Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you read my previous posts you will read that right now I am involved in a legal battle over my son. Not to repeat myself but..... my son was taken from his mother by cps because she is unfit. long story short drugs, sex with random people in front of my kid, multiple arrests for possession and soliciting, and neglecting my sons basic needs (shelter, food, clothing, medical attention, etc).
After 3 court dates I dont feel like we are making any real progress. My son is now in a foster home because his maternal step grandmother abused him. She took him to a clinic for a virus and while they were there the staff noticed that she was a little rough with him. They found bruises on him and two black eyes and imediately called cps. They placed him in a foster home.
I then had to go to court for a visitation hearing where they only gave me 5 hours every other week for visitation ( better than nothing and at least its not supervised). I wish they would have just let me take him home with me. I am seeking full custody and no child support! I dont want his mothers money and besides i thought that might make it a little less of a fight. No chance of that though. Now her mother is seeking custody and they are giving her weekly unsupervised visits because she lives in the area. My x's mother has her 24 year old son living with her and he is just as bad as my x. In fact last week he was arrested on drug charges. My fear is that my son will turn out as bad as him if my x's mom is given custody. Also she told childrens services that next weekend she has a family reunion and she wants to take my son to it. THEY ARE LETTING HER! It falls on my visitation and she text messaged me saying that I am not going to get my full visitation and that I have to go see my son at her parents house! Not gonna F-ing happen.
I feel like cps is letting her do what ever she wants and that I am being treated like a bad parent when I didnt do anything wrong. From day one I have done everything I was asked to by the courts. They told me to pay support and I have never missed a payment even when money was short. They told me to workout visitation with her because I lived out of state and I saw my son as much as I could and most of the time I had to pay my x! I feel like my rights have been violated and there is nothing I can do. When I call cps and try to talk to the caseworker about what I am dealing with because of my x and her mom they never return my calls. My lawyer is a fense sitter and keeps telling me to wait it out till the homestudy is done.
I keep asking to file for custody in a seperate venue and they keep telling me I cant because he is considered a ward of the state. any advice....
I feel for you, I really do. Child custody is always a difficult, lengthy, and painful process. What state is your child in? Would it be possible to move there for now? You wouldn't have to live in the same immediate area as your ex. It may help to be able to see your child more if you live closer and give you a better edge. I realize that may involve sacrifices on your part, but you could always move away again once you gain full custody.
One other thing, does your child have a guardian ad litem? If not, ask the court to appoint one. That is a lawyer that is supposed to be solely for the child and have their best interests in mind, not the parents. It can actually be helpful because they are supposed to investigate/interview all involved parties. Also, provide the GAL with any and all written proof you have of the abuse, drug use and whatnot of the childs mother, boyfriend, grandmother, etc. Also, provide proof of your attempts to keep contact with your child, including visits and letters, even when you were denied access to him. Keep a diary of these type of things.
One other thing, does your child have a guardian ad litem? If not, ask the court to appoint one. That is a lawyer that is supposed to be solely for the child and have their best interests in mind, not the parents. It can actually be helpful because they are supposed to investigate/interview all involved parties. Also, provide the GAL with any and all written proof you have of the abuse, drug use and whatnot of the childs mother, boyfriend, grandmother, etc. Also, provide proof of your attempts to keep contact with your child, including visits and letters, even when you were denied access to him. Keep a diary of these type of things.
Moving is not possible at this time because I have a great job here that I have time invested in, a lease thats not up yet, 2 other kids and a wife, and all of my funds tied up in lawyers fees.
They did appoint a Gal but so far he has not showed up for any court dates. He is impossible to get ahold of too.
Geez, what a mess! I would consider getting a better lawyer, or at least a second opinion! Make sure you (or your lawyer) attend EVERY court date. Maybe during the next one you should very nicely tell the judge that you are getting frustrated and feel like your rights as the father are being ignored. Tell him (very nicely) what you stated above. Let him know you understand it is a process, but that you love your son and just want to be with him and be able to protect him. Depends on the judge whether it will help you, but at least you'll feel your voice is being heard.
It sounds like you are doing pretty much what you need to be doing right now. Just continue to be persistent and push the issue. I agree with treeg26's suggestion on talking to the judge at court too. Just keep your wits about you and keep your cool. You need to show yourself as stable. Don't let them see you get hot-headed. (No offense, any sane person would be tempted to blow-up a bit in your situation.)
And be prepared for some family therapy and adjustment time when he finally does get to be with you. I wish you the best of luck!
It sounds like you are doing pretty much what you need to be doing right now. Just continue to be persistent and push the issue. I agree with treeg26's suggestion on talking to the judge at court too. Just keep your wits about you and keep your cool. You need to show yourself as stable. Don't let them see you get hot-headed. (No offense, any sane person would be tempted to blow-up a bit in your situation.)
And be prepared for some family therapy and adjustment time when he finally does get to be with you. I wish you the best of luck!
I wish you the best of luck too. As some long reaching advice. Once he comes to live with you, make sure he gets to see a therapist of his own. Someone who is nurturing and very reputable. This experience, all of it, is going to leave its mark (mostly the stuff of what he went through with her, the men, her mom, and then foster care). It will be the way to making sure he can know that this was not his fault, and that he is ok. Otherwise, it's all going to catch up with him in ways you can't even imagine at this point. Don't mean to add to your stress, but it's good for you to know for the long run.
I really admire the way you keep coming here for advice. It shows you are really caring, and want to do best...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
