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or what if you adopt the baby, and then start a new life somewhere else. raise him as your own., take care of your son and leave your daughter to handle herself. i know that is easier said than done--she is yours, but maybe what she needs is some tough love.
great advice. Thought of it but the mom's and dad's, especially dad's attitude is, I'm just the caregiver w/o any say so. I know if I took them to court the dad would get custody just over the mom turned her back on him. The dad hasn't had time to prove himself unworthy as he's been out of the pix just sending child support. So he's the good guy. Sent child support.
I think it's great you vent here. I think I have seen you here before, I may have even written on one of your threads? Not sure.
You have a lot going on, and I know that kind of anger. I am a single mom too so I understand.
I don't want to give you any advice other than to start finding a way to let go of that anger or else it will eat you up alive, writing here is a great start. Everyone here is respectful, smart and compassionate. There's a few not so great here and there, but the majority is great, so you are making a great first start. I also love it for me because no one knows who I am, or the people in my life, so I can get really clear advice without someone else's agenda.
For me, when I feel the way you are, I start praying. I don't know if you do or not, but to find something else, other than me to rely on and ask for help always helps. My higher power has not dropped me on my ass so far, which is a good thing. I turn over my anger and ask god to take it from me, I say "god, this problem is bigger than me, can you please take it?" If I did not, I would go nuts. I really mean that.
So finding a higher power; call it what you want, it can be he, she, nature, whatever; but turn it over, ask for help and guidance, and you will look back and see that you were being carried the whole time.
In the meantime, you have enough on your plate. So do an inventory, and see what you may want to take off the plate for now.
Go to the Childwelfare, tell them what has been going on and that you want/need help.
Take youre Daughter & her Boyfriend( Ex) to court and get youre Parental Rights. Even IF you daughter will straighten out, she will need help and SOMEONE needs to be a MOM to the Baby! Not a CARE TAKER.
Its time to get the papers filed and start over, once you have Custidy you can START over, and tell youre Boyfriend to go the He** too. If he aint helping he is dragging you down! This is time to stop all PITTY and tell them, that its time to grow up and take care of themselfs.
Possesion is 9/10 of the law and there is no way that deadbeat dad will get custody if you can prove that you've been the sole caretaker for an extended period of time.
You do need to file for assistance/child support from BOTH of them.
I'd say to fight for custody. Don't worry about legal costs - if you can prove that you cannot pay, the courts will provide you with one. Bring reciepts for everything of a month's expense for the child to show the courts that the child support doesn't even place a dent in all that you do. Have written statements by neighbors/friends/family/etc showing that he has not seen the child in 3 years!
Fight for this child to be yours. Don't be afraid to do so, Domestic Relations Judges are very sympathetic towards grandparents raising children.
Once you have sole custody, get rid of all the blood suckers in your life. Make a list (like here) of all the people who've taken and taken and taken from you - and drop them like a log. Change phone numbers, change e-mail addresses, I'd even say to change your surroundings.
I would even add to drop your daughter if she's of majority age. The cutting thing is absolutely silly and atrocious. Do you really want this sort of behaviour around your 3-year old?
I would have to say that you get your dayghter the help that she needs and get the temporay custudy (sp) of you grandchild and go from there and in the future you may need to get pemenent custudy of your grandchild. and also the state may be able to help you find someone to talk to for free to help you to learn to say no. I have the same problem telling people no and it causes many of fights with my DH. I wish you the best of luck.
I'm to the point look out for #1. I'm sinking and no one will listen until I'm sunk. I still have my son to look out for and I suppose my wayward daughter.
That is exactly what you should be doing. I can see why you needed to vent. Good grief, a person can only do so much. You need to put a stop to some things in your life. You are allowing people to suck the life out of you.
Your boyfriend doesn't seem to have your back in anything, so I would end that relationship or at least put some distance between you. Tell your mother she is on her own. Enough is enough. Or your siblings can take their turn. You are done and your hands are full right now. And mean it. Everyone has sucked enough from you. Go for full permanent custody of your grandchild. Tell the kids it's this or adoption if they can't get it together. I know adoption is not what you want, but I would say it.
I would eliminate all excess baggage from your life and focus on you, your kids and your grandchild. Your daughter is in serious need of help. Where is her father? Can he not help with her so you can help his grandchild?
I would also move to a new home, change numbers, etc to start over. Sometimes a new environment can help to clarify things. I have to wonder if there isn't some financial help with medical or childcare for this grandchild. You may want to look into aid since the parents are unable to help financially. This may eventually charged back to the parents, but they will get no sympathy from me.
I hope you find some answers. These things are very stressful and will take a toll on you. You must begin tough love with some of these people in your life. The children are the important one's here. Everyone else will need to fend for themselves. Don't allow others to drain you of life. I wish you well.
Kinship Caregivers - Families For Kids (http://www.lcsnw.org/ffk/kinshipcaregivers.html - broken link) or google 'kinship caregiver'
Best of luck.
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