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My mother was an only child and it still makes her sad. She grew up with only her mom and grandmother and after they passed away she had nobody. She didnt have anywhere to turn when we were small for support or help. When she left our father(long horrid story) she didnt have anybody to turn to. She started working only to find that she couldnt pay the babysitter and knew nobody that could watch us so she had to work 3 jobs at a time to support us. It is really hard when you end up alone and have nobody to help you.
I always tell people when they look for advice on this that if they have plenty of other family(so their kids have cousins or some kind of family) that it is fine to have only one but if you were an only child and you have an only child then it isnt fair to them because they might end up totally alone if something happens to you. I am soooo glad to have a brother and sister because if I ever need anything they are always there for me and I know that when my parents pass I will have someone to lean on and love and support from someone who feels what I do.
I know that all sounded morbid but it is the truth. Nobody lives forever and its only harder without family to help you through it.
Having a larger family is NO guarantee that they'll be around (geographically or emotionally) to provide support and love to each other. One can hope that they will be but having more children doesn't ensure that they will. I've also had friends who were completely frustrated that they were caring for their aging parents alone with no help from siblings who always manage to evade their responsibilities. Whether someone is an only child or has siblings is just not predictive of how much support they have for life's challenges.
You should only have a child because you really want one. Not because of pressure from family or to give that child a sibling. What if the second child has medical or mental issues? Are you ready to cope with that? Siblings do not always bond. Can you afford to nurture and provide college educations for your children?
Like you all, I have one (loving and lovable) kid, who is now in his early twenties.
He had everything we probably couldn't have given several children and he blossomed into a wonderful young adult.
A few years after his birth, I had a vasectomy, and I didn't regret it one second!
I can think of many reasons to only have one child, we only have one which allows us to focus our resources and attention totally on him.
While we do feel at times it would have been nice to have 2 we didn't feel at the time that we had the energy for it. Since it's the parents that have the huge responsability of raising a child I think it's your choice whether to have one, two or ten or none.
No one can live your life or know what you can handle so it's not their right to say or to make you feel guilty.
On the flip side, I have a brother (for what he's worth) that I was never close to and haven't spoken to him for 20 years by his choice. Fat lot of good not being an only child did me right?
It would be more selfish of you to have more children than you can afford/handle. I have an only (he's 5) and I'm going through a divorce. My STBX was adamant about not having more children (he already had to put his life on hold for 18 years, he wasn't doing it for any longer...he's a catch, I tell ya! And single now!! And takers? Didn't think so...) and once I realized we weren't going to stay together I resigned myself to being the mother of an only. Now? I love it. My son and I are super close and when he's asleep, with my mom or The Wasband, etc. I actually have some peace and quiet! I can't imagine how I would deal with more than one child right now--the only thing I do know is that I would rather be a fabulous mother to one child than a mediocre mother to a few.
My best friend had a child when she was young. She raised her on her own while she put herself through college. When her daughter was ten years old, she met a man who was twenty years older than her. They quickly married and he wanted to have a child so my friend agreed and had another baby. She is completely miserable because she feels that she should have just stuck with one. Now she has a teenager and a toddler and basically two "only" children. You have no idea what the future will hold for you. Don't have a baby just because you feel pressure from others. You do what is best for you, mentally and financially. In the end, you are the person responsible for your life and your child's (or children).
No...of course not. I think it's actually more selfless of you to be thinking this through. I would not have a 2nd child for the sake of having a 2nd child based on outside pressure or to prevent your singleton from becoming selfish/spoiled/lonely. I think that your role as her mother will determine much of the "selfish/spoiled/lonely" aspects of her life. There are plenty of children from larger families who are some and/or ALL of those things without being singletons. I have cousins who are singletons but they've said they've never felt lonely (we have a HUGE family so they were never really "alone") nor are they even remotely spoiled. Be a good mom to your daughter and as #Littledog wrote, if in the future you meet someone & decide to try to have another baby - so be it. Definitely don't do it because of others misconceptions and pressure (seriously - it's NONE of their business!).
My husband is an only child. His mom always regretted not having more. She had some kind of a medical condition that, today, would be easily corrected. He is the nicest guy but not good as the social and sharing skills that being around other children would have helped him.
However, he married into a large family so now he has brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, nephews, nieces and so forth. He does enjoy this.
It is a personal decision; I am glad I had two; I actually wanted more but life is life.
My husband's aunt (lovely person) had 2 older children, then like 15-16 years later, she had 2 more. The interesting thing is that the 2 younger ones take care of her now and have been closer to her than the 2 older ones. She has been an inspiration to me and if I were 8 years younger, I would have 2 more.
Love the child you have and cherish every moment. It goes by so fast.
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Having a second child
