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before I start this, let me just tell you all that Im 19 and a full time hard working college student in New York, without a car of my own thanks to my mom. on top of years of working up to what my mother whats and gives the family house hold anything I can...
now... onto what I really need help on...
I want to move out. Ive always wanted to move out and I dont hide this from my mother.
my mother is controlling, rude, doesnt know when to stop and is still acting as if I am still in high school.
now that I have a real good relationship with a real young man that already wants to take care of me, things have been going more down hill.
whenever he picks me up, I let my mother know where Im going and I get home whenever she wants me too.
I see my boyfriend almost everyday and I love it
and even though Im 19(turning 20 in a month) I still call/txt every so often to let my mom know where I am
but even all that doesnt keep her happy...
what I want to know is, if I move out of my families house and into my boyfriends house... is there anything she can do?
I dont want to mess up my college life and I dont know what I need to know to start my OWN life. she says I cant go anywhere till Im 21... is that right?
You are legally an adult. If you are financially independent then there is nothing she can do. If you depend on her for anything, she can withdraw whatever support she is providing. Do what you want but be prepared to accept the consequences -whatever they may be...that's what an adult does.
before I start this, let me just tell you all that Im 19 and a full time hard working college student in New York, without a car of my own thanks to my mom. on top of years of working up to what my mother whats and gives the family house hold anything I can...
now... onto what I really need help on...
I want to move out. Ive always wanted to move out and I dont hide this from my mother.
my mother is controlling, rude, doesnt know when to stop and is still acting as if I am still in high school.
now that I have a real good relationship with a real young man that already wants to take care of me, things have been going more down hill.
whenever he picks me up, I let my mother know where Im going and I get home whenever she wants me too.
I see my boyfriend almost everyday and I love it
and even though Im 19(turning 20 in a month) I still call/txt every so often to let my mom know where I am
but even all that doesnt keep her happy...
what I want to know is, if I move out of my families house and into my boyfriends house... is there anything she can do?
I dont want to mess up my college life and I dont know what I need to know to start my OWN life. she says I cant go anywhere till Im 21... is that right?
any help would be great, thank you!
MeowMeow
She cannot stop you from moving out as you are legally an adult. The magic age is 18, not 21. However, if she is paying for your college, then she does have some leverage. She can refuse to pay your tuition.
Aside from that moving in with a man to get away from a controlling mother may just be going from the frying pan into the fire. You really do NOT know whether he will be controlling when you get into his house. I would suggest that you build your own independence first. Do you have a job? If you are going to school, you may want to consider part time work to build up a nest egg of your own.
the above two posters gave great advice. Many women have sadly went off with a guy to escape home only to find out they are in a situation very similar to what they had. You might be better off living in dorm with other young people at this point in your life. Is that an option? You could still be with your boyfriend, but you would have your independence.
What the other posters said is valid. You might not be able to see it yet, but you could be jumping from same old to same old.
Your average psychotherapist could tell you that many of our problems in life stem from constantly trying to recreate scenarios with a person with whom we've had conflicts in our early life. The trouble is, we keep doing the same thing over and over hoping for different results.
It's your choice, because you ARE an adult, but just keep your eyes open for repeating patterns in relationships, and if you find yourself caught up feeling as if you are having the same problems with other people, you have to make a change in yourself. They are not going to change.
before I start this, let me just tell you all that Im 19 and a full time hard working college student in New York, without a car of my own thanks to my mom. on top of years of working up to what my mother whats and gives the family house hold anything I can...
now... onto what I really need help on...
I want to move out. Ive always wanted to move out and I dont hide this from my mother.
my mother is controlling, rude, doesnt know when to stop and is still acting as if I am still in high school.
now that I have a real good relationship with a real young man that already wants to take care of me, things have been going more down hill.
whenever he picks me up, I let my mother know where Im going and I get home whenever she wants me too.
