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I would call Child Protective Services before I would call the lawyer. They have a stance on this kind of thing. Here in Florida its what I have said, I have no idea what it is in your state.
I would be LIVID, but I think you NEED to talk to your ex, as well as his mother, before you do anything else. That's just me. Who knows, he may have the common sense to see this clearly and not do it again. I would definitely tell him that your DAUGHTER was uncomfortable with this and that she said she didn't want to go there again.
I know many will disagree and some will call me paranoid but I would NOT call Child Protective Services just yet. I know that everyone believes that they will do the best thing but I have seen way too many cases where they do NOT. Sure, there are good caseworkers out there but there are also many who are overworked, stressed, and not interested in the truth. With so many high profile cases where CPS did NOT step in when they should have, in some ways the tide has turned so that they can be overzealous, just to cover their butts. Tread carefully here, is all I'm saying.
Do you want them investigating YOU, as the mom? Do you want them turning this around and saying "Well, why did you allow your daughter to go over there if you know how irresponsible he is?" Do you want your ex turning around and using CPS in a retaliatory way? He could, you know. He can say whatever he wants about you as a parent. CPS is not like dealing with the police. There doesn't need to be the same kind of "evidence". It can, and does backfire. It can come down to who has the nastiest allegation and who the worker "likes" best. Or worse, where the worker decides you are both bad parents and poof, foster care.
IMO this stuff is much better handled in family court because, while certainly this was NOT a healthy enviornment for your daughter and you don't want it continuing, it sounds like since he doesn't exercise visitation you have time on your side to take it to court if needed.
I think that CPS calls have their place but I wouldn't be willing to go there just yet as it CAN open up a huge can of worms and you could end up with an ongoing investigation into your life. CPS doesn't necessarily "take sides", they are going to look first to what the child needs and are not going to just side with you because you called. They might decide that both parents need "services" or a long investigation or what not and the odds are that they will NOT see your daughter sharing the room with her Dad as "harmless" regardless of whether or not he had a girlfriend over.
Okay so it sounds like a big conspiracy but just saying, be careful before opening that Pandora's box. I know several parents personally who called CPS on the ex and it bit them in the azz.
Call your ex, have a stern talk with him. As your ex's mom what she thinks of all this if that's possible. If he doesn't see things your way, then I would call a lawyer. If your daughter refused to go, and told your ex as much, what do you think he'd say to that? How old is she?
You know, I think you might be right about CPS. I have heard stories like that. It might be like trying to put all the toothpaste back in the tube to try and get them OUT of your life.
I was watching Judge Judy one time, she used to be in Family Court in New York State, she made the statement that a child should not be sleeping in the room as has been discribed. BUT it might be dealt with differentl in different states.
If you have the kind of relationship where you can talk with him, then talking might not be a bad idea. Its good that she said this to someone else that can repeat it and its not all resting in your lap.
You know, I think you might be right about CPS. I have heard stories like that. It might be like trying to put all the toothpaste back in the tube to try and get them OUT of your life.
I was watching Judge Judy one time, she used to be in Family Court in New York State, she made the statement that a child should not be sleeping in the room as has been discribed. BUT it might be dealt with differentl in different states.
If you have the kind of relationship where you can talk with him, then talking might not be a bad idea. Its good that she said this to someone else that can repeat it and its not all resting in your lap.
LOL @ "putting all the toothpaste back in the tube"... that is a perfect way to describe the mess that CAN occur. Notice I didn't say always and I don't want someone who is or has been a social worker jumping my butt... I'm not trying to paint the entire lot with a broad brush. I have social worker friends, just not CPS ones. Just giving my thoughts based on what I have personally experienced and seen.
Many issues such as sleeping arrangements will not be written in law anywhere. They may have guidelines in the CPS handbook for workers depending on the state, but a LOT is left to the discretion of the worker, the judge, etc. and can be colored by their own experiences.
I also wanted to add that while I personally believe it's wrong of him to have someone "shacking up" (or close to it) so soon after the divorce, and that this sends a message to your daughter that people are "easily replaced"... I am betting that if you didn't get it in the divorce decree, you are SOL on that one.
One of my dear friends went through a particularly nasty divorce when she discovered her husband of 13 years was having an affair with a barely legal 20-something year old teacher he met at the school where he also taught (a very highly respected and somewhat prestigious Catholic school, no less!). He moved in with this woman while he and my friend were still married and my friend, through her aggressive lawyer, had it written into the divorce decree that there would be NO "paramours" around during visitation for at least six months following the divorce. This infuriated him since he lived with his "paramour" and had to either make her leave and go to her parents for the weekend, or exercise all visitation at HIS parents house to not violate the court order.
My friend felt strongly about her daughter NOT being exposed to the other woman and the live-in thing right away though and she was able to prevent it, but that was because she insisted it be in the decree and the judge agreed.
Ok, as the wife of a not too bright when it comes to certain things man, I'd like to give some imput.
