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While I can understand your husband trying to talk man to man, in this instance the mother is correct. The boy is still 13 and while she was "present" meaning in the local area, she was not aware your husband had asked the boy to roll down his window or spoken directly to him.
The fact that you were both attending a community event is irrelevant to what happened in the parking lot after the event. A better approach would have been for your husband to show the mother what happened and ask the mother if he could speak to her son in her presence. Then have the conversation.
If it happened the way you described, then yes, your husband crossed a line.
While I can understand your husband trying to talk man to man, in this instance the mother is correct. The boy is still 13 and while she was "present" meaning in the local area, she was not aware your husband had asked the boy to roll down his window or spoken directly to him.
The fact that you were both attending a community event is irrelevant to what happened in the parking lot after the event. A better approach would have been for your husband to show the mother what happened and ask the mother if he could speak to her son in her presence. Then have the conversation.
If it happened the way you described, then yes, your husband crossed a line.
So, would it be inappropriate to tell an aggressive child at the park to stop pushing the other children? In what instance is it okay to correct another persons child if they are a stranger to you? Do you disagree with all adults outside the family telling your child when they do wrong? A coach? A teacher? Are adults required to filter everything through a child's parents even when the time to say something is right after the incident? I have children come to my house to play with my children all the time. When they do something wrong I let them know and I don't even bother telling the parents if it isn't a huge deal. I'm sure these parents do the same when my son are over there. Is this crossing the line?
Don't we all need reinforcement as parents? Aren't lessons sometimes better taught through experiences like these and don't these experiences often include other adults?
Should I just stay mute and not say something when I see a child doing something wrong? Do I look for the parent and just allow things to happen?
This kid damaged our property and you really think WE crossed the line? Mom didn't even instruct her child to apologize.
So, would it be inappropriate to tell an aggressive child at the park to stop pushing the other children? In what instance is it okay to correct another persons child if they are a stranger to you? Do you disagree with all adults outside the family telling your child when they do wrong? A coach? A teacher? Are adults required to filter everything through a child's parents even when the time to say something is right after the incident? I have children come to my house to play with my children all the time. When they do something wrong I let them know and I don't even bother telling the parents if it isn't a huge deal. I'm sure these parents do the same when my son are over there. Is this crossing the line?
Don't we all need reinforcement as parents? Aren't lessons sometimes better taught through experiences like these and don't these experiences often include other adults?
Should I just stay mute and not say something when I see a child doing something wrong? Do I look for the parent and just allow things to happen?
This kid damaged our property and you really think WE crossed the line? Mom didn't even instruct her child to apologize.
But you are bringing up far different scenarios to the one you originally asked about. You've gone from a specific incident to throwing out hypothetical situations.
Every situation has to be taken individually. Generally speaking, of course you speak up to children misbehaving when they are in your care.
The rest of the time, each situation will depend on the extenuating circumstances.
I work in a public building. Parents, when there on business, let their kids run rampant in there. No one ever says anything to them (the kids or the parents). It's annoying as you can imagine, trying to work when someone's kids are running up and down the hall screaming. But we've been told to say nothing.
However, if I go out to the building's parking lot and see a couple of teenagers throwing a baseball back and forth, or skateboarding or other activity not appropriate to a business parking lot, I tell them to go elsewhere. If they don't, I go back inside and call the police to come chase them off. Not going to risk getting beaten up by a couple of punks, but I don't want to come out and find my windshield broken either.
I stand solidly with Traditional Values which includes correcting bad behavior. The kid was just warned prior to disobeying to be careful with the truck door, but he chose to ignore that, and do as he pleased. Those truck doors are very heavy, and can swing open with force on their own, and do damage. It sounds like it may have happened before by the way he was warned.
Your husband did the correct thing as the kid clearly doesn't listen to his mother. He needs to understand that for every reaction there is an equal reaction. And btw, the mother was right on the other side of her truck with her door open so if she can't hear what is going on then there is something wrong with her hearing. As well as her parenting. She needs to step up her game now, or when the kid is a teen we may hear about him on the news.
Also, a 2012 truck is NOT junk! Many millionaires drive older vehicles as it saves them tons of money. That is the smart thing to do.
I don't think your husband was out of line. I have a 12-yo boy myself, and can see him doing something similar, and also feeling embarrassed or awkward, when called out by a stranger.
The mom was also probably frustrated and embarrassed, and rather than apologizing for her son's actions, reacted defensively and inappropriately, imo, by focusing on what your husband did versus what her child did.
Ooooh I would have been so mad if i was the OP. this is one of my pet peeves is people opening doors to wide, I dont care if it's a kid. We taught our kids (7&8) to be very careful about this, we typically do it for them when in close range to other cars. The fact that a teen still doesn't get it is unacceptable. I also would have addressed the mother and I would not have been happy at all. I don't think it's that big of a deal that you said anything to the kid because he did put a dent in your car.
The mother should have just owned it and apologized. In the end sh*t happens, no one died, it wasn't an accident where someone got hurt but to act like nothing happened and blame you for speaking to the kid is ignorant and the problem with people today.
So, would it be inappropriate to tell an aggressive child at the park to stop pushing the other children? In what instance is it okay to correct another persons child if they are a stranger to you? Do you disagree with all adults outside the family telling your child when they do wrong? A coach? A teacher? Are adults required to filter everything through a child's parents even when the time to say something is right after the incident? I have children come to my house to play with my children all the time. When they do something wrong I let them know and I don't even bother telling the parents if it isn't a huge deal. I'm sure these parents do the same when my son are over there. Is this crossing the line?
Don't we all need reinforcement as parents? Aren't lessons sometimes better taught through experiences like these and don't these experiences often include other adults?
Should I just stay mute and not say something when I see a child doing something wrong? Do I look for the parent and just allow things to happen?
This kid damaged our property and you really think WE crossed the line? Mom didn't even instruct her child to apologize.
Way to totally change the topic. Yes you crossed the line. Your husband should have talked to the mother first.
To be blunt, the better path would have been to either engage the adults and get their insurance, or blow the incident off and say nothing if you really don't care.
The course of action taken that was taken is little more than scolding a child over something your husband didn't care about in front of his parent. As a parent, I probably would have said something too. "Don't engage my kid when I am around if you want to lecture them." Tell me, I will take care of it as their parent, or be there to watch the conversation if there really is a "teachable moment" another adult wants to make.
I think if this is your concern you must come from a very privileged backround. The child dented the mans car and if I read correctly after disobeying his mother's or lack there of instuction. Who cares who gives him a lecture did he get the message?
I think if this is your concern you must come from a very privileged backround. The child dented the mans car and if I read correctly after disobeying his mother's or lack there of instuction. Who cares who gives him a lecture did he get the message?
You don't lecture someone's else's kid when their parent is literally right there with them. You speak adult to adult first, if you feel you must say something.
Maybe it's different in other parts of the country, or the world, but where I live, it would considered rude to address the child in this situation when the parent is present.
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