"3 year old in charge?"

[Movie Lover]

I'm afraid this three year old will grow up to be abusive to his partner or go into organised crime or end up being a serial killer. Unless he his curbed now he will not know that adults are in control.

[kimmieyky]

Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner

I read a phrase like this in another thread. Well, here's the thing. One of my best friends, who is married w/ kids, has a son who is almost 3. While adorable, the kid is a little Tasmanian devil, and he's got a temper.

I am not a parent, have never worked with toddlers, and therefore I do not consider myself qualified to speak on this, and can only tell you what I've seen. And therefore, I'm here to ask you parents your opinions.

Anytime this kid doesn't get what he wants, he literally screams and shrieks until other kids or adults yield. If the other children or adults are a bit far away (several feet), he goes from screaming/shrieking to sitting down and crying hysterically. He's done this in public.

If they do not yield, he often turns violent. He will slap/hit other children (including his 8-year-old sister, who is extremely gentle and usually doesn't hit back, and from what I've seen, is never the one to hit first). If it's an adult, he will raise his hand/first above his head as if to strike, and sometimes he will just slap or punch the adult. I've seen him hit his mom and even his dad. In fact, during a recent visit to his house, I saw him take a baseball cap and he began to slap his sister's face with it - with all his strength. She screamed in pain but before she hit him back, I pulled him away and said, "don't hit her! Be nice!..." and he stopped.

My friend told me that his sister wasn't like that when she was his age. Other married friends and acquaintances have kids that age or older, and those children have not behaved that way - from what they've told me and what I've seen.

Is this normal? Is this just a phase many boys (and perhaps girls) go through?

Have you ever seen the episode of 'Andy Griffith' when Opie's friend Arnolf teaches Opie how to throw a temper tantrum? Opie, being the good kid he is, and made to mind, is completely confused about the whole situation. He tries it out on Andy, and is pretty much ignored except to be asked "what are you doing?", "Don't get your clothes dirty on the floor". Needless to say, Opie does not get what he wants in the end - an allowance without having to work for it.

He DOES get to see his friend Arnold in action, as his bike is taken for riding on the side walk, causing his father to come to the station to get it back. After several back and forth comments and Arnold starting his tantrum, he tells Andy to go ahead and throw his dad in jail - he just wants his bike. It is at this moment the father realizes what he has created in his son, and takes him out back to the wood shed at Andy's suggestion.

This child you speak of is a creation of his parents. They were either too tired, didn't see it coming, or chose not to discipline. Granted, there is inherent personality in these little ones, but it can be kept in check - and it HAS TO START when the behaviour starts.

I have a now 7 month old darling baby boy. He is my third and has a temper like I have never seen. At first, I was giving in - he started with 'spluts at about 5 months if something did not suit him. I would give in or do whatever it took, as this child would cry until he made himself throw up.

I quickly realized what was going on - thank goodness - and even at his age now, do not allow him to do what he pleases. We had this issue tonight while getting ready for bed. He was bound and determined to get the lotion bottle. Daddy started to give in - I put my foot down. Believe it or not, the baby looked at me and DID settle down, still eyeing the bottle but cooperating - and I did follow through and let him have it when we were finished. I then showed him where to put it and took it from him, guiding him to put it in it's place.

If the child is old enough to behave badly, he is old enough to be disciplined. A three year old should not have the run of the house, and absolutely should not be allowed to hit or smack his sister, mother or father. He is old enough for some type of intervention - you can guess what my suggestion would be - and they need to get a handle on it NOW. If you do not have control of your toddler, you will not have control of your teenager. Period.

Can you imagine what he is going to be like when he turns 16? Or - he will come up against a kid meaner than himself in school and will be put in his place.

Suggest a book to your friends - "The Strong-Willed Child", by Dr. James Dobson. A handy dandy little tool which saved my life when my older kids were growing up. I do believe it can be found on Amazon.

Good luck to them!

[kimmieyky]

Originally Posted by Rakin

One thing I've learned after raising 2 boys is how important the role of a Dad is to boys. You need the man of the house to "Over power" the drive of a boy and teach him his place and respect. It's very difficult for a woman to keep a boy from being out of control. (It can be done)

A father teaches boys so many things about behavior and they should have the strength to keep a boy from misbehaving.

I may not be expressing myself clearly about how important the role of a father in this young kids life. Some women are capable of providing this leadership but with a boy, a father is vital.

The Alpha lion keeps the young lions in their place.

I could not agree more. I have raised two boys, na dam working on my third. The older one's father is very active in their life - and ours - but they have been with their step-dad since a very young age.

They absolutely needed that 'man' influence to set them straight - as they are good at walking over mom - and will emulate dad's behaviour if HE walks over mom.

Such a good point - Thanks!

[crazyma]

Kimmy...excellent post re- Arnold & opie....
Another Dobson book is Bringing Up Boys

[dr74]

Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner

I read a phrase like this in another thread. Well, here's the thing. One of my best friends, who is married w/ kids, has a son who is almost 3. While adorable, the kid is a little Tasmanian devil, and he's got a temper.

I am not a parent, have never worked with toddlers, and therefore I do not consider myself qualified to speak on this, and can only tell you what I've seen. And therefore, I'm here to ask you parents your opinions.

Anytime this kid doesn't get what he wants, he literally screams and shrieks until other kids or adults yield. If the other children or adults are a bit far away (several feet), he goes from screaming/shrieking to sitting down and crying hysterically. He's done this in public.

If they do not yield, he often turns violent. He will slap/hit other children (including his 8-year-old sister, who is extremely gentle and usually doesn't hit back, and from what I've seen, is never the one to hit first). If it's an adult, he will raise his hand/first above his head as if to strike, and sometimes he will just slap or punch the adult. I've seen him hit his mom and even his dad. In fact, during a recent visit to his house, I saw him take a baseball cap and he began to slap his sister's face with it - with all his strength. She screamed in pain but before she hit him back, I pulled him away and said, "don't hit her! Be nice!..." and he stopped.

My friend told me that his sister wasn't like that when she was his age. Other married friends and acquaintances have kids that age or older, and those children have not behaved that way - from what they've told me and what I've seen.

Is this normal? Is this just a phase many boys (and perhaps girls) go through?

It is not normal but not abnormal...this child obviously has found a way to manipulate those around him. Everytie I see a child this age I always ask to observe hi in the home since most of these behaviors will carry over into preschool. This is obviously a parent issue because at this age they do have a the cognitive ability to know somewhat what is socially acceptable and what is not (from observations) but it seems that he has found his golden ticket which is bullying to get his way, public embarrassment which he knows his parents will cave into avois a scene.
This is not a permanent condition and if the parents work with him now he will be fine.