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Just looking for feedback and opinions. This might be an aita (am I the ******* post).
How do you feel about other people correcting your children when they do wrong? So I went to an Easter event in our city and had a great time there. For context, I have two boys ages 13 and almost 8 and a 1 year old daughter.
Anyways, after the event while we were loading the kids, another truck was parked next to us. This woman was loading her younger child in their carseat as her son (age 10-13) was getting in the passengers seat. The mother told her son to be careful when opening his door and then he said " I know mom, I know not to let the door swing all the way open". Well, he closed the door and then opened it again all the way and it ended up denting our drivers side door. While this was happening the mother was on her drivers side loading her younger child in a carseat. The boy instantly knew what he had done (by the look on his face) and then closed his door and looked forward avoiding eye contact as if nothing had happened. My husband got out and looked at his door and sure enough the boy had dented our truck. My husband tells the boy to roll down his window in a non-aggressive way and then calmly tells him that accidents happen but to be careful in the future because he could end up damaging a newer vehicle (ours is 2012) costing his parents a lot of money or something to that effect. The boy says "okay" NOT "sorry" and then the mom asked what happened. When the mom asked her son what happened he tells he he dented our truck. She gets in her truck and then rolls down her window to tell my husband that "as a mother, I feel attacked that you spoke to my son and not to me". "I try to teach my kids about strangers- With the world that we live in today, it wasnt right of you to talk to him instead of me" giving my husband attitude. I hopped out and told her "as a mother of a teenage boy, I appreciate when others correct my son when he does wrong. We all have to live in this world together". My husband then tells her " listen lady, I'm the one with the dent in my truck. I wasn't going to take your insurance but I think now I should."
I think she was totally out of line. I understand the initial upset of someone correcting my child but when they are in the wrong, they are in the wrong. I think she ruined the learning opportunity this could have been for her son. I don't like living in a world where you feel like you have to walk on egg shells around other peoples kids because they might be offended if you do the proper adult thing to do which is correcting our youth. I don't get this parenting mentality. Help me understand.
I have to disagree. The conversation should have been with the mother. I had issues with my husband's family correcting my younger child's behavior in our house. I realize that your husband was going above and beyond as far as not wanting to make a huge deal out of it, and I think the mother overreacted. I would have let it slide, and just thanked your husband. Had your husband been threatening the child, or asked him to get out of the vehicle, that would have been an issue. Maybe her reaction was covering her embarrassment that her son did this, as I have seen people strike out like this when they were uncomfortable in a situation. I have found that "thank you" has disappeared from the vocabulary of many of our fellow citizens, both adults and children. I wouldn't overthink this. It just seems so many people are on edge these days, so the slightest thing puts them over the top!
I have to disagree. The conversation should have been with the mother. I had issues with my husband's family correcting my younger child's behavior in our house. I realize that your husband was going above and beyond as far as not wanting to make a huge deal out of it, and I think the mother overreacted. I would have let it slide, and just thanked your husband. Had your husband been threatening the child, or asked him to get out of the vehicle, that would have been an issue. Maybe her reaction was covering her embarrassment that her son did this, as I have seen people strike out like this when they were uncomfortable in a situation. I have found that "thank you" has disappeared from the vocabulary of many of our fellow citizens, both adults and children. I wouldn't overthink this. It just seems so many people are on edge these days, so the slightest thing puts them over the top!
Agree with the OP. You said this kid is a teenager, so therefore 100% can be spoken to by another adult. Mommy is a few feet away so this is not a stranger danger situation, give me a break. Am I understanding that the boy said "Sorry..Not" so acting like brat to boot? Or did I read that wrong? Your husband was ok in addressing the matter with him bc at that age if you don't understand consequences then huge parenting fail. Mom seems like another snow flake parent
Personally, I would have addressed the parent, not the kid. I would never approach a stranger's vehicle and prompt a child inside to lower their window so that I could talk to them. The mother expressed that she is trying to train her kids to be safe around strangers, and that really is more important than any of the other details involved in this situation.
I think the intentions were probably good, not to immediately "tattle" on the child and to instead have a quick human-to-human conversation with him. But maybe a more appropriate way to go about it would have been to first get the mother's attention and say something like "hi, he just accidentally bumped our door, it's ok, our truck is junk anyway, but do you mind if I just tell him real quick that he should be careful and maybe he could apologize?"
