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My opinion is that you are partially (or fully?) the owner of the house too, and you live there, so you have a right to not have your peace disturbed by having to smell something foul that you really don't like. Like I live above a smoker currently, sadly since the lease says smoking both in and out of the units is fine, that means I can't say anything. But since you own the house and you are the wife and stepmom, then you totally have the right to not have to grin and bear it.
I think even if you don't want to discipline him, if it were me, I would still knock on his door and say hey I really can't handle the smell so take it to the garage now like we agreed. I think you and your husband should be strict on that rule.
It's now 3 adults living there in the house so boundaries should be respected, and common courtesy.
To echo the other posters, the human brain isn't considered fully developed till age 25. The part of their brain that dictates decision making and self-control is very much not at full maturity at age 18.
Also of course my opinion on this doesn't matter, but I'm 30 and I couldn't imagine me being 18 and my parents being fine with me routinely smoking pot, I wasn't even allowed to have alcohol till legal age, and my parents vocally let me know the dangers of alcohol and the fact that my dad struggled with alcoholism for years. I was raised in a conservative family in Mississippi, so region could have something to do with parenting choices. When I was 18 though, I did (very occasionally) smoke pot socially and some other vices, and I do know that I couldn't regulate myself and make smoke choices as often then as I can now.
Although the flip side, it could be said that many teens can be assumed to be doing some of these vices anyway, so may as well open the line of communication and have the kid at least doing it at home so you are in the know of what they are doing.
I think that if the son agreed to smoke only in the garage that his father should have addressed the issue with his son then and there. And if he's not around then you should address it. Perhaps sonny boy does not realize that you can smell it when his door is closed and is trying to get away with it.
Smoking anything in the house is a hill I would die on, especially as unless the son is ambitious, he could be living under your roof for a long time to come.
Perhaps you and your husband should go to a couple counseling sessions so he can get an unbiased third opinion on what his expectations and actions should be towards his son.
Of course, if you married him knowing his son was an issue, that's on you.
Me too (bold) and I dont care to let anyone know there is NO smoking in the house. But then again it is MY house. I dont share a mortgage or have a spouse to collaborate with, but it sounds like an agreement was made so.
At 18 he's legally an adult. Still stupid, but an adult.
You don't say how long your are married, but that would have baring on the situation.
Since you do not discipline his son and have no desire to do so, you have to decide if this is the hill you want to die on. Either let it go and save your outrage for something more important or dig your heels in and force a father to acknowledge that his son isn't perfect.
To me, the issue is that the son isn't showing you the respect due his father's wife and in whose house he is living. If there was a true agreement among the three of you that the son would not smoke in the house, that is a reasonable discussion to have. The son should respect the agreement and your husband support you.
Eek. I would have to die on this hill. I cannot abide the smell of that crap - no way EVER would I allow it in my home, not even in the garage. NOPE. They would have to go out to the damn shed. The neighbor's - not mine!!
When my kids turn 18 I won't allow them to drink or smoke in my house. I'm hoping they won't have an interest in either. But seriously when did it become ok to smoke pot at 18? You can't legally drink at 18.
My opinion is that you are partially (or fully?) the owner of the house too, and you live there, so you have a right to not have your peace disturbed by having to smell something foul that you really don't like. Like I live above a smoker currently, sadly since the lease says smoking both in and out of the units is fine, that means I can't say anything. But since you own the house and you are the wife and stepmom, then you totally have the right to not have to grin and bear it.
I think even if you don't want to discipline him, if it were me, I would still knock on his door and say hey I really can't handle the smell so take it to the garage now like we agreed. I think you and your husband should be strict on that rule.
It's now 3 adults living there in the house so boundaries should be respected, and common courtesy.
To echo the other posters, the human brain isn't considered fully developed till age 25. The part of their brain that dictates decision making and self-control is very much not at full maturity at age 18.
Also of course my opinion on this doesn't matter, but I'm 30 and I couldn't imagine me being 18 and my parents being fine with me routinely smoking pot, I wasn't even allowed to have alcohol till legal age, and my parents vocally let me know the dangers of alcohol and the fact that my dad struggled with alcoholism for years. I was raised in a conservative family in Mississippi, so region could have something to do with parenting choices. When I was 18 though, I did (very occasionally) smoke pot socially and some other vices, and I do know that I couldn't regulate myself and make smoke choices as often then as I can now.
Although the flip side, it could be said that many teens can be assumed to be doing some of these vices anyway, so may as well open the line of communication and have the kid at least doing it at home so you are in the know of what they are doing.
My parents would have never let me smoke in their house. I never smoked pot @ all, ever, & im 40 but my parents would have kicked my ass if they knew i did (if i did it - theyre not the reason i dont).
My husband is young, late 30s, so i think he’s a bit laid back more maybe bc of that. He & son can be friends but he has to be the father too.
When my kids turn 18 I won't allow them to drink or smoke in my house. I'm hoping they won't have an interest in either. But seriously when did it become ok to smoke pot at 18? You can't legally drink at 18.
I mean teens will be teens. They get exposed to whatever they get exposed to. I also dont think he realized that when my state legalized it, it was 21+. He did think it was 18. I had to read the law myself bc I wasnt sure either - it’s 21.
Eek. I would have to die on this hill. I cannot abide the smell of that crap - no way EVER would I allow it in my home, not even in the garage. NOPE. They would have to go out to the damn shed. The neighbor's - not mine!!
Unfortunately my house is 1 floor & has no basement so it’s either the garage or his car & the garage is safer bc if he ever gets pulled over & a cop smells it, thats a huge mess. So the garage is the only place he can do it … other than somewhere outside my house. I guess its better to do it in a house, less risk of getting caught, but ugh lol whyyyyy
let him get a medical marijuana card (they are easy to get)..and then he can legally sit on the porch and smoke away..plus he is getting dispensary weed as he should, because God knows what all is in cartel dope for sale on the streets..one hit of fentanyl and he will be dead..
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