When my stepson would come to visit, my husband thought nothing of him sleeping with him...no problem....when I came into the picture he really didn't thing there was anything wrong with the boy continuing to sleep in the bed with both of us. His mind just didn't work that way. I finally had to step in and say that I was uncomfortable with it.
We went out that day and bought a twin bed for him, since we didn't have much room we set up a corner of the living room for him. He was actually kind of relieved cuz he said his dad snores.....LOUD!
I say talk with him calmly about it 1st, then to his mom. Make sure they understand that the child was uncomfortable both physically and emotionally with the situation. It could very well be a situation that they just didn't think.
I have a bad situation on my hands which is what landed me here. A neighbor and her son live in a studio together. He is 11, and yes, I know it's weird but they sleep in the same bed. Now she has moved in this total loser after meeting him online just a few months ago. He is sleeping in the home with her and child. I am close with the boy and after threatening him with DHS and other actions my friend and I have taken the kid to his aunts. Culturally because she is Asian and I know her well I was OK with the way it was before and figured things would change soon as he was getting older. Now after repeatedly attempts to reason with her and exile him, I believe she's is useless in the matter. But he needs to go immediately and let her sister and others guide her dumb ass back to reality. I don't want this kid in the system. He is so bright, and so amazing on every level. He has trusted me with his feelings and I want to do the best thing for him. Are there any alternative s to foster care etc? Because I trust that system about as much as a pedophile alone with a kindergartner.
CPS wont pay for them a bed or bigger house so im not sure what good that will do. I also doubt a court will order him to do anything but " get his act together".
Id talk to him about it and go from there.
id just be thankful youre only dealing with a sleeping arrangement issue, there are bigger things you could be bickering over.
I have a bad situation on my hands which is what landed me here. A neighbor and her son live in a studio together. He is 11, and yes, I know it's weird but they sleep in the same bed. Now she has moved in this total loser after meeting him online just a few months ago. He is sleeping in the home with her and child. I am close with the boy and after threatening him with DHS and other actions my friend and I have taken the kid to his aunts. Culturally because she is Asian and I know her well I was OK with the way it was before and figured things would change soon as he was getting older. Now after repeatedly attempts to reason with her and exile him, I believe she's is useless in the matter. But he needs to go immediately and let her sister and others guide her dumb ass back to reality. I don't want this kid in the system. He is so bright, and so amazing on every level. He has trusted me with his feelings and I want to do the best thing for him. Are there any alternative s to foster care etc? Because I trust that system about as much as a pedophile alone with a kindergartner.
Thanks
You need to start a new thread with this. People will not see and respond to this post.
At least here in Florida, its my understanding that a child visiting with one or the other parent is not supposed to sleep in the same room with someone who is not their parent.
I think they would also have a problem with a female child sleeping in the same room with just her Father on his own.
I personally would call whatever department is called, here its called The Department of Children and Families and report to them what has happened.
I know this is an old thread that seems to have been resurrected. Just wondering since you mention in your post that the state of Florida has a problem with a female child sleeping in the same room with just her father, does the same apply with a male child sleeping in the same room with just his mother? What about where both the child and parent are of the same sex? Can they sleep in the same room? What about if the parent or child, or both identify with a gender that they were not born with?
You also mention that in Florida you are thinking that a child can not sleep in the same room with someone that is not their parent. Does the parent need to provide the child with their own room when they visit? What about for parents that have remarried and the new spouse has a child, since that child is not the parent then you are saying that the visiting child can not sleep in the other kids room?
I have a bad situation on my hands which is what landed me here. A neighbor and her son live in a studio together. He is 11, and yes, I know it's weird but they sleep in the same bed. Now she has moved in this total loser after meeting him online just a few months ago. He is sleeping in the home with her and child. I am close with the boy and after threatening him with DHS and other actions my friend and I have taken the kid to his aunts. Culturally because she is Asian and I know her well I was OK with the way it was before and figured things would change soon as he was getting older. Now after repeatedly attempts to reason with her and exile him, I believe she's is useless in the matter. But he needs to go immediately and let her sister and others guide her dumb ass back to reality. I don't want this kid in the system. He is so bright, and so amazing on every level. He has trusted me with his feelings and I want to do the best thing for him. Are there any alternative s to foster care etc? Because I trust that system about as much as a pedophile alone with a kindergartner.
Thanks
Yes you do have a bad situation on your hands.
1. You removed a kid from his mother and placed him in another home. Since you are on a public forum talking about your action, that leads me to believe that you are not an officer of the court. Did you attempt to get a judge to review this situation?
2. What did you do to make sure the home you placed him in was any better than where you removed him from? 30 to 40% of kids are sexually abused by a family member. You took it upon yourself to place him in his aunts home, a family member. 80% of sexually abused children knew their abuser, meaning a family member, family friend, neighbor, and even someone that is just trying to look out for them, someone like you.
3. You failed to notify the police or any government agency to look at the situation. I realize as you seem to that the system is not perfect. I get that. What I don't understand is why you would take on the liability of taking the law into your own hands. Have you considered the consequences of your actions with someone's child?
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Just giving my thoughts based on what I have personally experienced and seen. 
