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So I'm 48 and my wife is 43. We just had out 1st child almost 2 years ago. For several different reasons we it didn't happen until late. Ayway my daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me. It's the best in every way....yes a bit difficult at times but well worth it.
My wife is adamant about having a second child for some very valid reasons but I'm against it.
Against it? Please understand that an only child is a lonely child! There's nothing more unpleasant than growing up with no built-in playmates at home. (Or "activity/game partners", if you want something more mature-sounding.) And parents playing a game with the child, while all well and good, just isn't the same, because parents should be parents and not friends. Childhood loneliness leads to unnecessary fears, anxiety, and depression, all while having no access to psychiatric medications or therapists who actually take you seriously. I know from being an only child myself. It's like being the only Lilliput in a sea of giants. It's hell.
So... strip down and go to town!
Well, I can understand you having reservations, with your advanced ages and all, but still.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 12-21-2022 at 05:59 PM..
Would anyone’s opinion change if I told you me and nice wife argue all
All time? We don’t have screaming matches at all it’s just we always and constantly disagree and argue. Again we don’t yell at all..it’s just constant bs. I am not happy in our relationship but I figure now I really need to stick with it so we are a family for my daughters sake as long as the disagreements, bickering isn’t done around her and doesn’t affect her. We won’t allow that.
We have only one child, and have never regretted it. He always had friends, in fact they spent a lot of time at our house and three of them are still close in their 40’s. Our son grew up in a happy well adjusted home. We have the same views on life and get along well. We have been married 48 years.
If you argue all the time and are not happy don t have another child it will just add to the stress. Especially since she wants another baby and you dont. You’re already tired. I took care of my two grandchildren at 48, I was exhausted alot. I was so glad we never had two children.
I grew up in a large family and we aren't close. So having alot of brothers and sisters doesn't mean they will be best friends, etc.
If you argue all the time and are not happy don t have another child it will just add to the stress. Especially since she wants another baby and you dont. You’re already tired. I took care of my two grandchildren at 48, I was exhausted alot. I was so glad we never had two children.
And that's exactly why having multiple children is a must. In fact, it should be required by law (the reverse of China's "one child" law), but this will never happen in the US, sadly.
You know that trope as old as time? The one with parents having a screaming argument, and their child begging them "please stop fighting!", only to be pushed aside and ignored, because the parents literally don't care how their child feels. One child has nothing but his/her toys to turn to for comfort (or drugs, in case of a teenager), because the parents don't care, he/she was told not to tell extended family members, and the family therapist think it's funny to hear the child talk about the fights. (My therapist sure thought it was funny: she laughed at me when I told her about my parents fighting.)
Well, with two or more same-age children, the children can comfort each other in the midst of their parents fighting, at least the best they can. Plus, they can work together to devise a plan to contact the police and/or the CPS. One child, having no one to turn to, might not even realize those options exist, and be trapped alone with his/her thoughts (and drugs, in case of a teenager).
So... pop that blue pill, take off those clothes, and start making a better life for your existing child!
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 12-22-2022 at 07:45 AM..
The only good reason to have a second child is because you want one. You have no control over if they will get along as adults or even like each other.
I agree. Providing a child with a sibling is not a valid reason to have another.
It very much is. An only child is a lonely child. And loneliness is a breeding ground for fears, anxiety, and depression.
That's a broad and blanket statement.
I don't have the facts and I'm sure there are studies out there but I'm sure that's not true for all only children or even a large %.
My second child was a mistake and the best mistake I ever made.
I buried both my parents in 2018 - nine months apart. While I've had a difficult relationship with my sister, I was very glad for her support during that terrible year. I'm happy to know my kids have each other for life's milestones. Siblings share memories of a past that no-one else has. In that important way, they are an emotional support for each other.
The first child is always the hardest. The second child doesn't add that much work.
Those early years with your first child is ALWAYS the hardest year for marriages. The honeymoon is over for now. Once the kids are off to college, the honeymoon begins again.
I think men and women see a second child differently. A women carries a baby in her body. It's a special bond that men don't experience. Pregnancy is a special and fleeting time in a woman's life. If you wife want this experience again (her one last chance), she should be able to have it. If not, she'll always mourn her loss.
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One child has nothing but his/her toys to turn to for comfort (or drugs, in case of a teenager), because the parents don't care, he/she was told not to tell extended family members, and the family therapist think it's funny to hear the child talk about the fights. (My therapist sure thought it was funny: she laughed at me when I told her about my parents fighting.)
