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Sounds like the wife is torn and is not choosing one over the other, trying to keep both relationships.
But you're right, and that's why I posted he should never be alone with his daughter, ever, and any grandchildren. That's just standard practice that many people follow to make sure there's never any accusations. Sad that it has to be with family as well.
Got 2 nieces who made accusations. One against a school teacher and the other against her father.
Following the police investigations no charges were brought in either case.
Even since then I am never alone with either of these two young ladies.
Got 2 nieces who made accusations. One against a school teacher and the other against her father.
Following the police investigations no charges were brought in either case.
Even since then I am never alone with either of these two young ladies.
My previous employee's sister made a claim against their dad. He went to jail. She later recanted to the family but he finished the sentence otherwise she would've gone to jail and by then her bf got her pregnant.
It seems that young girls get way too much mileage out of these false claims. Whatever that is (extra attention etc) outweighs the current consequences for lying. You see it all the time with celebrities who need extra exposure and it always seems to garner sympathy and attention. I don't even think they understand the consequences that come to the men in who are falsely accused. And then the mantra: "but we must believe all women and girls because this happens ALL THE TIME!" No, it does not. And there needs to be stiffer consequences over false claims that are this damaging to the accused.
If my son were in this position, he's on his own. I'm not putting my reputation and neck out on the line for something he could have and should have responsibly fixed on his own. I would make the call if it was an unlawful arrest situation. My daughter's boyfriend is an adult, so therefore he is responsible for his own actions. If he gets in a jam he should turn to his family for assistance. I stay out of it. Not my child not my problem.
OK. Fair enough.
But, if your wife doesn't accept the "you know its not my policy blah blah" then you still have the problem of "strain on your marriage."
You don't have to put your professional or personal integrity on the line to offer pro tips based on your professional experience. You could share any you have beyond get a lawyer with your wife and she can pass them along or not as she sees fit.
Surely you know stuff about police, court or legal procedures that may or may not be useful and that others might not know or think about. Cough something up for your wife to gift her daughter and be done with the drama.
But, if your wife doesn't accept the "you know its not my policy blah blah" then you still have the problem of "strain on your marriage."
You don't have to put your professional or personal integrity on the line to offer pro tips based on your professional experience. You could share any you have beyond get a lawyer with your wife and she can pass them along or not as she sees fit.
Surely you know stuff about police, court or legal procedures that may or may not be useful and that others might not know or think about. Cough something up for your wife to gift her daughter and be done with the drama.
Like what?
Be sure to get this judge?
What could he cough up to appease the wife and be done with the drama?
Your wife is in the wrong about wanting you to fix the ticket. The boyfriend chose to drive on a suspended license, so let him deal with the legal consequences of that action. If your daughter knew about this and rode in the car anyway, she's wrong too, morally even if not legally. Is your wife in the habit of bailing out your adult daughter and/or her boyfriend? If so, she needs to cut it out, not drag you into it. This is a hill I would choose to make a stand on. Sell your integrity out now, and it will have been cheapened enough that she'll expect you to do it again, whenever the next time comes that something your daughter did needs fixing.
Well said.
On a personal note: I have an aunt who claimed a cousin was shooting up drugs around her two year old son. My aunt anonymously called the police and my cousin had to undergo drug testing. Of course, she had no drugs in her body. It started a huge child custody fight with the child's father. This aunt makes my skin crawl.
The OP took the polygraph test to establish his own innocence. Nothing more. The test would have nothing to say about someone else lying or not lying.
Which is why I think my daughter should take a polygraph as well. She made the accusation if this happened she should have no problem taking the polygraph.
Which is why I think my daughter should take a polygraph as well. She made the accusation if this happened she should have no problem taking the polygraph.
You realize that they are not accurate, correct? Even if she failed one it wouldnt prove anything.
if someone runs afoul of the law, and it is a natural consequence of actions they have taken and choices they have made, then it is their responsibility to deal with whatever mess they find themself in. They are 25 years old, both the boyfriend and the daughter. They are adults. They are grown ups. This is a great opportunity for them both to take stock and figure out how to deal with what they are facing.
the greatest gift we can give our adult children is allowing them the dignity and responsibility of addressing whatever mess they find themself in.
as a mom what stands out for me is the mom asking for help for the arrested boyfriend, instead of say seeking help for the daughter to get some counseling or relationship perspective about whether to go ahead with a marriage to someone who just got arrested and is repeatedly engaging in criminal behavior
Your wife is in the wrong about wanting you to fix the ticket. The boyfriend chose to drive on a suspended license, so let him deal with the legal consequences of that action. If your daughter knew about this and rode in the car anyway, she's wrong too, morally even if not legally. Is your wife in the habit of bailing out your adult daughter and/or her boyfriend? If so, she needs to cut it out, not drag you into it. This is a hill I would choose to make a stand on. Sell your integrity out now, and it will have been cheapened enough that she'll expect you to do it again, whenever the next time comes that something your daughter did needs fixing.
this.
100% this
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