Help parenting a 7 yr old (punishment, toddlers, game, appropriate)
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Let him scream and cry and carry on. Let him pitch his fit. It’s his choice.
Ignore him.
If you are in a public place, leave. (If you have to abandon your dinner out or a cart full of groceries, you do so.) Drag him if you have to. Don’t worry, most parents have had to do this, albeit usually at age 3. Alas, you have delayed what must inevitably be done.
If you are at home, carry on like he isn’t there. Watch TV, have some dessert, break out the chess board and enjoy a glass of wine. You get the idea.
Act like his behavior has no effect on you whatsoever. You can even laugh at him a little, as in “is that all you’ve got?” Children don’t die from crying or screaming or having a tantrum, even at age 7.
Don’t try to cajole him, coddle him, negotiate, or give in. Don’t do anything to change his behavior.
You are not giving in no matter what he does.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
You are the adult. He is the child. Act like it. He is manipulating you and you all know it.
Also have a second child. That’s the real cure.
Last edited by calgirlinnc; 03-24-2022 at 07:50 PM..
My boy is 7 yr old
Doing ok in school mostly upper percentile grades
Relationship with peers and other adults is good
He acts spoiled with me and his mother
Cries and throws a fit when he does not get his way
How can we “ unspoil “ him or is it too late ?
Only child , youngest amongst cousins
He's 7. They throw fits. Don't give into them and have consequences.
He's seven. He's acting like a seven year old. But he is now old enough to learn to communicate his frustration instead of screaming.
First step is that you and your spouse get on the same page and both learn to say no in calm manner and mean it. Remember, it is time to start preparing him to be a successful adult when he leaves the nest.
I can't see any reason to punish. When he throws a fit, send him to his room and tell him that he can come out when he is calm enough to discuss the matter reasonably. Let him come out and present his case, listen carefully. Decide on the merits of his case. But no means no. If he can make a good enough case, perhaps he can have what he wants, or he can have part of it, or he can figure out a way to earn it.
But crying gets nothing. Being reasonable might get something. But no always means no and should be in a very calm manner.
"Because I said so" is an acceptable adult argument, although it does help if there is a good reason for it.
He's seven, so he can start to organize some logical thought and he can start to analyze why he feels the way he does. Not like an adult, but he can start learning now.
My son must have been eight when a neighbor offered to intercede for him but he told the neighbor. "when my mom says no, she means no."
Also, my son had chores that he did because we are all a family and every one in the family gets together and does the work the family needs to have done.
He also had some extra chores that were voluntary that he could do if he needed money.
He also got a small allowance "just because" that was not dependent upon anything he did or didn't do.
Age seven is when you start to train him about how to think things through and how to plan a bit for the future. It can be a slow process so keep in mind you are shaping for the future, not turning out a responsible adult in 30 days or less.
Your kid is seven, he is old enough to start learning how to save money to get luxury items that he wants. Smallish things that he has a good chance of actually saving up to get. He learns a bit of budgeting, but the important part is that it puts a few of his desires into his own control.
......Doing ok in school mostly upper percentile grades
Relationship with peers and other adults is good .............
Coming back to add: be sure to notice and approve when he does well in school. Seven year olds want parental approval so be sure he knows that you really approve of those good grades. I suggest that you invest some of your time sitting with him while he does his homework. Get him to explain it to you so you can be sure he understands it.
Also notice when he does other things well and support his desire for hobbies or other interests.
I'm not talking about handing out endless gold stars, but about really noticing him and quietly letting him know you approve.
He sounds like he is a really decent kid and you got lucky and got one of the good ones. Do your job as a parent and gently shape his behavior so that it serves him well in life, and best luck to you. It sounds like you are doing OK so far.
Last edited by oregonwoodsmoke; 03-27-2022 at 12:35 PM..
When youngest grandson (5) cries and throws a huge hissy, I record it on my phone and show him how he looks. I play it back, over and over, to whoever is around and we laugh at it. Then I threaten to post it on You Tube so it goes viral and millions of people can laugh at it, too. He stops immediately...works every time.
If it works "every time" then it can't possibly be working.
If there's an "every time" then he's still throwing fits.
"Let him come out and present his case, listen carefully. Decide on the merits of his case. But no means no. If he can make a good enough case, perhaps he can have what he wants, or he can have part of it, or he can figure out a way to earn it."
This is such great advice from oregonwoodsmoke. Kids can behave that way when they feel unheard or unseen, which can be quite often because they don't have a lot of autonomy, someone is always telling them what to do or giving commands, or saying because I said so. We all want to be seen, kids included. Plus we all need to learn to reason and advocate for ourselves, now is a good time for him to start.
And if it's a meltdown around group dynamics, once he's calmed down you should help him understand his emotions around whatever happened and how to manage things better next time. It's a miserable feeling for a child to feel that out of control. He's only 7, he's still learning all this stuff. There need to be boundaries around what kind of behavior will cause you to leave a social thing, but he also needs to be able to see you as an ally who can help him figure himself out, a loving leader of your family group.
I think it's something he just grew out of. He never really had tantrums. We had to be firm in saying you better stop this right now to just ignoring him. I can recall a few times where he thought we were going to have a movie night but ended up not happening. He would have a meltdown. It was like his day was ruined because we said he couldn't watch movie. It has happened sometimes with candy/junk. Gotta love screens and junk food. They've really created a lot of problems for us ! I'd be lying if i said I've never given into the crying either.
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