I see my boyfriend almost everyday and I love it
and even though Im 19(turning 20 in a month) I still call/txt every so often to let my mom know where I am
but even all that doesnt keep her happy...
what I want to know is, if I move out of my families house and into my boyfriends house... is there anything she can do?
I dont want to mess up my college life and I dont know what I need to know to start my OWN life. she says I cant go anywhere till Im 21... is that right?
any help would be great, thank you!
MeowMeow
At 18, you are an adult and your mom can't do a damn thing about you moving out.
I suggest you pack your stuff up and LEAVE asap.
before I start this, let me just tell you all that Im 19 and a full time hard working college student in New York, without a car of my own thanks to my mom. on top of years of working up to what my mother whats and gives the family house hold anything I can...
now... onto what I really need help on...
I want to move out. Ive always wanted to move out and I dont hide this from my mother.
my mother is controlling, rude, doesnt know when to stop and is still acting as if I am still in high school.
now that I have a real good relationship with a real young man that already wants to take care of me, things have been going more down hill.
whenever he picks me up, I let my mother know where Im going and I get home whenever she wants me too.
I see my boyfriend almost everyday and I love it
and even though Im 19(turning 20 in a month) I still call/txt every so often to let my mom know where I am
but even all that doesnt keep her happy...
what I want to know is, if I move out of my families house and into my boyfriends house... is there anything she can do?
I dont want to mess up my college life and I dont know what I need to know to start my OWN life. she says I cant go anywhere till Im 21... is that right?
any help would be great, thank you!
MeowMeow
Only if you let her control your life.
You could of left when you were 18
I'd say stay with your mom since you didnt know at the age 0f 18 you didnt know you were considered legally an adult.
Being 18 makes you an adult. She cannot force you to stay there.
However, be sure you're not running from one problem into another by moving in with a man for reasons other than actually wanting to be with him. In as much as it would be nice to have someone help provide for you, you need to make sure it is help he is offering and not bait to have someone to control.
Your Mother can't do anything legal wise to keep you at home. You are 18 and by law can go where you want.
I don't know how long you have been dating your bf or how much you know about him or his background.
You are safe at home and have a place to stay that you are familiar with. Even if the mother is still treating you like your are 16. She just might be one of those that has trouble letting go and realizing you are an adult with adult freedoms to choose and go as you please. It is hard for some parents to accept the fact that their childrens childhood days are over.
But don't make a rash decision that might put you in a worse situation.
Have you thought about maybe teaming up with some female friends as room mates to rent an apartment and share the costs?
Whatever you do, think with your head. Not your heart.
Okay so I read the part about you are a Hard working full time College student.....And I would love to assume that since you have been considering moving out that you also have a fulltime job. But, I won't assume that. I have met plenty of people that think that since they are in college thats it that's all they need to be considered independent. So to give my best opinon I would need to know your employment status.
What I can say is that unless you have a full scholarship. The government (as far as the FAFSA goes)won't consider you an independent till you turn 24 or have a dependent of your own. So you would have a very difficult time getting any Financial Aid without having your mom's information each year. If she is paying for any portion of your college. She as someone mentioned earlier can withdraw that support. You are not legallly binded to stay. And she is not legally binded to assist you with school.
Even if you go through the entire process of writing letters (if you mom will sign one that states that she refuses to assist with school cost) you will still be stuck with a Private Loan which are just complete Murder! I don't see why schools even give them out. But they do But it is not a loan that you ever ever want to take.
And with the business about moving in with a man. Darling NO! First make sure you are supporting yourself. Meaning having a job. you mentioned not having a car thanks to your mom.....Well, it does not have to be brand new and no one can take something that you legally paid for and got on your own. Work!!!, Go to school, SAVE your money. Get a Vehicle then get a small studio some where near your school. If you want to be independent. That is true independence. I would never recommend someone trying to be independent under ANYONE else's roof.
What I suggest may be a longer road to take. But I would urge you to Have YOURS! before you share his. Your OWN is a very good taste. You really probably won't realize the true potential of "SELF" until you accomplish by yourself.
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