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The oldest is already out of school as a nurse, the youngest is graduating this year and will start nursing school in the fall, he has agreed to pay because he has been saving since they were born and that money is earmarked for education expenses. I'm thankful for that much.
May I suggest that they then go on for whatever graduate studies they desire?
I am being wicked here, but a man who turns his back on his kids needs to pay for that somehow.
But our kids are 18 and 21, they are basically adults, however, he literally turned his back on them and they aren't even allowed over their child hood home because she doesn't like me and in turn the kids get it as well. She even had him take down their photos from the walls.
Thoughts? Does it matter that they are adults now? My kids are very hurt by all of this and of course it hurts me as well.
There is no love loss between any of them and I have suggested that he sit down with them and the new wife and try and get things worked out, but neither he nor her will because they are both selfish. My heart is breaking for my kids, it's rough.
That it is none of your business now. If they kids want contact with their father let them handle it...they are adults.
But our kids are 18 and 21, they are basically adults, however, he literally turned his back on them and they aren't even allowed over their child hood home because she doesn't like me and in turn the kids get it as well. She even had him take down their photos from the walls.
Thoughts? Does it matter that they are adults now? My kids are very hurt by all of this and of course it hurts me as well.
There is no love loss between any of them and I have suggested that he sit down with them and the new wife and try and get things worked out, but neither he nor her will because they are both selfish. My heart is breaking for my kids, it's rough.
They are acting like children themselves. A father will allow a new wife to have him remove photos of his own children? SHE would have the balls to ask him to do that? What in the world is wrong with her? She is controlling, a ***** for sure, selfish, immature, insecure, jealous and all that goes with it. They both need therapy.
They are acting like children themselves. A father will allow a new wife to have him remove photos of his own children? SHE would have the balls to ask him to do that? What in the world is wrong with her? She is controlling, a ***** for sure, selfish, immature, insecure, jealous and all that goes with it. They both need therapy.
You'd be surprised how many "dads" are willing to do this for their fresh new woman. And how desperate the FNW is to erase his history.
You'd be surprised how many "dads" are willing to do this for their fresh new woman. And how desperate the FNW is to erase his history.
Nah, not surprised .
My parental role will cease when I die. Not when they become adults...not when they hit other miles stones. The skills may change...the growth may waver. Yet thru time a parent IS a parent.
But hey these past two decades has been a bizarre change in values. Now we tell folks to stop even having consideration for their parents. If they annoy you, cut them off.!
So if one adult who parented does the same thing ...well they only have their offsprings generation to thank for that idea.
I personally get where the OP is coming from. Hurt my kids...and I tend to protect. It's innately ingrained to shield ..
And parents who love their kids...do so thru out life. Not til they find another wife..or spouse...
This particular man won't wake up...
My bio Dad waited til his last few months on this earth to have his 'amends' .. and I wasn't about to listen to that b.s.
His legacy was to not be a dad...I wanted to make sure his last breath maintained that cause. He deserved to have that much preserved.
My father walked out when I was 6 months old. I didn't see him again until I was 24. I haven't seen or heard from him since. Life has moved on without him. Yes it hurts, but he made his bed and he's the one who has to lie in it. There's nothing anyone else in my family could do. It took time but I did eventually figure out the problem wasn't me. It's him. He's a moron. And that's the nicest thing I can say about him. I think the Arizona sun fried his brain.
All you can do is be there for your kids. You can't make their dad turn his brain back on.
As others have said, there is little you can do besides support the kids and encourage them to live their lives.
If it is any comfort, if this goes according to the pattern I've seen with other men who abandon their families, he will reappear in a few years and want to walk them down the aisle, sit at the head of the table at Thanksgiving, etc. Like he took a vacation from being a father, then thinks he can step back in where he left off.
If he gets a debilitating medical condition such as cancer, Parkinson's, or MS, you can bet he will show back up with a mouth full of apologies.
As others have said, there is little you can do besides support the kids and encourage them to live their lives.
If it is any comfort, if this goes according to the pattern I've seen with other men who abandon their families, he will reappear in a few years and want to walk them down the aisle, sit at the head of the table at Thanksgiving, etc. Like he took a vacation from being a father, then thinks he can step back in where he left off.
If he gets a debilitating medical condition such as cancer, Parkinson's, or MS, you can bet he will show back up with a mouth full of apologies.
Yes I have seen this played out also a few times. You hear them talk about what a great job they did raising them or what a good parent there were too.
That it is none of your business now. If they kids want contact with their father let them handle it...they are adults.
Forget about your ex and move on with your life.
For many mothers anything that hurts their children will always be her business. We would rather take the pain ourselves then see our children suffer no matter how old they are.
I have a close friend of mine who went through this himself, he was in his 40's at the time when his mother died. His father started dating and soon after married a real piece of trash that was only with him for his money. She'd been in trouble multiple times with the law for drugs and various other crimes. Understandably, my friend and his wife did not want their child to have anything to do with her grandfather at that point, and they certainly couldn't trust his judgment to let her be alone with him and the new wife. So they threatened to cut off contact... and they did. His father didn't care, though I've bumped into him a few times over the years and he always plays the victim card, saying he can't believe how badly his son is treating him ever since his wife died, etc.
He'll never get it.
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