Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-06-2022, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Baton Rouge
307 posts, read 211,550 times
Reputation: 1250

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
I'm not surprised. My private school has no bandwidth for my child's learning disability too.

It all depends on how well she did last year. If she kept up last year, this many be manageable. If she had a similarly hard time last year, it maybe over her head. This present situation sounds like torture for everyone.
I was shocked by how we were dismissed when we requested help from her private school, especially since she attended that same school from Pre-K through 3rd grade. I honestly didn't expect that.

Last year I expected her to have many issues since it was a transition to middle school, new teachers, new environment, etc. but she did really well and even made honor roll one quarter. Granted, I still hounded her to finish her work but she stepped up to the challenge and did better than I expected. Her school this year has a lot of brand new (just out of college) teachers and expectedly harder course materials and since she hasn't been able to figure out how to organize, it's a challenge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
You might have to move into a new school district with a better option. It's lousy to move for a child's education, but you may not have another option.
We are definitely considering this. There are better schools but it would require us to relocate out of the current city we live in which is major so I'm trying to exhaust all other alternatives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
If I was you, I would take three months off or work part time. It sounds like you need to be home after school and help her over this period. Frankly, it should like a bigger problem than just school work. It's more like cry for help.
I honestly wish I could, but I work in state government and unless I take medical leave with FMLA, I can't adjust my schedule from full time to part time or take off on extended leave. I make more than double what my husband makes and wish he could take time off to help but he seems out of his depth on a good day and leaves her to her own devices, so that may not be the best idea.

If roles were reversed and my husband were the breadwinner, I'd consider home schooling her but can't. To our advantage, I work a standard 5 day a week 9 to 5 with almost no overtime so my schedule allows me to be consistently available but it gets exhausting.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-06-2022, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,503,505 times
Reputation: 28452
I live with ADHD. It's hard. It just is. If you don't live with ADHD, then you truly have no idea how HARD life is for us.

I'm in grad school now. In my 40's. The only way I can survive and semi-function is with lists and breaks. Part of the problem is that your daughter is not having enough down time. Her brain cannot function with nonstop schooling. I know she has homework, but it's unrealistic for her to go to school 6+ hours a day and then come home to 4 hours of homework at night. She never gets a break.

Here's my advice. Help her! She needs help. She needs to learn little tricks that work for her and not against her. You cannot let her sink or swim on her own. She's too young for that. You're her parent so HELP her. Learn about ADHD and different techniques that work for different people. Meds do not work for everyone. They will also NEVER make someone 100% "normal" who has ADHD. You also don't want her living in a fog due to the meds.

Lists. She's old enough where she can start learning how to make lists that will help her. You need to work on this with her. Don't give me that I'm exhausted after work nonsense either. Why? Her brain NEVER stops. Her brain doesn't EVER get a break. I speak from experience! When it comes to my schoolwork, I have a notebook where I write down everything I need to do for the day and then another notebook where I write down everything due for the week. I check off each one when I complete it. By checking off a task, she will get a bit of dopamine which is a good thing! It's like the brain's version of a sugar rush just by completing a task and checking it off the list. I also have this same list in my phone in Google Calendar. My list of of reminders is always long and every day I get a rush out of watching the number of reminders go down as I complete them.

Breaks. There are days when I can only study for 20 minutes at a time until I need a break. I set a timer on my phone for 20 minutes. Then I take a 5 or 10 minute break and do whatever I want which is usually play a game on my phone or read social media. Then I set my timer for 20 more minutes to study. Repeat until I finish the assignment. When I finish the assignment, I get a longer break before I move onto the next one. Some days I can go 30 minutes without a break. Some days it's 45. I rarely make it more than 45 minutes without needing a break.

Lastly, she has far too much to deal with. Gymnastics. Tutors. Therapy. Not getting to bed until 10pm! YIKES! She needs far more downtime. No way would I push her to do school on weekends. This school may be too much for her. It doesn't sound like they're providing any services even though she has a 504. What services are they providing her? I'd seriously consider changing schools and finding one who will help support her. It's not about doing the work for her like many people assume. Her brain works differently than yours and everyone who doesn't live with ADHD. She is old enough where she needs help in learning techniques that will help her thrive as she grows older.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-06-2022, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,503,505 times
Reputation: 28452
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
"Tired" does not always mean "sleepy". Often tired means mentally exhausted.
YES!!!! 99% of the time my version of tired means my brain is just done. It has nothing to do with being physically tired. My brain is fried is what it means. Mental exhaustion is a regular occurrence with ADHD.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-07-2022, 10:59 AM
 
7,122 posts, read 3,947,096 times
Reputation: 16262
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle2 View Post
I honestly wish I could, but I work in state government and unless I take medical leave with FMLA, I can't adjust my schedule from full time to part time or take off on extended leave. I make more than double what my husband makes and wish he could take time off to help but he seems out of his depth on a good day and leaves her to her own devices, so that may not be the best idea.

If roles were reversed and my husband were the breadwinner, I'd consider home schooling her but can't. To our advantage, I work a standard 5 day a week 9 to 5 with almost no overtime so my schedule allows me to be consistently available but it gets exhausting.
Does your daughter go to after school care?

As a mother with a similar experience, I highly suggest a babysitter after school.

Two reasons -

1) 7th grade is exhausting socially. If your daughter is in after school care, the additional socialization will wear her down. A quiet after school time when she can unwind while supervised is the best option.

BTW, The two worse years for kids are fifth grade when the girls begin their pecking order and seventh grade when the kids are getting sick of each other. It gets better in the second half of Eighth grade the kids begin to relax and look forward to high school. I would ask her teachers if she's been bullied.

2). She needs supervision after school to begin her home work well before dinner. By dinner time, she is burnt out and mental done in. It will be a disaster to leave it until you come home.

I don't know if a therapist is going to help or a waste of money. Instead of a therapist, see if there are therapist that have peer groups where the kids social with each other while the therapist guides the discussions.

Rather than a therapist for her, maybe you and/or your husband should see one. They can talk about parenting issues with you.

Unfortunately, as I learned the very hard way, kids have their own timelines. If she isn't as independent as her peers, it doesn't mean she wouldn't catch up next year. It's just doing it on her own timetable.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-07-2022, 10:45 PM
 
12,098 posts, read 16,977,481 times
Reputation: 15736
It's a nice post, you are very self-observant/objective.

In my opinion, it's a little too early to worry. Kids can come back later with motivation and college is so accessible that even high school dropouts can easily work their way into a nursing program etc.

It's my observation that most people raised middle to upper class tend to turn out OK. They might become a hairdresser instead of a professor at Stanford, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Getting and keeping a day job/career or being able to keep yourself in a middle class quality of living is dependent on a lot of different factors. Work ethic and scholastic performance are just pieces of the pie. But just for an example, if she's really good with people (popular) that's almost just as good.

Last edited by jobaba; 09-07-2022 at 11:01 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2022, 12:05 AM
 
6,688 posts, read 4,669,499 times
Reputation: 25616
Maybe a tutor and the iPad only as a reward. Limit the use of it and her phone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-21-2022, 12:26 AM
 
1 posts, read 337 times
Reputation: 10
Read complete guide from the site that have complete solutions for cultural help from newborn to senior care.
https://culturalhelper.com/
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top