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I'm not sure I can even post this here but it has to do with kids and parenting. My kids (5&7) are going through this phase where they think anything having to do with Asian (they say Chinese) people is funny. I think it has to do with the way they speak. Our pediatrician who they've both seen since they were born is Chinese, she was born here and has no accent. We could be watching tv and they will suddenly go wild and say look, it's a Chinese person! They have referred to Black and Hispanic people as Chinese. Our town is mostly white but I know they have a few Asian, hispanic and black students in their class. We have had a little boy over who is half Asian but the parents are from here, i don think my son realizes he is half asian.
I get mad and tell them to stop when they do this. My mother has been there when they do this and she has even told them that it's racist and I don't think they know what that is. I don't think they're ready for that talk but I know school talked a little bit about it around MLK day. I think me getting mad has made it more taboo for them or something. I have said before that I am tired of hearing them talk like this, it could hurt people's feelings and they could get in trouble. They have said they don't say anything like this at school.
I would say it comes up about once a week/bi-weekly, it's not an everyday thing but my daughter did it last night with a book we were reading. I know kids sometimes laugh at others who are different than them or have an accent. My son who is 7 seems to find any type of accent hilarious.
Yesterday my son said he thinks his bus driver is deaf and i said why and he kind of mimicked how a deaf person would talk. He didn't laugh or anything. I'm just noticing them point out people's differences before. I have of course talked about how people are different since they were toddlers so I'm kind of surprised by some of things coming up with them. We lived in a neighborhood with many black people not long ago and nothing ever got brought up there. One day i recall when my son was about 4 a woman was speaking Haitian and he goes, that lady is speaking French. I was thinking I had cultured kids! What's happening, is this normal?
I would have one simple conversation with them, not in the heat of the moment but when the timing seems good, in language they understand, about what they are doing wrong and why it is wrong. Don't use words like "racist," instead use words like "hurtful" and "mean."
After that, don't react with anger when they cross the line. Instead stay very calm and put an end to whatever activity they were doing when they made the comment. This is a game to them, it needs to be no fun.
e.g., they are watching tv and comment on a character...walk over and turn off the tv and tell them you heard mean and hurtful language because of what they were watching so find something else to do
e.g., when you were reading with your daughter and she made the comment, you would close the book, and tell her, in a normal tone, "we can't finish the book right now because you are using mean language and I am offended, maybe tomorrow...good night."
e.g., they are just playing together in the family room, and you hear them mocking an accent. Go into the room, tell them their language was mean and you don't like to hear it, so they need to go to their own rooms and play in there because you have work to do in here.
I don't think so. We really don't have kids over so the only kids they do play with are at school. I wouldn't think it would be happening at school.
Maybe actually have kids over. Are they involved in other activities? This seems a bit sheltered. They might learn to get along with others. Also don't say racist. That word has no meaning to kids that age and has lost most meaning with adults (another conversation), just say it's mean.
Well covid is the main reason we haven’t had many play dates. It’s not particularly uncommon these days. My kids also don’t get home from school until 4pm, not doing a play date that late in the day and they have sports on the weekend where they are around other kids. We travel to other cities for the sports, they’re not sheltered at all IMO. Did you miss the part where I said we’ve actually had a half Asian kid over the house? I don’t think he’s the culprit.
It’s funny you say sheltered because we had a play date the other day at the park where the kids have done no sports yet. I was thinking hmm that seems sheltered. But again covid so I’m not going to judge much.
I just don’t think they are hearing this from other kids. I think they hear another language particularly an Asian language and they find it amusing because it sounds so different than what they are used to. I did try to ignore it and I again think my reaction to this has just made it even funnier or something.
I think they are old enough to understand and pay the consequences of making fun or other people’s differences.
We had a thinking chair in our house, but whatever your punishment is, start following it.
When one of the kids makes a comment about someone’s accent, tell them they are being rude and “in our family we don’t make fun of the way other people talk“. Then make them seclude themself until such time as they feel they can do better.
This is normal human behavior. To notice when others are different to people in your normal surroundings. It's kind of an innate "stranger-danger" alert system. It can lead to racism if not nipped in the bud - but yes it is normal.
When I was in middle school we had a teacher from Alabama with a very strong accent, and us kids would break out in fits of giggles hearing that accent. Not nice, but it happened. And this was a very multi-ethnic school and it still happened. Because we hadn't heard that before and it sounded funny.
I wouldn't worry too much over it but I would try to familiarize your kids with more non-same peoples somehow (books, films, youtube, ethnic restaurants, language classes, etc), teach them it's not okay to laugh at people if they are different - whether the difference is looks, language, accent, body weight, etc. So that they are aware there are people who are different to them and that's good, because we wouldn't want to all be the same like clones. And of course teach them that they themselves are not immune to being looked at as strange or different in the future somewhere.
I would have one simple conversation with them, not in the heat of the moment but when the timing seems good, in language they understand, about what they are doing wrong and why it is wrong. Don't use words like "racist," instead use words like "hurtful" and "mean."
After that, don't react with anger when they cross the line. Instead stay very calm and put an end to whatever activity they were doing when they made the comment. This is a game to them, it needs to be no fun.
e.g., they are watching tv and comment on a character...walk over and turn off the tv and tell them you heard mean and hurtful language because of what they were watching so find something else to do
e.g., when you were reading with your daughter and she made the comment, you would close the book, and tell her, in a normal tone, "we can't finish the book right now because you are using mean language and I am offended, maybe tomorrow...good night."
e.g., they are just playing together in the family room, and you hear them mocking an accent. Go into the room, tell them their language was mean and you don't like to hear it, so they need to go to their own rooms and play in there because you have work to do in here.
Totally agree with this. Time to start shutting them down but I'd definitely be having conversations with them at the same time. Although 5 and 7 seem young, and they most likely don't understand the ramifications of their comments, if they say these things in school or elsewhere in public, with how things are these days, there could be consequences. Nothing like having your 5 yr old sent home because a teacher claims they are making racist remarks.
If they happened to say something at school I would hope the teacher wouldn't send them home (does that happen anymore?) and would just send me an email letting me know what happened. I have stressed to them that it's inappropriate but I will have to start punishing them if it continues.
Tonight I was painting my 5 year old's nails and she asked me how old i was when i had her. She goes, oh you were old, a 13 year old can have a baby. I was like, huh? Who told you that. She told me who and said it was brought up because they saw a pregnant woman and the other little girl (also 5) said a 13 yr old can have a baby. That little girl's mom is labor and delivery nurse so maybe she overheard her mom talking about something at home, I have no idea. I just said, hmm ok and changed the subject. I'm obviously not having that conversation with a 5 yr old.
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