Help with 16yr old out of control boy please!

[bobbyandlorrie]

Check out if there is an AT RISK YOUTH or similar type program through the juvinile courts, kids now days KNOW that they have all the rights! WE, unfortunately got the evaluation a yr or so ago and it was determined that our child qualified but we didnt follow through, now we are defending ourselves against our teens accusations! Alot of kids now days believe they are grown and can do as they please but when we as parents dont protect ourselves when we see signs of AT RISK behavior it tends to slap us in the face in the end!!!Talk to school counselors, call a crisis line anything but please do something! We now live in fear that our problems are not near being over and our child isnt 18 for another year and half! Problems are not just going to go away TRUST ME!!!!

[malamute]

Originally Posted by laysayfair

He's really got a grudge against your mother. Has he ever hinted at what she has done to make him so angry? Who has the most influence with him, his father or the fiancee'? Any sign of drug or alcohol use? Has anyone talked to the old friends he used to have before this new group and asked them what might be going on? They'd be in a position to know. How about meeting the parents of the new friends and letting them know about your son's behavior. They may be able to calm him down and get him to go home because he won't want to lose the respect of his friend's parents. Let them know the police may have to get involved to make him come home since he's a minor. That will give them more reason to assist you since they won't want the cops showing up at their house. Someone should go talk to his teachers and administrators at school. See if they have a clue and suggestions.

I suspect he has lost total respect for the mother and she might not have helped the situation by bringing a live-in lover into the home. Mom's shacked up with some guy that isn't the father, the boy is no longer the "man of the house" which he may have been and this is a crucial age for boys and how they view their mothers.

[Childfree35]

My mom and dad divorced. We saw and talked to our father, but he wasn't the most affectionate fellow. My brothers didn't rebell at all. I think all boys start this sense of "I'm a man" sort of behavior. Breaking curfew and sass talking. My mom put a cap on it. She didn't allow disrepectful kids in her home.

Your mom should put her foot in your brother's azz. That always help. He has gotten away with this too long. He doesn't need a shrink. Not counseling. He need some tough love.

Most kids in single parent homes, when mom is the sole parent don't act out. Some do, but most don't. Don't blame her being a "mom" on his behavior. Boys will always think they can speak to their mom sharply, even when dad is in the home.

[AnonChick]

Originally Posted by malamute

I suspect he has lost total respect for the mother and she might not have helped the situation by bringing a live-in lover into the home. Mom's shacked up with some guy that isn't the father, the boy is no longer the "man of the house" which he may have been and this is a crucial age for boys and how they view their mothers.

You clearly didn't read the OP's posts. Her mother didn't bring in a live-in lover, and the boy was never the man of the house. She's been living in her fiancee's house for the past 4 years and they were together prior to that. In other words, her son has lived with his mother's fiancee in his life since the onset of puberty.

Also, the OPs says this is a -recent- change in behavior, and the description of his friends is pretty telling. My concern would be, where are the parents of his friends during all of this? WHO are the parents of his friends?

My first instinct, would be to find out what kind of atmosphere these other kids are being raised in, their home life, their situations. There might be a whole lot to learn by checking that out.