Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Personal experience: the kids who can not speak well yet or hardly at all - will “tell” you - make sounds or otherwise indicate when they need to be brought (they can not even walk yet) to the potty - with only occasional wetting themselves if they sleep too soundly; never do #2 in their sleep once “trained”
Wish I'd known about sign language and this for babies. I was a SAHM and had time to give them a try.
For the OP I think it would be confusing to switch methods now though.
We've not tried punitive at all as we've been told that's not going to help by preschool, but it's the only approach we haven't tried and so we might have to be tougher on her for the accidents and make certain she knows they're a bad thing.
My daughter had an accident one day at a park. I was very embarrassed. I asked why she didn't use the toilet which was a couple of feet away. She quoted me: "accidents weren't a big deal." I had given her the wrong impression. Afterwards, she knew accidents were in fact a big deal.
Put him in regular underwear and when he has an accident, hand him a dry pair of pants and let him change himself. Don’t make a big deal about it. Just let him know you’re sad he couldn’t make it to the toilet, and leave it at that. 3.5 isn’t a terrible age to not be toilet trained, but don’t make it your problem. No kid still wets their pants when they enter first grade.
My son's preschool talked to me about it when he was 2 years and about 3 months. They said he was very interested in going to the toilet like the "big kids" did in his class. Since the class was 2 year olds and some of the kids were closer to 3 some of them were already out of diapers. She said it would take a week and only if we wanted to commit to this the school would do their part during the day. We should get rid of diapers and absolutely no pull ups. Not even at night. Brought in multiple changes of clothes to school. We did it and in the span of that week, he only had one accident at night. Honestly, I don't think he liked peeing down his leg and feeling wet and he always had a tell. He would put his hands over his crouch and we would remind him he needed to take the time to go.
Put him in regular underwear and when he has an accident, hand him a dry pair of pants and let him change himself. Don’t make a big deal about it. Just let him know you’re sad he couldn’t make it to the toilet, and leave it at that. 3.5 isn’t a terrible age to not be toilet trained, but don’t make it your problem. No kid still wets their pants when they enter first grade.
This is the mantra, but my friend who is an elementary school teacher says that in recent years, they have had had several kindergarten kids who were not fully potty trained. Never happened in the past.
This is the mantra, but my friend who is an elementary school teacher says that in recent years, they have had had several kindergarten kids who were not fully potty trained. Never happened in the past.
More than likely a power struggle between child and parents with parents not handling potty training well. Or possibly medical issues.
More than likely a power struggle between child and parents with parents not handling potty training well. Or possibly medical issues.
I suspect mostly the former--parents who don't act like parents. A popular child-raising technique these days is "wait until the child is ready" (which means they tell you when they finally decide they want to do something) "because it's so much easier." And of course you might screw them up permanently if you make them do something they're "not ready for."
So instead of starting at 2 and having it over with in a month or two, the parents keep on patiently changing diapers until the kid is 3.5 or 4. And by then, a few kids are so stubborn and set in their ways and used to having to make no effort and letting their parents clean them up, that they resist a lot more effectively than a 2-year-old can.
When my cousin's son was 5, he would wait until they put a pull-up on him to poop. I don't know when he finally started using the toilet for number 2. Boys, in particular, can develop issues from withholding a bowel movement, often because they don't want to stop what they are doing to go to the bathroom.
I still swear by the one weekend and a carpet cleaning method of toilet teaching. Spend the weekend in nothing on the bottom but underpants and have the child clean up the accidents, with guidance of course. Spend the money you would have spent on diapers on the carpet cleaning after the accidents are cleaned up. Best time for this depends on the child, but some time between 18 and 30 months seems to hit the critical point. Worked both times in our house.
I feel for you. Some kids are SOOOO easy to train, and others...not so much. My oldest son was the easiest to train in the world I think. He had one accident ever, and that was because we couldn't get to a bathroom fast enough.
My second son...Ai yi yi! He was 4 before he was reliably able to stay dry.
Just based on what you've told us so far...If you CAN pull your daughter out of preschool, and train her at home (I'd use pull-ups) that's what I'd do. That way, she's under your watchful eye. When she eats or drinks, just have her sit on the potty as a matter of habit, 15 to 20 minutes later. If she produces something, reward her with a jelly bean, or a fruit snack. If she doesn't produce anything, just say "OK. Maybe next time." and both of you go about your business, no muss, no fuss.
Definitely this. My youngest grandson (now 6) was well past 3 years old and resisting potty training. Then came the pandemic, and I was in lockdown at their house for over 2 months caring for him and his older brother. Every day, all day, I set an egg timer for 30 minute intervals and made him sit on the potty. When I was successful getting him to pee, I gave him a little "mom approved" treat and his brother and I would cheer and clap. If he didn't have to go, we'd set the egg timer again and go about playing. By the time I was able to leave, he was out of the pullups and wearing real underwear.
The only snag came with his BM's...but there was a reason. He'd mess his pants LIKE CLOCKWORK every day at 5:00 or so when his dad came out of his home office (he worked from home during the pandemic). It was like the little Master Manipulator held it until that time when he could greet son in law with, "Daddy, I'm STINKY!" Son in law would say, "Tell Nanny". Little MM would say, "No, YOU change me." So, son in law cleaned him up and scolded him. It was a ploy for Daddy's attention, even though it made Daddy cross. So, when it was time for son in law to come out of his office, I'd have MM on the potty and have son in law come in the bathroom to see him, and make a fuss and praise if it was successful.
I suspect mostly the former--parents who don't act like parents. A popular child-raising technique these days is "wait until the child is ready" (which means they tell you when they finally decide they want to do something) "because it's so much easier." And of course you might screw them up permanently if you make them do something they're "not ready for."
So instead of starting at 2 and having it over with in a month or two, the parents keep on patiently changing diapers until the kid is 3.5 or 4. And by then, a few kids are so stubborn and set in their ways and used to having to make no effort and letting their parents clean them up, that they resist a lot more effectively than a 2-year-old can.
Yep. Neither of my kids let us know that they were ready. The babysitter started potty training at around 2. She sensed that my daughter was physiologically capable of using the toilet but just didn't want to. She enforced sitting on the potty right after meals and drinks and it didn't take long for my daughter to know the drill. She was reliably dry at 2.5 years old. Nighttime came a little later.
My youngest was potty trained by us and definitely more challenging. We started around 2-2.5, but she continuously had accidents. Meanwhile, she vehemently protested against returning to diapers. Then something just clicked when we visited Disney World with our friends. She was a little over 3 then and wearing pull ups. After seeing that her friend was trained, I kid you not, the accidents stopped...and well she was trained. She never returned to pull ups or diapers after that. At 12 years old, we're LONG past that stage.
If we had waited for the kids to give us cues, they would have been in diapers for a good while. What incentive was there to go to the bathroom on your own when you have someone else wipe your butt?
Of course not every child is the same, but I can tell you that with our children it was because they were being lazy about it. Going to the potty meant stopped what you were doing and being forced to pay attention to a cue that you didn't really think of or want to think of before.
OP, I wouldn't give up, even with all of the accidents. Do not go back to diapers. You already moved forward, do not give in to the temptation to return to the comfort of diapers. Put her on the potty within minutes of eating/drinking. Make peace with wiping up soiled floors. Lots of praise.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Never happened in the past.
