nanny.
WIth a new school perhaps there is a peer influence about having a nanny. Is the nanny's schedule hindering the daughter's freedom from doing things their peers are doing?
OP, you should not take one side over the other. To do so implies that one party is truthful and the other is not. Specifically, to state the children were always happy when home with you implies that the nanny is at fault. My husband who is a school principal often hears something similar from parents when teachers report behavior problems at school. He just rolls his eyes.
I would have asked the nanny to call me the moment it was happening and put everyone on speaker phone to discuss.
This ^ especially the bolded.
If I hired a nanny, I would asses her conflict resolution skills through the interviewing process. For example, I would ask if she would be willing to call me for any problems where she feels she is not making any progress with the children. Some caregivers of children will be uncomfortable with this question because they feel part of their job is not needing to call a higher authority for help. This would concern me.
In fairness she did always tell me. But when we spoke to the kids, they always denied it. We were not sure if what was happening was that they were interpreting it all differently. We also knew the kids were just stressed and didn't want to come down too hard. We felt the coffee trip idea was a way of allowing them all to relax together. It was more for nannys benefit than the kids.
In fairness she did always tell me. But when we spoke to the kids, they always denied it. We were not sure if what was happening was that they were interpreting it all differently. We also knew the kids were just stressed and didn't want to come down too hard. We felt the coffee trip idea was a way of allowing them all to relax together. It was more for nannys benefit than the kids.
The point of you being there for the conflict either in person or by phone is for you to be an objective listener and to find out for sure what is happening. What you are looking for is for progress to be made between the parties. If she asked the children to do something reasonable, like picking up after themselves, then they should do it.
The nanny should be the more skilled person, but if she doesn't have the skill to handle your children, and you decide that you need to keep this nanny instead of replacing her with a more skilled one, then you really need to find out for sure what was happening to help both sides.
In my opinion, nothing should be done to benefit one side. It has to be done to benefit both sides.
The coffee date still rewarded the kids without addressing the underlying issue or event.
I'm rethinking my earlier post. Parents need to be loving while being authoritative. Children need a healthy fear of their parents. Parents are the boss, not the kids. Kids are very manipulative and I'm sorry to say your children are probably no exception. This is just how kids are.
This can be a lesson to you that while children need to be listened to, and they need to know that their feelings count, they also need to be respectful, follow the rules and do what they're told by a nanny.
Something triggered this and I hope you get to the bottom of it.
OP, is this you? Quite a few similarities (immigrated to a new country, nanny with chronic health issues, kids roughly the same age and having behavior issues.)
Those links are not from the OP. One has different age children; the other has a boy. This OP has two girls.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
