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Old 01-05-2012, 05:21 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,158,830 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nighttrain55 View Post
1. Sometimes a thoughtful, measured approach is spanking your kids.
Sometimes a thoughtful measured approach is to just punish? Never.

 
Old 01-05-2012, 05:54 AM
 
3,417 posts, read 3,067,220 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Sometimes a thoughtful measured approach is to just punish? Never.
Thank you for proving my second point. There is nothing in this world that will get you to believe that sometimes spanking a child is the best approach. It doesn't work for you, but it work for other people. You will never get me to believe that spanking a child shouldn't be an option to discipline.
 
Old 01-05-2012, 06:16 AM
 
741 posts, read 1,285,592 times
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I remember being spanked by my mom with a wooden ruler, usually for being sassy. It did not teach me anything about good v bad, it just gave me rage, and as the spanking would progress I'd be less and less likely to apologize, and more and more hateful and distant towards my mother. Taunting her to continue, and harder. (Thank God she wasn't an abuser who would proceed to beat me to death). Then I'd just do the "bad" thing again to spite her further and flaunt that I didn't care about her "spankings".
Now, if I did something bad around my dad he would simply take a prized toy away or sit me on a chair in the corner for half an hour, it was TORTURE, I learned a lesson for sure and worked hard to be an angel around him, and that being bad wasn't worth it.
I will remember the difference in approaches between my mother and father and learn from it.
 
Old 01-05-2012, 06:45 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,158,830 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nighttrain55 View Post
Thank you for proving my second point. There is nothing in this world that will get you to believe that sometimes spanking a child is the best approach. It doesn't work for you, but it work for other people. You will never get me to believe that spanking a child shouldn't be an option to discipline.
If you had said that sometimes a thoughtful, measured approach sometimes can CONTAIN spanking, I'd have disagreed with you but taken you seriously.

I am a former spanker. But after a great deal of reading, thought and consideration, you are right it is very unlikely that I will ever adopt spanking as part of my strategy. Most spanking advocates have nothing BUT spanking in their bag of tricks. Spanking is not a strategy. It is a single action.
 
Old 01-05-2012, 07:13 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,158,830 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nighttrain55 View Post
What about the risk that a child never learns discipline if they don't get spanked. I highly doubt there are more bad people in this world who were spanked than not spanked.
Spanking does not engender discipline and certainly does not lead to self discipline,. Spanking leads to OBEDIENCE. Obedience leads to manipulation. Is anyone looking? Am I going to get caught? Not is this the right thing to do? Do I know how to handle this problem?

Do some kids, particularly easy kids, get by ok with it? Sure. Will they infer right and wrong from other means? Maybe. But I know some people who are full grown and don't know right or wrong any better than will I get caught. Is it wrong if the police don't catch me?...
 
Old 01-05-2012, 08:23 AM
 
3,417 posts, read 3,067,220 times
Reputation: 1241
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimeMachine View Post
I remember being spanked by my mom with a wooden ruler, usually for being sassy. It did not teach me anything about good v bad, it just gave me rage, and as the spanking would progress I'd be less and less likely to apologize, and more and more hateful and distant towards my mother. Taunting her to continue, and harder. (Thank God she wasn't an abuser who would proceed to beat me to death). Then I'd just do the "bad" thing again to spite her further and flaunt that I didn't care about her "spankings".
Now, if I did something bad around my dad he would simply take a prized toy away or sit me on a chair in the corner for half an hour, it was TORTURE, I learned a lesson for sure and worked hard to be an angel around him, and that being bad wasn't worth it.
I will remember the difference in approaches between my mother and father and learn from it.
Spanking didn't work for you, but it does for other people. I learned my lesson by being spanked. My parents knew taking a "prize" toy away from me wasn't going to do anything. Spanking doesn't work for every child, but simply making a kid sit in time-out doesn't work for evey kid either.
 
Old 01-05-2012, 08:26 AM
 
3,417 posts, read 3,067,220 times
Reputation: 1241
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
If you had said that sometimes a thoughtful, measured approach sometimes can CONTAIN spanking, I'd have disagreed with you but taken you seriously.

I am a former spanker. But after a great deal of reading, thought and consideration, you are right it is very unlikely that I will ever adopt spanking as part of my strategy. Most spanking advocates have nothing BUT spanking in their bag of tricks. Spanking is not a strategy. It is a single action.
Spanking is an action. Taking a toy away from a kid is an action. Telling a kid to sit in time out is an action. They are all actions.
 
Old 01-05-2012, 08:28 AM
 
3,417 posts, read 3,067,220 times
Reputation: 1241
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Spanking does not engender discipline and certainly does not lead to self discipline,. Spanking leads to OBEDIENCE. Obedience leads to manipulation. Is anyone looking? Am I going to get caught? Not is this the right thing to do? Do I know how to handle this problem?

Do some kids, particularly easy kids, get by ok with it? Sure. Will they infer right and wrong from other means? Maybe. But I know some people who are full grown and don't know right or wrong any better than will I get caught. Is it wrong if the police don't catch me?...
Let me get this straight, spanking a kid for doing something wrong is obedience, but making a kid sit in a certain spot for a certain amount of time is discipline?
 
Old 01-05-2012, 08:31 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,158,830 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by nighttrain55 View Post
Spanking is an action. Taking a toy away from a kid is an action. Telling a kid to sit in time out is an action. They are all actions.

You don't even know what I mean when I say there is more to discipline than punishment. I stand by my initial comment on this thread. It is forever going to be frustrating to me that people equate discipline with punishment.

Amazon.com: Discipline for Life : Getting it Right with Children (9781887069069): Madelyn Swift: Books

Amazon.com: Setting Limits: How to Raise Responsible, Independent Children by Providing Clear Boundaries (Revised and Expanded Second Edition) (0086874512122): Robert J. Mackenzie: Books

Amazon.com: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (9780380811960): Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish: Books

I am done.
 
Old 01-05-2012, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Hillsborough
2,825 posts, read 6,915,214 times
Reputation: 2669
Quote:
Originally Posted by nighttrain55 View Post
What about the risk that a child never learns discipline if they don't get spanked. I highly doubt there are more bad people in this world who were spanked than not spanked.
You said, "You can show us a million studies on how spanking is a detriment to kids, but there are plenty of people on this thread who can show they turned out just fine when they were spanked." You will believe that your personal experience shows that spanking is "just fine" even if presented with a million studies showing it is detrimental.
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