Homework for a High Schooler

[terracore]

When I was in High School, any student with problems with their grades had all their free periods and most of their lunch period taken away- we had to report to "study hall". Students in study hall could either do homework or read. And there was a teacher babysitter available to help with tutoring etc.

Students with good grades could also go to study hall. Either voluntarily or required if a parent requested it.

I remember going voluntarily once because it was the only sanctioned alternative to attending a "pep rally". I was also sent there involuntarily when I got caught skipping school. FWIW, I skipped school because I was too tired from working my after school job. I wasn't out doing naughty things, I needed the sleep. As much as I hated study hall, I got all my homework done.

[rrah]

I asked about it in a general way, but it was E. They did it on their own because we built that habit and expectation in grade school and middle school.

[calgirlinnc]

Originally Posted by NewUser

I'm sorry. I must have missed it. Where in your post did you answer the question I posed to the forum. As a reminder, it was not "How should I discipline my son and/or motivate him to do his homework.". I asked, "To what extent do you participate in your high-schooler's homework?".

My daughter is in all honors and AP classes. She also has a major life altering medical condition. I only “participate” in her homework by helping contact her teachers if she needs extended time as allowed by her 504 plan.

My son is now in college. He has three learning disabilities. I got him tutors, helped with assignments *if he asked me to*, made sure everything was turned in and that he got the accommodations the school provided for him. I was very much in communication with his teachers, went to all of the parent/teacher meetings, etc.

I only *really* helped him with academics with one class in the spring of 2020 when school had gone remote.

Having said all that, he never failed a class.

Something about this doesn’t add up.

If your son failed all his classes as a junior, he should not be on track to graduate.

He is not lazy if he has an outside job.

Why did you presume something would change between the end of last year and this year?

What have his grades been like this whole time? What happened to his education during the shutdowns? What are his plans for after high school? Does he have friends? Does he seem depressed? Could he have a hidden learning disability? Is he being bullied?

I think there’s more to this than you are telling us.

What do you plan to do? Have you spoken to anyone at the school? What does your spouse think?

BTW, most schools have alerts where you get information from the school for certain criteria. For my daughter I have alerts set up for any missing assignments or if her grade falls below an 85%. For my son it was the same for assignments, and if his grade fell below a 75%.
Have you set this up for your son?

[arleigh]

I had a friend that was raising 4 kids and told them after their father left them, that age 18 each one of them are out of the house, because at that point she no longer received money to support them.
When it came time for the first to reach 18 she promptly ushered that one out of the house. To this point none of the kids took her serious, but after this, the rest of them began to make more serious plans.
It is not the lack of love she held her stance, but the lack of money to support them all, an it is not right that all should suffer for the one who no should be on their own, knowing the burden they were under.

[Nov3]

My youngest hit that phase in his education. Totally blindsided me as he often seemed to enjoy his courses.
His school was of zero help. Sadly the ' label' of he is lazy! Doesn't apply his skills... Etc. I didn't buy that demeaning talk. He finally explained how his teachers instructed yet didn't clarify. Big difference in how to educate. So I hired( tutor) one of the senior students that was a neighbor. He influenced and took time to get my son passed the roadblock the school created. Six to eight weeks of that and he was reset to his grades improving. He is now in his mid 30's and when we talk of that educational blunder, he still stands firm on how the school needed an overhaul on its teachers style. They did eventually get some fresh teachers that gave a hoot.
Definitely be involved. Show interest. And support his point of view as he puts forth efforts. He doesn't need a parent criticizing with ' you're lazy!'. He has proven he has potential. Reignite that!

[saibot]

Originally Posted by arleigh

I had a friend that was raising 4 kids and told them after their father left them, that age 18 each one of them are out of the house, because at that point she no longer received money to support them.
When it came time for the first to reach 18 she promptly ushered that one out of the house. To this point none of the kids took her serious, but after this, the rest of them began to make more serious plans.
It is not the lack of love she held her stance, but the lack of money to support them all, an it is not right that all should suffer for the one who no should be on their own, knowing the burden they were under.

Your post is entirely off topic, but I find it shocking. This mother "ushered her 18-year-old out of the house"...to WHERE? He was able to afford an apartment the day he turned 18??

I can't imagine where in our location, Southern California, a newly 18-year-old would be living on his own except under a bridge. Unless he moved in with a friend's family, which is hardly fair to THOSE parents.

I'm sorry, I don't find this mother's actions loving at all. At the very least, she should have let him continue living at home, but expect him to work and contribute to the family financially.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Seguinite

I was a very good (A) student until about midway through 10th grade, when I got bored. Started cutting classes. Grabbed the mail before Mom could. I didn't manage to flunk out, but I quit early in my junior year and went to work full time. Scheduled and took the GED as soon as I was able. Went ahead and lived as a productive member of society.

I wasn't into drugs, I wasn't hanging with the wrong crowd. I just didn't feel like they were teaching me anything at that point. Looking back, I think anything mom (or dad) might've done to force me to stay in school may have led to overt rebelling on my part. On some level I regret that I left, but quite honestly, it really never adversely affected me.

As a parent myself, I'm not at all sure how I would've handled me. I know at least one of my children probably felt the same way I did, but stuck with it, and eventually went to college.

I'm wondering, if the option to attend community college or local university courses simultaneously with HS would have made a difference for you. Now that's not only common, it's required to have some of that (or equivalent) on your HS transcript for many university flagship admissions. But back before it became common, it had to be arranged with the university (or CC) through the HS guidance counselor, and some of those counselors weren't cooperative.

But it wasn't all that unusual for high schoolers in the final year or two to get bored and start underperforming as a result, especially the bright ones. You weren't alone. And you found your own solution to the problem.

[aecx2]

My answer is E, though with the qualification that they know I do check their grades periodically on the grade portal. They know if grades should fall we would step in and their lives would be modified (i.e. extracurriculars on hiatus, social life and social media gone) but they take care of their business so we don't need to.

Only academic issue during my oldest's freshman year was failing one grading period in Chemistry. I set up conference with teacher & child to work out the issues. It was corrected and that was that. That was the only B. Otherwise all A's for her and A's for her younger sibling who has not yet graduated.

Now for the commentary you didn't ask for, if you are imposing (and following through) with consequences for lack of effort with no results, then serious involvement is required to determine the underlying issues and right the ship. Your child's success is all that matters. You need to do what you have to do. It really isn't relevant what other individual parents do with their individual children.

[PJSaturn]

Thread closed at OP's request.