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Do not do what you know you cannot or do not want to do.
Why create misery for yourself and a child? And "what Saibot said."
"The first thing I noticed was that in your post you do not mention being married or in a relationship. I know there are single parents who "do it all" (and I respect but do not idealize them), but being a single parent by choice is not something I would ever have considered, and for the exact reason you mentioned: it's too much for one person. It's also not fair to the child, who deserves to have two parents and not to have much of their care either neglected or outsourced because their one parent is overwhelmed. If you are single and struggling just to take care of yourself, that's a good sign that you should not even consider bringing a child into the picture."
You're not ready. There will come a time when your desire to procreate will be stronger than your fears. You're never fully ready, emotionally or financially. But you'll know when you think you can handle it. Do not be a single mother, if you can help it, though. I worked with so many women trying to work and raise kids. They couldn't do either super well w/o a partner involved and enough money to hire babysitters and provide for the kids.
This is what I've always wondered but been afraid to ask. WHY does anyone want kids? What is your reason?
In the past, there was no choice. But now that there is, does anyone ask themselves "why" do I want them?
Having kids is the way that we perpetuate our species, which is why God/Mother Nature/blind instinct made it so most people would choose to have kids, even if they haven't the slightest idea of why they would want to. Some things just "are," and this is one of those things.
Sometimes, kids bring indescribable joy to the lives of their parents. This is probably what motivates a lot of people to have them. Of course, the flip side is also true; sometimes they bring a lot of pain. There are no guarantees. I remember the night when my daughter was sick, and I spent most of the night either comforting her or cleaning up her voluminous throw-up when she wasn't able to make it to the toilet in time. The thought that kept going through my head: "They never mentioned this in the parenting brochures." You take the good with the bad. And thankfully, for me at least, the good has greatly outweighed the bad.
And there are times where I also feel like forcing someone's existence just because I wanted to have kids is in a way, selfish.
Everyone who ever lived, me and you included, were forced into existence by someone else's actions. I never considered having my life given to me was a selfish act. Quite the contrary, actually.
Hey am 29 years old, not married but would like to one day. I don’t know why exactly I want kids, just do. Always feel a urge to be a dad. Life goes by quick and pretty soon I’ll be going onto 40. Have decided if I don’t have any by that point I won’t ever. Ideally I’d like 4 kids perhaps but when I think of the finances and time involved realistically just one or two. Wish I were rich and didn’t have to work and could stay home.
Hey am 29 years old, not married but would like to one day. I don’t know why exactly I want kids, just do. Always feel a urge to be a dad. Life goes by quick and pretty soon I’ll be going onto 40. Have decided if I don’t have any by that point I won’t ever. Ideally I’d like 4 kids perhaps but when I think of the finances and time involved realistically just one or two. Wish I were rich and didn’t have to work and could stay home.
You want them, but you don’t want them right now. You aren’t ready yet. You have plenty of time.
I’m female, but I had my first baby at 18 and my last one at 34. I was so much better prepared to handle the stresses of parenthood with the last one....and there were plenty of stresses. I worked full time and had 3 teenagers and a baby. I was lucky to have healthy kids and a very supportive husband and hands on father.
Now those years are just a dim memory, but they were the best times ever.
Hey am 29 years old, not married but would like to one day. I don’t know why exactly I want kids, just do. Always feel a urge to be a dad. Life goes by quick and pretty soon I’ll be going onto 40. Have decided if I don’t have any by that point I won’t ever. Ideally I’d like 4 kids perhaps but when I think of the finances and time involved realistically just one or two. Wish I were rich and didn’t have to work and could stay home.
You kind of seem like you’re in a dream world. To wish you could just be rich and stay home is an odd way to be thinking especially as a man. Sounds like you need to find a rich young woman who will allow this. You’re not even sure you want to be parent but then say you want 4 kids. 4 kids is a lot these days.
Sorry if I sound harsh but this is the parenting forum.
Maybe getting some practice babysitting might give you a small preview of what to expect.
I come from a big family (8 kids). There were a lot of big families in my neighborhood growing up. I think it was
always expected for everyone to get married, have kids, the whole nine yards. Out of the 8 of us, 3 never got
married and 4 never had kids. I still remember the fights, lack of privacy, one bathroom - ugh, father's bad temper, etc.
Perhaps that played into it, perhaps not. Life doesn't always turn out the way you expect it to.
As a teenager, I thought I'd be married with kids one day. Never happened. I will admit for myself, not
having kids always felt right. I like being an aunt instead.
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