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For many mothers anything that hurts their children will always be her business. We would rather take the pain ourselves then see our children suffer no matter how old they are.
They are acting like children themselves. A father will allow a new wife to have him remove photos of his own children? SHE would have the balls to ask him to do that? What in the world is wrong with her? She is controlling, a ***** for sure, selfish, immature, insecure, jealous and all that goes with it. They both need therapy.
She is definitely insecure, trust me. She just wants to erase his history before he met her. It's ridiculous and maddening. I cannot believe that I married and had children with a man like this. I'm very disappointed but he will regret it someday, no doubt.
I have a close friend of mine who went through this himself, he was in his 40's at the time when his mother died. His father started dating and soon after married a real piece of trash that was only with him for his money. She'd been in trouble multiple times with the law for drugs and various other crimes. Understandably, my friend and his wife did not want their child to have anything to do with her grandfather at that point, and they certainly couldn't trust his judgment to let her be alone with him and the new wife. So they threatened to cut off contact... and they did. His father didn't care, though I've bumped into him a few times over the years and he always plays the victim card, saying he can't believe how badly his son is treating him ever since his wife died, etc.
He'll never get it.
That is very sad You are right, unfortunately, these men just don't get it.
She is definitely insecure, trust me. She just wants to erase his history before he met her. It's ridiculous and maddening. I cannot believe that I married and had children with a man like this. I'm very disappointed but he will regret it someday, no doubt.
I feel ya sister. They say people never really change? My ex is Exhibit A that they do. We joke that he must have been kidnapped by extra-terrestrials and they sent back the wrong guy after the anal probe.
Based on the facts as presented in this thread, this is NOT the case, but before we throw every Dad overboard, there can many times be more than one side to these stories.
I dealt with a narcisstic lawyer wife through divorce. She pulled every nasty trick in the books, including doing everything possible to prevent me from seeing my children.
A first i jumped through hoops: rented a big house to allow for visits and overnights; stayed in the area; did everything possible to stay in the children's lives--school, extra curricular activities, friends, etc.
Little by little she shut me out of their lives and yes, i threw in the towel. Said i would see the children when they were 18 and could make their own decisions.
Turns out they had their mother figured out and were just waiting, as was i, for the time when they were out from under her control.
Like every relationship with children who have been through such a mess, it isn't the best, but it is good and we work hard to make it better on both sides.
As others have said, there is little you can do besides support the kids and encourage them to live their lives.
If it is any comfort, if this goes according to the pattern I've seen with other men who abandon their families, he will reappear in a few years and want to walk them down the aisle, sit at the head of the table at Thanksgiving, etc. Like he took a vacation from being a father, then thinks he can step back in where he left off.
If he gets a debilitating medical condition such as cancer, Parkinson's, or MS, you can bet he will show back up with a mouth full of apologies.
I wouldn't count on him walking back into their lives. Many times they don't.
If he shows up sick and now wants a relationship then it's up to the kids if they want him then.
If he shows up sick and now wants a relationship then it's up to the kids if they want him then.
There's always karma.
My father pulled the same behavior on us. Three of us were grown, anyway, one sibling still at home with our mother.
Personally, I didn't especially care. Over a decade of suffering through our parents' rancor toward one another, without a care for how it damaged their children, made me wash my hands of both of them. I made an excellent marriage, decided I would find happiness on that path (going on almost 40 years, now) and left my parents to decide what they wanted to make of the rest of their lives.
However, 15 years later, with my father having married again and put an emphasis on his second family, doting on the stepkids, favoring their children over his own grandchildren, his second wife died. Father aged, became infirm, and needed help. Guess what his second family did? POOFED right out of his life. My siblings did what they could for him. I lived clear across country and didn't have the resources for more than a trip back every few years, but my siblings kept watch and gave as much care as they could until he had to be placed in professional care.
Our father died in a nursing home, demented and calling us by the names of the children of his second family. Those people had taken what they could financially and boogied right out of his life.
OP, keep in mind that your kids will likely take mates and perhaps make their own families. It's awesome to have two loving parents, but not absolutely necessary to a happy forever after life. You keep up with the love you've bountifully shown so your children will know it exists. It won't ruin their existence to not have their father around, but he may find a comeuppance down the road.
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You are right, unfortunately, these men just don't get it.
