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Ahhhhh, I lived through that same thing. He is 19 and a half now and he is finally becoming human again!! It was hard, dog dirty hard.
There is no one right answer. It really depends on him and you and you two together. It sounds to me as if you have doted upon him far too much. I agree that he has too much control. Get him in counseling, take away privileges, pick your battles carefully and calmly and firmly let him know that you love him. Get in counseling yourself and keep in touch with the school counselors. Fill his time with productive activities. Admit your mistakes. Forget the ex, he is part of the problem. Prepare to be challenged and be strong. Do not lose your temper with him. Get him involved in futuristic activities for when he is 18 or when he moves out. Tell him that you will be sorry that he will be leaving but you want to get him set up. Talk about bills and real life scenarios and situations. Getting him excited about the future and knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel is good for him. Also, make sure that he is not your only priority. Let him see you taking care of you. Value yourself! Do not be at his beck and call. These are just a few of my suggestions. I wish you all the best and hang in there. It is a tough time in your life and you are not alone.
Ahhhhh, I lived through that same thing. He is 19 and a half now and he is finally becoming human again!! It was hard, dog dirty hard.
There is no one right answer. It really depends on him and you and you two together. It sounds to me as if you have doted upon him far too much. I agree that he has too much control. Get him in counseling, take away privileges, pick your battles carefully and calmly and firmly let him know that you love him. Get in counseling yourself and keep in touch with the school counselors. Fill his time with productive activities. Admit your mistakes. Forget the ex, he is part of the problem. Prepare to be challenged and be strong. Do not lose your temper with him. Get him involved in futuristic activities for when he is 18 or when he moves out. Tell him that you will be sorry that he will be leaving but you want to get him set up. Talk about bills and real life scenarios and situations. Getting him excited about the future and knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel is good for him. Also, make sure that he is not your only priority. Let him see you taking care of you. Value yourself! Do not be at his beck and call. These are just a few of my suggestions. I wish you all the best and hang in there. It is a tough time in your life and you are not alone.
Rating up'd for this post.
You said what I meant softer, and with fewer words...and...much much better than I said it. I applaud.
I'm usually a little too blunt in most things I say.
I have a brother like this. He is completely horrible to my parents. Well, to make a long story very short, while my parents have helped me through college, they are forcing him to go to the military. He leaves Octover 7th. We are hoping it will shape him up.
You said what I meant softer, and with fewer words...and...much much better than I said it.
Your post was fine. I agree with both of you (and others); saying "no" to this teenager is important. To the OP: a good book to read: Back in Control by Gregory Bodenhamer. It's been out for a couple of decades, but it works. You would need another person to implement some of the strategies: neighbor, minister, coach, friend, etc. Your son will thank you--eventually--for standing up to him. Best of luck to you.
I have a brother like this. He is completely horrible to my parents. Well, to make a long story very short, while my parents have helped me through college, they are forcing him to go to the military. He leaves Octover 7th. We are hoping it will shape him up.
What branch, out of sheer curiousity?
Almost any one will teach him manners and respect.
and tells me that I have a problem and lie to him all the time(which I don't)
said that he doesn't trust me and that I will lie to him!!
--U know what for one time pay attention to what I want and maybe we would have a peaceful day but nah that way out of the question"
I have brought up counseling but says that he doesn't need it that I do and I cannot make him go.
What do I do???
You both go (to therapy.) -I say this only because you are raising him without the father, and the child is clearly angry about something...Alot of times males will typically display anger in place of depression, but either way, swearing at you, punching walls, etc., is not exactly a healthy form of interaction! (An understatement, I know...)
The reason I say that you should both go to family therapy is due to your repeated references, above, that he is telling you that you "lie" to him. I'm not inferring that you do, but HE feels you are...So clearly there is some sort of conflict (real or imagined) in him as regards his relationship with you. I'd find a good family oriented therapist, go to a few sessions with your son, and see what transpires from there.
The biggest problem this kid has is nobody ever tells him no. If I ever...and I mean EVER did this to my mom, my father would have put me through a wall. Forget my fist.
Put him on the bus like a normal kid. Take away his curtains and blinds. Take his TV, take his radio, take everything.
The only thing you leave in his room is a chair and desk to do homework, and a bed.
Why?
Because you bought everything he has. He's lucky he's in your house. You've bent over backwards for him so much it appears your spine has turned to jelly.
Ok I'm sorry sweety, please forgive me for being a bad parent doesn't work. A swift boot does (metaphorically because at this point this kid doesn't know what a spanking is...it's some myth he has heard about in fairy tales)
And for food, he gets ramen, and water...maybe a few veggies while you get your steak and eat it infront of him.
Why? Once again you paid for it.
If he moves out at seventeen, don't pay his bills, don't buy him a car, don't pay his apartment rent, and if he doesn't go to school you send anyone you can think of to his house day in and day out to annoy him enough to go back.
You giving this kid everything he thinks he wants is exactly why he is the way he is. Be a parent and tell him no. Not once...not twice...all the time.
He's not even 18 yet, and if he has a cell phone that's the first thing you take.
If he can't respect you, or the hours of labor you put in working a job you probably hate so that he can eat, and have his fancy clothes that I'm sure you buy him, and his cellphone, and a private Taxi via you, then he doesn't deserve to have any of them.
