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I found this forum from google so let me know if I'm in the wrong place.
I'm not exactly sure how it happened and if the story I was told is true then it's a stupid accident. I don't even know why she had my wife's anniversary ring to begin with. I guess a tween doesn't always think things through. She told me she was laying on her back and accidentally dropped and swallowed the ring while looking at it. I think she was playing with it and trying to catch it in her mouth. Either way it was an accident as my wife put it.
We went to the doctor and it was a long long wait. After getting an xray we were told that it all looked good and would pass if in a few days. We were given a toilet hat and some gloves to assist in its return and told to really look good as it could be easily missed. Since it didn't have a large raised stone but 7 smaller ones we didn't need to come back if it wasn't found. It just meant we missed it.
I thought we were all good and had a system in place to recover the ring. Since school is out our daughter would be at home which would mean she could easily look for the ring. My wife thinks it would be extremely humiliating making our daughter search through her poop for something that was an accident especially since it would be tied to her memory of this Christmas. My wife thinks its punishment enough that our daughter had to spend a bunch of vacation time at the doctor and talk about her poop which was embarrassing. My wife had a talk explaining what the ring meant to us and why its important not to play with jewelry. I though it would have been obvious by her age. Since our daughter apologized and it was the first time something like this happened my wife thinks our daughter learned her lesson and was punished enough so I should just move on and let the whole situation go.
I don't see what the big deal is by making her recover the ring. In fact it would be learning to take responsibility for her actions instead she might just get a free pass like nothing happened or am I being too harsh?
So if your daughter doesn't look for the ring, who will? Will it be less humiliating for that person?
Actions have consequences. Going to a doctor and discussing bowel movements is not punishment. It's a natural consequence of her foolish behavior-playing with the ring or looking at it or whatever it was. Your daughter should have also stepped up and offered to take care of the recovery task. Worrying about her memories of one Christmas is a bit much.
The doctor probably told you that if the ring doesn't come out after so many days they will want to x-ray again to confirm whether or not it safely passed. It's not just for the sake of ring the doctor wants you to look for it. The daughter needs to grow up and put her big girl panties on and look for the ring herself.
Easy enough to say the daughter should look for it, but what happens if she just... doesn't? Honestly I think if I wanted the ring back bad enough I'd make sure I was checking for it, not relying on a kid who hasn't got a vested interest. I'd find another way to punish, if I felt punishment was called for.
We are talking about a ten to twelve year old right, not an age that is known for being terribly responsible to begin with. I think I'm more leaning to your wife's side, if your daughter is sensitive the whole episode is probably enough to teach her lesson already.
So if your daughter doesn't look for the ring, who will? Will it be less humiliating for that person?
Actions have consequences. Going to a doctor and discussing bowel movements is not punishment. It's a natural consequence of her foolish behavior-playing with the ring or looking at it or whatever it was. Your daughter should have also stepped up and offered to take care of the recovery task. Worrying about her memories of one Christmas is a bit much.
Doctors discuss bowel movements and a variety of other very personal things with their patients, as circumstances require, OP. Your daughter needs to get used to that. In the next couple of years, she's going to find herself discussing much more "embarrassing" things with her doctor, as her body changes. Her annual check-up will have aspects to it hitherto unimaginable.
OTOH, I'm wondering if her mother might not be partially to blame. Why did she remove her engagement ring, and why, once removed, did she leave it were a child could find it? Not that your wife's carelessness justifies your daughter's taking something that's not hers, and using it as a toy. Maybe making her find the ring will be the wake-up call your daughter needs in order to make better decisions, and be more respectful of other people's things. IDK.
Doctors discuss bowel movements and a variety of other very personal things with their patients, as circumstances require, OP. Your daughter needs to get used to that. In the next couple of years, she's going to find herself discussing much more "embarrassing" things with her doctor, as her body changes. Her annual check-up will have aspects to it hitherto unimaginable.
As a tween, with her parents present? I don't think so. Good gravy, she's not a grown up having a private discussion about her own health concerns.
I fail to see the trauma in checking the poop. Dump it from the toilet hat onto a piece of plastic wrap. Cover with another piece of plastic wrap and smoosh flat, feeling with the gloved hand for the ring. There is no need to make a drama out of it. Crap happens - literally and figuratively.
I'd watch while she checks it. Checking it is not punishment. It's just being responsible and fixing a mistake. You freaking out over it is not setting a good example.
As a tween, with her parents present? I don't think so. Good gravy, she's not a grown up having a private discussion about her own health concerns.
At what age is she going to start having private doctor appointments? Hopefully she won't have to wait until she's a "grown-up". She doesn't need a family audience for her pap smears, once those become part of her annual check-up.
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