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Sounds like you could use an anger management program along with couples therapy.
Where does anger management even fit into this? I did not curse or disrespect the man. I simply told him to call a lawyer and then hung up. I didn't even go into how asking me to intervene was not appropriate. During the conversation I had with my wife I never yelled at her. I let her know that giving out my phone number without asking me first is not acceptable and that I will react based on the situation I'm placed in. Given the situation my reaction was tempered and controlled. I have no obligation to talk to that man and yet I still gave him proper advice. My hands are clean as far as I'm concerned.
You replied with that to a family he doesn't even know asking him to be corrupt. And who gave them the number to ask this cop to be corrupt? The wife! Yet you lambasted the OP for the trashy actions of others. He is NOT the one "being a jerk" in this situation. Everyone else is.
Here's how adults do not act: Giving out the phone number to the family of the boy without telling the OP about it before hand, and without asking him if he even wanted to talk to them in the first place. That was deceptive and sneaky into trying to force him to comply with their wishes. That is not how adults act. Adults communicate with each other, especially married couples, not just throw someone under the bus.
Here's also how adults do not act: Calling someone you've never met and asking them for favors.
Here's also how adults do not act: Breaking the damn law and expecting everyone else to pick up the pieces.
This guy, the OP, is sitting at home minding his own business, and suddenly a bunch of parasites come at him to solve their problems which he. can't. do!
And why do you assume immigrants don't know anything? You think they've never heard of a lawyer? You think they don't have courts where they came from? You think they don't have police where they came from? You think they just walked off of a boat yesterday? They know damn good and well how to take care of it, but they decided to ask for a favor from someone they don't even know.
That is NOT how adults act.
No I did non reply with what you claim. Not even close. Maybe you are mistaking me for someone else. The OP is being a jerk. Hanging up on people is being a jerk. That's not how adults act. I never said it was ok that his wife gave out his phone number. The OP has a loooooong history of family problems with his wife and both of his kids.
I also did not assume the immigrant parents don't know anything. I said they may not know how the judicial system works here. There are people born and raised in this country who don't know how the judicial system works. Everyone doesn't have experience with it.
Seems like you should join the OP in an anger management class.
Where does anger management even fit into this? I did not curse or disrespect the man. I simply told him to call a lawyer and then hung up. I didn't even go into how asking me to intervene was not appropriate. During the conversation I had with my wife I never yelled at her. I let her know that giving out my phone number without asking me first is not acceptable and that I will react based on the situation I'm placed in. Given the situation my reaction was tempered and controlled. I have no obligation to talk to that man and yet I still gave him proper advice. My hands are clean as far as I'm concerned.
Anger isn't about cursing or yelling. You did disrespect the man by hanging up on him. You have a long history of family problems on here and in many of your posts there are anger management issues.
My daughter and I no longer speak to each other. She continues to speak regularly to my wife and her older brother. This past Sunday my Daughter's boyfriend planned a surprise birthday celebration at a restaurant near where we live. My daughter and her boyfriend live in Maryland. My daughter's boyfriend's family lives in Brooklyn. While traveling from Brooklyn to Westchester County where the party was being held (my wife and son were invited I was not) They get stopped at an NYPD checkpoint. My daughter's boyfriend was arrested for driving on a suspended license, so they never made it to the party. My wife and son come home and tell me what happened. My wife then asks if there was anything I could do because I am retired from the NYPD. I told her I'm retired and since our daughter was not the one arrested her boyfriend needed to call his parent's and get a lawyer to help. My wife was disappointed with my answer and I had to remind her that she hasn't spoken to me for over two years and now I'm suddenly supposed to help her boyfriend out??? The entitlement here is nauseating. How can I not let this drama not put a strain on things between my wife and I??
I think you're correct to respond as you did. She hasn't spoken to you in two years. She doesn't invite you to her gatherings. She treats you like a stranger -- worse than a stranger. Now, your wife is expecting you to do something blatantly corrupt by intervening on the deadbeat boyfriend's behalf.
If I were in this situation -- which I hope to God never to be -- I would have done like you.
There's this thing called "life lesson". Sounds like the daughter and her boyfriend both need to learn one.
Anger isn't about cursing or yelling. You did disrespect the man by hanging up on him. You have a long history of family problems on here and in many of your posts there are anger management issues.
So you base my hanging up on someone who (doesn't even know me) and is asking me to intervene on a lawful arrest just because I am a retired Police Officer is considered an "anger management" issue???? Then you pull in every other problem I've ever had with my family in the past (which were mostly all resolved) as further proof?? The problem in front of me is my wife and I are having our lives turned upside down because of my daughter's lie. We had been trying to work through that when this event happened. I simply don't want to have ANYTHING to do with my daughter or her problems. I respect my wife's need to help. I have just asked to be left out of it. I'm not making her choose between me or our daughter. My wife is trying her best to be neutral (which to me ignores the fact that my daughter is lying about me, and my only option to prove my truth was taking the Polygraph exam).
