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Uh, I understand what you are saying, but I wasn't asking about rules! I was asking about standards. Uh, I just don't seem to get my point across at all today.
I guess not... I have read everything you are saying as children have the same rights as adaults... to me I find that method of parenting a ticking time bomb....as a teacher, it would send my classroom into a tailspin. I run my home/rules the same I do a classroom and I have very little problems with discipline. My children are not my peers, and I have more rights than they do. But, again, you just might need to clarify a bit better if this is not the message you intend on sending.
Tv is just a hypothetical example, perhaps a little extreme, it could be replace with anything, computer...toys...furniture...
Do you think your child should be "thankful" that he is allowed to watch TV or play with an expensive toy?
They should be appreciative for what they have... respect it... and understand that it is a privilege to have this TOY to play with... not everyone is as lucky and it isn't a need but a want to have it.
Tv is just a hypothetical example, perhaps a little extreme, it could be replace with anything, computer...toys...furniture...
Do you think your child should be "thankful" that he is allowed to watch TV or play with an expensive toy?
Yep, sure do. TV, computer, toys...those are all earned priviledges, not rights.
Let's also keep in mind age here. What applies for a 3yr old does not work for a 13yr old & vice versa.
Do I tell my child every time he plays with something or watches something he should be "thankful". No. But in a matter of day and over time, the parenting method in our home makes it clear that the life we live is something to be thankful for & that there are rules & behavior that will be abided by. If not, the fun stuff can go & we can just do jobs & chores all day. It's that simple.
Children are not equals to their parents. They need to be taught, OVER TIME & AGE APPROPRIATE, that not everything in life is handed to them; that nothing requires work; that if you break something b/c you are being nasty that if you just go by another one it's all ok; etc etc.
I guess I just have a very strict philosophy on the divide b/w parents & their children. I love my children too much to allow certain behaviors or attitudes. I feel no remorse in removing our children from a situation or taking items from a situation if that will resolve it.
But, again, what applies for toddlers does not work for grade school children which does not work for teenagers.
How about if a child breaks a TV, his consequence would be to assist you in replacing/repairing TV? Meaning, going with you to get it repaired or giving some of his own allowance to repair the TV (given he is old enough to have his own money)? Wouldn't it be more effective then taking TV time away from him?
Personally, I don't have a problem with either solution as long as the method of discipline is age appropriate, fits the circumstances and effective. I don't think requiring a toddler to pay for repairs from his allowance would be very effective as the child doesn't have a working grasp of finances at this age. How many toddlers actually have an allowance, anyway? Likewise, going to the repair shop isn't going to make a big impact as it would seem like just another errand to the child. Think about it, it's not like the toddler will be the one calling around to find a repair shop, loading up the TV, dealing with the repair person and the bill, etc. All the child would learn is breaking the TV is a big pain in the rear for mom, but not so much for me. Taking the TV away, however, would probably make an impact when the child was deprived of his favorite shows. A teenager, on the other hand, would probably suffer more if made to pay for the damages and to take on the responsibility of actually replacing/repairing the TV.
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama
Do you think your child should be "thankful" that he is allowed to watch TV or play with an expensive toy?
Absolutely. I believe that all people should be thankful when not only their needs are being met but their wants as well. A child in particular should learn gratitude when something is being provided that is not required. Otherwise, an unattractive sense of entitlement is being instilled in the child.
........Also, back to my original question, do you think that using objects of luxury like TV is a priviledge for a child or is it his equal right as a member of the family?
Anything material provided beyond food, clothing & shelter is a privilege...for anyone, children included.
It is up to the parent to see fit to provide for a child's needs. At the same time it is up to the parent to determine that a child's wants are in line with the beliefs of the parents, and whether or not to bestow them upon the child.
Privileges often come with a price...and may be taken away or given as the need arises.
I believe the OP was asking about 'taking' items away as a way to punish misbehaviour... there is nothing wrong with it. It re directs the child's attention, and can certainly give them the down time to ponder the cause that got that item removed. Sometimes more lessons are learned and absorbed during the quiet time that comes with having material items with held.
the intentional or neglectful breaking of said items is different issue.
I believe that a child should not feel inferior when it comes to using items of luxury. I don't think I'm expressing myself well enough to get my point across... I do not want him to feel as if it's such a priviledge and he doesn't have the same right as the rest of us. I want him to feel equal with the rest of the family.
I think I sort of get what you're saying? That as members of the family children are entitled to the same quality of life as their parents. Children shouldn't be treated as second class citizens just because they are children. If so, I couldn't agree with that more, children's thoughts, wants, ideas, etc. are just as important as their parent's and should be respected, but...
That said I also don't believe that children are equal to their parents, or most other adults either. They don't get to be equals until they are more or less grown, and have shown that they have enough experience, understanding, and maturity to be on the same level with adults. Until they reach that point parents and other authority figures have a duty to guide and discipline the children in their care.
As far as taking things away from children, I have been known to store things out of a child's reach if they won't take care of it properly.
I have also restricted use of a computer that my child built from scratch using his own hard earned money from baby sitting jobs.
His computer so he kept it, but it was useless with the keyboard and mouse sitting in my bedroom.
When he got them back a week later he was much more responsible about when and how he would use his computer.
Personally, I don't have a problem with either solution as long as the method of discipline is age appropriate, fits the circumstances and effective. I don't think requiring a toddler to pay for repairs from his allowance would be very effective as the child doesn't have a working grasp of finances at this age. How many toddlers actually have an allowance, anyway? Likewise, going to the repair shop isn't going to make a big impact as it would seem like just another errand to the child. Think about it, it's not like the toddler will be the one calling around to find a repair shop, loading up the TV, dealing with the repair person and the bill, etc. All the child would learn is breaking the TV is a big pain in the rear for mom, but not so much for me. Taking the TV away, however, would probably make an impact when the child was deprived of his favorite shows. A teenager, on the other hand, would probably suffer more if made to pay for the damages and to take on the responsibility of actually replacing/repairing the TV.
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I did specify that a child should be old enough to have an allowance, obviously didn't mean toddler.
I get what you are saying. You just want to make an impact with the consequence, logical or not.
I think I sort of get what you're saying? That as members of the family children are entitled to the same quality of life as their parents. Children shouldn't be treated as second class citizens just because they are children. If so, I couldn't agree with that more, children's thoughts, wants, ideas, etc. are just as important as their parent's and should be respected, but...
Yes, I sort of meant that. I also don't want them to think that letting them use the same luxury items that adults are using is such a huge favor for them.
Thanks everyone.
Original poster, sorry if I hijacked your thread.
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