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If it makes you (and others, and what about your children?) uncomfortable - why do it at all?
If as parents we are ever ashamed of the way we treat our children, or feel that with the chosen form of discipline you use that you feel you must sneak off to some hidden private space to do it - maybe you shouldn't do it? If you are embarrassed about the way you discipline, that isn't sending a very good message to the kids and it certainly isn't healthy for the parent/child relationship. If you discipline in a more respectful manner, you would be able to do it out in the open without worry or any feelings of guilt or concern for others discomfort or judgment passing on you. In fact, I have experienced other parents, grandparents, and random strangers in stores coming up to me and thanking me for "not losing control" and a few have said thanks for "not beating your kid". "You're a wonderful parent." My husband and I both have been told many times when in stores we take the time to discipline our children in a respectful, thoughtful, loving way rather then the less-effective alternatives.
Anyway... I am so totally anti-spanking. I know there are as many different ways to parent as there are children - I have two children (a middle schooler and a 3rd grader) and have to parent each differently as they are of course two totally different human beings. But I believe that hitting children - whether you call it spanking, beating, slapping, smacking, or whatever... is wrong. You wouldn't go up to your boss or your husband or a co-worker or a teacher and spank them when they did something you didn't want them to do - so why do it to your children who are learning from you how to behave? It just doesn't make any sense at all to me. I also feel it only serves as some sort of release for the parents emotions and frustrations - nothing else. It does nothing for the child besides make them angry and teach them to fear you - or learn how to manipulate you and push your buttons further. It does nothing for the parent than prove that they have lost the battle, by losing control.
There are two parenting programs that are very effective and teach positive parenting - Love and Logic and also PAT - Parents as Teacher's. I highly recommend those programs to all parents for support if they are wanting to raise healthy, well-behaved kids - without using physical violence and fear to do it.
What a breath of fresh air!! I see comments all the time from "holier than thou" spanking parents who talk about how well behaved their kids are because they don' hesitate to spank. What these fools don't realize is that communication, patience, and understanding are the keys to raising happy, loving, well adjusted children. Thank you for your eloquent response.
The other day I watched a fater with a small child. (This atually happened in a Walmart.) The child started to scream and carry on, the way that children do. I was hoping the father would take advantage of the situation to teach the child that his behavior was inappropriate. The father's response was fantastic! He knelt down to look eye to eye with the child, and then spoke softly. The child had no choice but to stop screaming, because he wanted to hear what his father was saying. I don't know what the father said, but it did not appear to be threatening. The little one nodded his head, his dad hugged him, and then they walked on hand in hand.
This took a few minutes. A smack would have been quicker, and taken much less effort. But this fellow seemed to think that his child was worth the extra time and effort. It's nice to see that there are parents out there that "get it".
If it makes you (and others, and what about your children?) uncomfortable - why do it at all?
If as parents we are ever ashamed of the way we treat our children, or feel that with the chosen form of discipline you use that you feel you must sneak off to some hidden private space to do it - maybe you shouldn't do it? If you are embarrassed about the way you discipline, that isn't sending a very good message to the kids and it certainly isn't healthy for the parent/child relationship. If you discipline in a more respectful manner, you would be able to do it out in the open without worry or any feelings of guilt or concern for others discomfort or judgment passing on you. In fact, I have experienced other parents, grandparents, and random strangers in stores coming up to me and thanking me for "not losing control" and a few have said thanks for "not beating your kid". "You're a wonderful parent." My husband and I both have been told many times when in stores we take the time to discipline our children in a respectful, thoughtful, loving way rather then the less-effective alternatives.
Anyway... I am so totally anti-spanking. I know there are as many different ways to parent as there are children - I have two children (a middle schooler and a 3rd grader) and have to parent each differently as they are of course two totally different human beings. But I believe that hitting children - whether you call it spanking, beating, slapping, smacking, or whatever... is wrong. You wouldn't go up to your boss or your husband or a co-worker or a teacher and spank them when they did something you didn't want them to do - so why do it to your children who are learning from you how to behave? It just doesn't make any sense at all to me. I also feel it only serves as some sort of release for the parents emotions and frustrations - nothing else. It does nothing for the child besides make them angry and teach them to fear you - or learn how to manipulate you and push your buttons further. It does nothing for the parent than prove that they have lost the battle, by losing control.
There are two parenting programs that are very effective and teach positive parenting - Love and Logic and also PAT - Parents as Teacher's. I highly recommend those programs to all parents for support if they are wanting to raise healthy, well-behaved kids - without using physical violence and fear to do it.
This is the best post I have ever read on this site. Thank you. It is nice to know I'm not the only one here who is disgusted by people who hit defenseless children and bully them rather than parent them.
What a breath of fresh air!! I see comments all the time from "holier than thou" spanking parents who talk about how well behaved their kids are because they don' hesitate to spank. What these fools don't realize is that communication, patience, and understanding are the keys to raising happy, loving, well adjusted children. Thank you for your eloquent response.
The other day I watched a fater with a small child. (This atually happened in a Walmart.) The child started to scream and carry on, the way that children do. I was hoping the father would take advantage of the situation to teach the child that his behavior was inappropriate. The father's response was fantastic! He knelt down to look eye to eye with the child, and then spoke softly. The child had no choice but to stop screaming, because he wanted to hear what his father was saying. I don't know what the father said, but it did not appear to be threatening. The little one nodded his head, his dad hugged him, and then they walked on hand in hand.
This took a few minutes. A smack would have been quicker, and taken much less effort. But this fellow seemed to think that his child was worth the extra time and effort. It's nice to see that there are parents out there that "get it".
Because Wal-Mart is obviously a universal meeting place for rednecks and white trash, who are more likely to hit their kids rather than take the time to teach and be a role model for their kids.
I like Wal-Mart for its low prices, but it also attracts a lot of undesirables....especially around the beginning of the month.
WOW. I don't even know how to respond to this post. Just WOW.
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