OP, you're expecting Haitian immigrants to know all about the police code of conduct. I was on a call with a client yesterday about potential work, and I know what *I* can and cannot say on my side, but I don't know what they can and cannot say. If I lose a contract because I ask something they can't answer?!?!
Don't take offense when none was intended.
Also, they asked for HELP.
- Intervene in a case? Say, no, no can do. Sorry not sorry.
- Help to explain the process, how bonds work, how serious this is compared to other things, what the possible outcomes might be, what information they need to be gathering, etc. That is well within your code of conduct. But instead you hang up on the guy and got into a fight with your wife. #winning?
OP, you're expecting Haitian immigrants to know all about the police code of conduct. I was on a call with a client yesterday about potential work, and I know what *I* can and cannot say on my side, but I don't know what they can and cannot say. If I lose a contract because I ask something they can't answer?!?!
Don't take offense when none was intended.
Also, they asked for HELP.
- Intervene in a case? Say, no, no can do. Sorry not sorry.
- Help to explain the process, how bonds work, how serious this is compared to other things, what the possible outcomes might be, what information they need to be gathering, etc. That is well within your code of conduct. But instead you hang up on the guy and got into a fight with your wife. #winning?
That would be good if things between my daughter and I were in a better place. I'm retired. I'm no longer bound by the NYPD's mission statement, nor am I bound by the Patrol Guide. I'm an everyday citizen. Its not my concern to teach anyone anymore. I told him what to do. I can't offer any more.
So you base my hanging up on someone who (doesn't even know me) and is asking me to intervene on a lawful arrest just because I am a retired Police Officer is considered an "anger management" issue???? Then you pull in every other problem I've ever had with my family in the past (which were mostly all resolved) as further proof?? The problem in front of me is my wife and I are having our lives turned upside down because of my daughter's lie. We had been trying to work through that when this event happened. I simply don't want to have ANYTHING to do with my daughter or her problems. I respect my wife's need to help. I have just asked to be left out of it. I'm not making her choose between me or our daughter. My wife is trying her best to be neutral (which to me ignores the fact that my daughter is lying about me, and my only option to prove my truth was taking the Polygraph exam).
No I did not base you hanging up on someone and you being a retired police officer that you need anger management. I have read numerous threads you've made about your family problems over the years. In every single thread everyone else is the problem and you don't accept any responsibility for the problems. Hanging up on someone is not a way to resolve anything. It's very immature.
You have ZERO proof that your daughter is lying. Your polygraph does NOT prove that she is lying. You really do need professional help. You have a great deal of anger at your daughter. It doesn't sound like you have offered her support or tried to find out what happened to her. Instead you just keep calling her a liar. There's a common factor in these problem relationships with your wife, with your daughter, and with your son. You! You can't see it because you are so insistent about being right. This is evident in so many of your threads. You can't see anyone else's viewpoint.
Being a retired cop has nothing to do with hanging up on those parents. The normal reaction would be sorry I can't help you out, but here's how the process works and explain it to them. Most people have no idea how this works because they've never experienced it. The kid didn't kill anyone. He didn't pay a ticket.
No I did not base you hanging up on someone and you being a retired police officer that you need anger management. I have read numerous threads you've made about your family problems over the years. In every single thread everyone else is the problem and you don't accept any responsibility for the problems. Hanging up on someone is not a way to resolve anything. It's very immature.
Au contraire, I've found it to be extremely effective.
You have ZERO proof that your daughter is lying. Your polygraph does NOT prove that she is lying. You really do need professional help. You have a great deal of anger at your daughter. It doesn't sound like you have offered her support or tried to find out what happened to her.
I'm not getting your line of reasoning.
My cousin claims I badmouthed a relative on her deathbed. It wasn't true. Yet, she repeatedly told our relatives that I did this. I have ZERO proof had she is lying. I know what I said and didn't say, but no proof of it. How do you disprove something that never happened.? I have a great deal of anger at this relative. I will never talked to her on the phone or alone again. She crossed a line by lying and it's the end. I never cared to find out why she lied. I'm not her therapist and I don't have years to workout her problems.
How is this different from the OP? Except my 'big' situation was trivial in comparison. Firm boundaries are a sign of healthy adult behavior. It's better than co-dependency that you seem to be suggesting - https://www.mhanational.org/co-dependency
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