I have to disagree. The conversation should have been with the mother. I had issues with my husband's family correcting my younger child's behavior in our house. I realize that your husband was going above and beyond as far as not wanting to make a huge deal out of it, and I think the mother overreacted. I would have let it slide, and just thanked your husband. Had your husband been threatening the child, or asked him to get out of the vehicle, that would have been an issue. Maybe her reaction was covering her embarrassment that her son did this, as I have seen people strike out like this when they were uncomfortable in a situation. I have found that "thank you" has disappeared from the vocabulary of many of our fellow citizens, both adults and children. I wouldn't overthink this. It just seems so many people are on edge these days, so the slightest thing puts them over the top!
I personally would have addressed the mother, but I'm a woman and I handle things differently. My husband handled the situation as a father would (we have two boys) talking to the boy (10-13, so not a young boy) in a man to little man sort of way. I do wish I would have had the empathy to think that maybe her reaction was due to stress or embarrassment but it's hard to tap into that when you feel your husband is being spoken to in an unfair way.
Agree with the OP. You said this kid is a teenager, so therefore 100% can be spoken to by another adult. Mommy is a few feet away so this is not a stranger danger situation, give me a break. Am I understanding that the boy said "Sorry..Not" so acting like brat to boot? Or did I read that wrong? Your husband was ok in addressing the matter with him bc at that age if you don't understand consequences then huge parenting fail. Mom seems like another snow flake parent
Yes, he is in the pre-teen to teenager age range and mom was right there so I don't understand her stranger danger argument. We were both attending an Easter event put on by the city with nothing but strangers (all giving easter eggs filled with candy to kids). Given his age I'm sure mom let him roam the park not giving any thought to him talking to "strangers". I understand that argument in certain situations and definitely with younger children but you also have to teach your kids to use discernment.
Personally, I would have addressed the parent, not the kid. I would never approach a stranger's vehicle and prompt a child inside to lower their window so that I could talk to them. The mother expressed that she is trying to train her kids to be safe around strangers, and that really is more important than any of the other details involved in this situation.
I think the intentions were probably good, not to immediately "tattle" on the child and to instead have a quick human-to-human conversation with him. But maybe a more appropriate way to go about it would have been to first get the mother's attention and say something like "hi, he just accidentally bumped our door, it's ok, our truck is junk anyway, but do you mind if I just tell him real quick that he should be careful and maybe he could apologize?"
No, the mother was using that as an excuse to make herself the victim in the situation. The child was old enough to have a conversation with my husband in the presence of the mother. He had dented our car and then tried to pretend it didn't happen and that we didn't notice. My husband addressed the kid, because the kid dented our truck not mom. The mother actually said "Well when he's 17" referring to age he'll be when shes okay with him having conversations with adults. Absolutely bizarre. We were literally at an event where our kids were surrounded by strangers. Strangers in pop up tents giving eggs with candy in them to kids. That's totally acceptable, but a man (obviously a father- at an event for families) having a conversation with a kid about his wrongdoing in the presence of mom... not okay?
For clarification our truck isn't a junker. It's just an old f-150. Mom was actually driving the same truck but in a different color. We did end up contacting our insurance. The way she handled things was wrong especially after my husband tried to be nice about the situation. In retrospect maybe he should have just asked for insurance information right off the bat but I guess he was in dad mode.
First I find it hard to believe that opening a car door would put a dent into a truck door, unless he really slammed it into your truck with the intent of making a dent. Car doors get opened onto other car doors all the time in parking lots, all our doors would be full of dents. Doors are made to withstand this kind of abuse.
I agree with the mother that she was the one who should have been approached, since your husband decided to make an issue of it. 10 or 13, he's a minor, the adult is the responsible party.
Agree with the OP. You said this kid is a teenager, so therefore 100% can be spoken to by another adult. Mommy is a few feet away so this is not a stranger danger situation, give me a break. Am I understanding that the boy said "Sorry..Not" so acting like brat to boot? Or did I read that wrong? Your husband was ok in addressing the matter with him bc at that age if you don't understand consequences then huge parenting fail. Mom seems like another snow flake parent
You read it wrong. The OP states the kid said "okay", as opposed to saying "sorry"
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