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I had a discussion with a friend yesterday about the fact that her 7-year old son has no interest in playing sports. She is very concerned about this, and wants to sign him up anyway.
On the one hand, I see her point about phim maybe needing a push and then finding out her enjoys it, but on the other hand, I have seen a few kids play soccer with my son who are so unhappy to be there that it just breaks your heart.
I really don't know the right thing to do - what do you think?
I do make my kids try new things. I don't want them to be inflexible. We discuss the new activity and why they might like it. After we try it out for a few weeks they can decide to continue or not. Its tough to not force them into things, but I really don't want them to judge activities before they've even tried. On the other hand, I'm not going to make my kids play soccer if they're out there miserable. Just tell your friend to give her son a set amount of time to try soccer. If after, say three weeks, he doesn't like it, he can quit.
What I do is try to figure out why they don't want to play in the first place. Sometimes its just a little fear of the unknown. My 9 year old daughter had her fears with soccer a few years back, saying she wouldn't know what to do and she didn't think she wanted to play. I signed her up and now she loves it, especially after getting her first goal this past year. My son who loves sports is saying that he doesn't want to play football next year after playing since he was in second grade, which he does very well I may add. Next year would be his 5th year. His reasons are justified because some of the coaches are verbally abusive so until the coaching staff changes, I definately will not force him into playing. I do tell my kids that they both need some kind of seasonal activity.
My son had no interest in the typical sports at school and none after school. I was concerned although I understand not all sports are for all kids. My son was built great for any kind of sport and tall...just did not want to do it. Then my step daughter took him bowlng one day when he was about 9 years old--he found his sport! Over the years he actually bowled around the U.S. and became a semi-pro. He spent nearly everyday bowling after school and all weekend, It was his love! So I'm thinking a child just needs to be introduced to a variety of sports but not made to do any of them. They will find their own sport. There are a lots of sports we often forget about like bowling, golf, running, so many. There is no reason a child has to join a sport just because the other kids happen to be doing that sport. Introduce them to many and they will find something they like. Now my daughter fell in love with volleyball. I joined the ski team when I was in elementary school...course you'd have to live where snow was neaby but these are just a couple of examples of different sports. Just my own opinion!
I do make my kids try new things. I don't want them to be inflexible. We discuss the new activity and why they might like it. After we try it out for a few weeks they can decide to continue or not. Its tough to not force them into things, but I really don't want them to judge activities before they've even tried. On the other hand, I'm not going to make my kids play soccer if they're out there miserable. Just tell your friend to give her son a set amount of time to try soccer. If after, say three weeks, he doesn't like it, he can quit.
I agree with this line of thinking, but I would alter it and make my child commit to the season. Along with the exposing, I think it's important for them to learn about teamwork, and making a commitment. If you join the team, then I think they should not quit mid-season. I was signed up for ballet when I was about 5 or 6 years old. My legs hurt after a few sessions because of the muscles getting worked. My mom told me, "Well if you don't like it you can quit." Pretty much set the tone for a lot of what I did throughout life, and I really wish she had forced me to stick it out.
If you join the team, then I think they should not quit mid-season.
I'll have to agree with this. I know if you just want to expose your child to a variety of sports to see what they might like, there are ways around here to do it without joining a full blown team. For example, during the summer, the city has different camps for different sports and the camps run a couple of weeks.
Our son tried a variety - but in our case, it was what he found to be interesting, asked about it, then tried it. He did inline hockey for a while which he enjoyed, then wanted to be on a ski team. At that point he had to chose because ski team is extremely expensive. He did it for 5 years. He always had the choice as to whether or not he wanted to do it again, but once the season started and we had spent the money on equipment, fees, etc, there was no mid season quitting.
This year was his first year to not do it. He's 14. His passion now is more into music, his drumming and wanting to take a rock band camp. He is still pretty active as he will go to the park with his friends and play soccer, etc. Not all sports have to be organized. Sometimes, just getting together with a group of friends to kick the ball around is the best time they can have.
I agree with this line of thinking, but I would alter it and make my child commit to the season. Along with the exposing, I think it's important for them to learn about teamwork, and making a commitment. If you join the team, then I think they should not quit mid-season. I was signed up for ballet when I was about 5 or 6 years old. My legs hurt after a few sessions because of the muscles getting worked. My mom told me, "Well if you don't like it you can quit." Pretty much set the tone for a lot of what I did throughout life, and I really wish she had forced me to stick it out.
Oh I totally agree with this. If its a team sport then the kid should follow through. Teamwork is something I want my kids to learn. However, if my kid is so miserable he/she is making the team miserable, I'd consider letting them drop the activity. Of course, I could adjust my kid's attitude and show them how their bad attitude if affecting everyone around them. Hard call!
And I agree with you on quitting dancing. Same exact thing happened to me.
Being a parent of two boys, we automatically signed them up for the programs that were available in our town. (we didn't have a lot to choose from..baseball, soccer and basketball). We figured that it was good to learn to play well with others, plus the running etc was a good thing. When they got older, if they wanted to stop playing that sport we let them. However, we did make them complete their season. We also took this approach to band etc. if you started it, you finished it. If you never want to do it again after the season, that was fine. Our older son went on to be a 3 sport athlete in highschool and is now playing football in college(who would have thought!) our younger son is intent on following in his older brother's footsteps and doing the highschool sports thing! It offers kids a great opportunity to be a part of a team and have the responsibility of practicing and supporting a team. it is great for personal development etc.
I definitely think that one or two-week summer day camps are a good and inexpensive way to try out a sport or activity (ballet, etc...) without having to commit to a team or to a whole school year's worth of time. That way, the child can be exposed to more activities and try to find his niche.
My parents tried to get me into sports as a kid and I honestly hated it - even dreaded it. Then they let me switch to band and I liked that much better. To this day, there is no sport I'll watch or have any interest in.
They did push me to join marching band, which I resisted at first. After one season, I loved it. Band is another team building activity where you work together with others. And then I got into cross country running and weight lifting/working out and have been doing that for 20 years now. But team sports aren't for everyone. I won't push my kids into sports, but test them for interest first.
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My son who loves sports is saying that he doesn't want to play football next year after playing since he was in second grade, which he does very well I may add. Next year would be his 5th year. His reasons are justified because some of the coaches are verbally abusive so until the coaching staff changes, I definately will not force him into playing. I do tell my kids that they both need some kind of seasonal activity.
