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That is a sad situation. Your mentioning that the father had a bad relationship with the mother actually helped me form an opinion on this subject.
It seems that almost all of the situations where I knew the father ended OFFICAL child support at 18 or HS graduation, the father felt very used and manipulated and "screwed" by the mother and the system. So at the time of the legal end of child support they make a definite break mainly to end anything to do with the mother asserting control over them and their pocketbook. Most of the men I know in this situation try to maintain a relationship with the kid but (and this may just be my group of acquaintenses (sp?) but the mom has kind of soured the kids relationship with the dad. I know this is not the case all the time, but I'm just thinking on people I know and this seems to be pretty common.
I think men in these particular situations feel pretty used and just want that to end. Of course there are just arses out there who are cheap...but I would imagine that most fathers care about their children...they just have their reasons to end the $$$.
Also, I think some Dad's think the kids have been coddled by their mothers and want no part of that. Just how some men are...they want to see their children (paricularly sons) act like "men"...not live with their Mom.
Sad situations.
Interesting observations. It really is a shame that the mothers actions, or just the fathers perception of her actions, would cause a dad to feel "used" and manipulatded to the point of cutting off their child financially. In reality I think most moms who come off looking "bitchy" are just trying to be sure their kids get what they need and deserve. Me personally I would walk thru fire for my kids - I always make sure they get what they need -always.
You are so right. The summer between 11th and 12th grade, my mother insisted I get a job I could continue with in the fall via Co-op program, working half days. By the time I went to college I had expense money, and a good grasp of the value of a dollar.
My BF spoiled the heck out of his daughter; now she's 37 years old and still mooches off him. What a favor he did her. (dryly)
Interesting observations. It really is a shame that the mothers actions, or just the fathers perception of her actions, would cause a dad to feel "used" and manipulatded to the point of cutting off their child financially. In reality I think most moms who come off looking "bitchy" are just trying to be sure their kids get what they need and deserve. Me personally I would walk thru fire for my kids - I always make sure they get what they need -always.
I like the words " Fathers perception of her actions". I have found many times with my ex that he and his wife want to believe the worst of me. They seem to misconstrue every thing I ever do or say. My kids constantly ask me why their father does or says something, my answer is always, "I don't know but I do know he loves you very much." I have also said, "I am sorry he is not being the father you want him to be but I do know that he loves you." Some how the ex and his wife say that is "poisoning them against him." I am at a loss as to how either one of those statements is wrong. What am I suppose to say to them when he constantly dissappoints them or says he will do something and then backs out? Example...For two years before my son turned 16 his dad kept telling him he was going to give him a car (he has 8) when the 16th birthday came, no car. My son asked me why his dad would do that? Why was he so unreliable? My answer, "I don't know, I guess he has his reasons. why don't you ask him?" Some how I came out the bad guy.
My wife treats her ex like dirt and he deserves every bit of it. I fully expect him to do a clean break when their daughter (my step daughter) turns 18. He's supposed to cover half of her college education but I really really wonder if he'll actually do it. We'll definitely take him to court over it if he even insinuates that he's thinking about not covering it. It says in plain english in the divorce decree that he has to pay it if she goes.
My wife treats her ex like dirt and he deserves every bit of it. I fully expect him to do a clean break when their daughter (my step daughter) turns 18. He's supposed to cover half of her college education but I really really wonder if he'll actually do it. We'll definitely take him to court over it if he even insinuates that he's thinking about not covering it. It says in plain english in the divorce decree that he has to pay it if she goes.
Even when someone "deserves" being treated like dirt I don't personally think that is the best thing to do. After all, he IS her daughters father, she picked him for the job, and her daughter is made of half his genes. When one parent dislikes the other and lets that be known thru their actions or words this is very hurtful to the child - even if the parent is scum and deserves it - it still hurts the child.
If college costs were court ordered in the divorce I'm sure you will prevail in court if he tries to get out of it. Very smart of your wife to have this done when she was divorcing him.
Last edited by lovesMountains; 05-29-2008 at 08:30 AM..
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