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First step is to take him out of that religious school. Fundamental type Christian settings aren't good for young gay people.
You have to sit him down and tell him that there is nothing wrong with him and that you love him all the same and you don't care if he wants to take a look at homosexuality and then decide for himself. That maybe some of the people at school are bigots and that Christ most likely doesn't approve of bigotry and that he is very young and he has lots of time to explore life and make up his own mind and that once his mind is made up, he isn't locked in and can change it later if he decides to.
Good advice. Have the talk with him and tell him no matter what, you love and support him. Oregon said the school is not helping....it isn't .
I second the car ride. I always found car rides the best for talking. There are no distractions, no one can walk away.
I agree! Car rides can be very effective because you can have the conversation without the child being forced to look you in the eye while expressing themselves (which can cause embarrassment or guilt). I found while my kids were growing up I'd learn a lot by driving in the car with them.
Suppose the roles were reversed, and the teenage son of a homosexual couple came to Christ and embraced the teachings of the Bible, including that homosexual behavior is sinful. What if he asked his parents to support his religious beliefs and not judge anyone in the new church he's started attending, even if they do not approve of homosexuality. Do you think the parents would go along with this? Should they?
Most of the comments here are basically saying, if the OP's son's beliefs conflict with the church, then toss the church aside. But for those who have faith in the Christian God, this isn't something to just casually toss aside. And I think it would be a disservice to just blithely dismiss this aspect of the OP's son's life.
The Bible says what it says about homosexual behavior. But it also says that everyone, no matter what they might have done in life, is eligible to receive God's forgiveness and his mercy. I think this might be a good angle for the OP to pursue -- that God loves the OP's son unconditionally, even more than the OP does. It is good that he wants to pray, because that's a major way that one communicates with God. Let him pray, and let him seek after what God would tell him.
As for whether or not the son is gay, I think that's something that he should be allowed to express in his own time, and in his own way. It may be that he's just more effeminate than most men. Or it may be that he finds acceptance with the girls at his school, so he'd rather be more like them than the boys who don't treat him well.
I could maybe go along with that...wait until he expresses in his own time, in his own way...but he might be suicidal. And I think a mom has a fair idea about knowing when their kids are suffering.
My thoughts swing against most of the suggestions on here.
He does not want to leave the school. This surprises me a bit but he is able to appreciate what he does like about it - so far. And he is able to keep up his grades and that's good, too. If he's doing some self-research, and prays, then at this point he is trying to find ways to deal with it. I would wait a little longer. Besides, a public school may notnecessarily go any smoother for him than the one he attends now. Kids can be turds anywhere.
Have you a considered meeting with the school to address your concerns? I would NOT state your suspicions that your son may be gay, only that he is being bullied as such, and how he likes the school and is striving to do well. But they need to know what's going on. Homosexuality may be not be acceptable by some Christian faiths but that does not mean that they condone the behavior against your son. How the school connects with you on this could tell you volumes.
A therapist would be helpful but don't make him go kicking 'n' screaming. Just keep the communication open.
When I was 12 I knew I was gay. There was maybe one kid in my class of 84 that I thought *might* be gay but I never found out. I also considered suicide but didn't do it, obviously. But I had the razor blade in my hand. I would tell the OP to do NOT wait, and talk to their son sooner rather than later. I was also bullied in school. At one point we moved and I went to another school temporarily which was like heaven but we moved back and I went back to the school where I was bullied. I couldn't wait to get out.
I think you should start by reaffirming your son that whether he is gay or not, you will still love and support him. You don't need to give an explanation why you suspect he's gay or why you're even bringing it up, just say you support and love him regardless.
Obviously you found that google search so it seems fairly obvious he likely is. As others said, this doesn't bode well with religious settings nor is it healthy for friendships at those institutions.
I could maybe go along with that...wait until he expresses in his own time, in his own way...but he might be suicidal. And I think a mom has a fair idea about knowing when their kids are suffering.
Point taken that the OP should not wait about addressing her son's feelings about suicide. But this doesn't mean that she has to pursue the "gay angle" (for lack of a better phrase) at this time. She doesn't need to say "You seem depressed; are you gay?" But rather, "You seem depressed. I love you dearly and I want to help you deal with whatever might be troubling you."
OP has a particular issue she is dealing with, but as the mother of 4 grown children, I can tell you, there are always things to deal with, and we pivot and roll with the punches. Gayness is only one of them.
We have several friends with gay adult children. All of them are happy and productive, and with loving partners. That’s all we want, right?
When I was 12 I knew I was gay. There was maybe one kid in my class of 84 that I thought *might* be gay but I never found out. I also considered suicide but didn't do it, obviously. But I had the razor blade in my hand. I would tell the OP to do NOT wait, and talk to their son sooner rather than later. I was also bullied in school. At one point we moved and I went to another school temporarily which was like heaven but we moved back and I went back to the school where I was bullied. I couldn't wait to get out.
But a big difference is that her son LIKES the school and shows no interest in changing. Forcing him to change may only stress him out some more. However, she needs to stay on top of that, should he start changing his mind.
But a big difference is that her son LIKES the school and shows no interest in changing. Forcing him to change may only stress him out some more. However, she needs to stay on top of that, should he start changing his mind.
My reading comprehension isn’t good. Can you show me where I suggested forcing the little boy to change schools? I was telling my own personal story.
I think it’s up to the mother to decide. Not the internet.
When I was 12 I knew I was gay. There was maybe one kid in my class of 84 that I thought *might* be gay but I never found out. I also considered suicide but didn't do it, obviously. But I had the razor blade in my hand. I would tell the OP to do NOT wait, and talk to their son sooner rather than later. I was also bullied in school. At one point we moved and I went to another school temporarily which was like heaven but we moved back and I went back to the school where I was bullied. I couldn't wait to get out.
You should give the OP advice on how to handle it since you understand what she is facing with her son who may be gay that is also going to a new Catholic school where the church is not gay friendly. I wonder how the son feels about the Catholic religion and if it will hurt him more than help him.
Yesterday, I was driving to my daughters to get my grandson to school. There is a Baptist church I drove past who has a marque sign that says ADMIT YOU'RE A SINNER, REPENT... or something like that.
I chuckled to myself because in this day and age, who is not sinning about something in every day life?
I think religion in general is on it's way out. It has been for the last 25 or so years, slowly fading as the elders die off.
It will be interesting to see what happens to churches when my hubs generation (he's mid 60's) dies. I don't know anyone who ever goes to church. I was raised Catholic, left the church after they wouldn't allow me to make confirmation because I missed a class due to having the flu.
Catholic churches are some of the most greedy churches with tithing. It's all about passing the money basket around, even when I was a little kid, putting my quarter in it.
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