Oh...and all those dishes you wash, and trash you take out while he's once again cussing at you? Those are his responsibility now. And if he doesn't take out the trash?
You take his bed. Floor worked for a few centuries before the bed was invented you know.
Still won't take it out? Bye bye pillow, blanket, and desk chair.
Force him to be a man, instead of some emo little kid with a daddy complex.
Then again you have to understand that you haven't shown him any form of discipline in so long that he will resent you for any of this, not that he already doesn't. Trying to be a parent at this point is probably in all honesty too little too late. All you can do is try, and hope.
Parenting starts when the kid is born, not the first time he tells you no. You're not his friend, you're his MOM!
Hi,
This is my first thread. I am a single parent of a 16yo son with anger issues. He tells me that he hates me and when he turns 17 he is leaving and getting a restraining order to keep me away and never wants to see
me again. I bought a brand new home in a different city(where he wanted to move) and now doesn't want to be there. Anyway, he is very disrespectful, angry, yells, cuss and has already put a dent in my wall with
his fist. He says he will fix it and that he just snapped. He snaps all the time. He throws things and just today broke a piece of my visor in my car because I needed to leave early. I drive him to high school 20-25 minutes away so he can be with his friends. I do everything for him--fault on my part and tells me that I have a problem and lie to him all the time(which I don't) and that I "*****" all the time. Last night I picked him up from his girlfriends house and he started crying and ask him what was wrong and he said to leave him alone. After we were stuck in traffic for awhile I asked if he wanted to talk about it but said that he would never tell me that he doesn't trust me and that I will lie to him!! I don't know what to do. His father will not do anything, he says "I don't know what to tell you"! He's useless. This what my son texted to me this morning--U know what for one time pay attention to what I want and maybe we would have a peaceful day but nah that way out of the question". What he wants is to stay after school with his friends and for me to drive out there (17miles one way) to get him. At first we made a compromise but that went out the window when he told me to shut the f up. He says that I need to learn to forgive and forget. I'm sorry about going on and on but don't know what to do. I have brought up counseling but says that he doesn't need it that I do and I cannot make him go. What do I do???
You have very little time to gain his respect. You absolutely must not tolerate him telling you to shut the f up, He has the upper hand in this relationship which is why the relationship is in such bad shape. He's using violence and threats to control you and you must not accept an abusive relationship from anyone including your child.
As far as him leaving, have you tried calling his bluff on that one? Tell him to pack up and move out now, that he doesn't have to wait another year?
I believe at this point, you can't gain control on your own, you need him enrolled in ROTC like someone suggested, a male relative to intervene and read him the riot act.
Hi,
This is my first thread. I am a single parent of a 16yo son with anger issues. He tells me that he hates me and when he turns 17 he is leaving and getting a restraining order to keep me away and never wants to see
me again. I bought a brand new home in a different city(where he wanted to move) and now doesn't want to be there. Anyway, he is very disrespectful, angry, yells, cuss and has already put a dent in my wall with
his fist. He says he will fix it and that he just snapped. He snaps all the time. He throws things and just today broke a piece of my visor in my car because I needed to leave early. I drive him to high school 20-25 minutes away so he can be with his friends. I do everything for him--fault on my part and tells me that I have a problem and lie to him all the time(which I don't) and that I "*****" all the time. Last night I picked him up from his girlfriends house and he started crying and ask him what was wrong and he said to leave him alone. After we were stuck in traffic for awhile I asked if he wanted to talk about it but said that he would never tell me that he doesn't trust me and that I will lie to him!! I don't know what to do. His father will not do anything, he says "I don't know what to tell you"! He's useless. This what my son texted to me this morning--U know what for one time pay attention to what I want and maybe we would have a peaceful day but nah that way out of the question". What he wants is to stay after school with his friends and for me to drive out there (17miles one way) to get him. At first we made a compromise but that went out the window when he told me to shut the f up. He says that I need to learn to forgive and forget. I'm sorry about going on and on but don't know what to do. I have brought up counseling but says that he doesn't need it that I do and I cannot make him go. What do I do???
I would take him to visit a psychiatrist, they are the only ones qualified to make a mental health diagnoses which I suspect might be the issue with your son although there certainly could be something physically wrong with him instead. A physical with his doctor is also a good idea.
I would also make an appointment with a therapist who treats teenagers and adults, tell your son that you think YOU need counseling and ask him to go with you to explain what HE thinks is wrong. That would be the only way I would know of to get him in to see a therapist.
Is anyone in your family bipolar by any chance??
His mood swings certainly remind me of this disorder although I am by no means qualified to make such a diagnoses.
I feel for you and hope you can figure out how to deal with this situation.
The biggest problem this kid has is nobody ever tells him no. If I ever...and I mean EVER did this to my mom, my father would have put me through a wall. Forget my fist.
Put him on the bus like a normal kid. Take away his curtains and blinds. Take his TV, take his radio, take everything.
The only thing you leave in his room is a chair and desk to do homework, and a bed.
Why?
Because you bought everything he has. He's lucky he's in your house. You've bent over backwards for him so much it appears your spine has turned to jelly.
Ok I'm sorry sweety, please forgive me for being a bad parent doesn't work. A swift boot does (metaphorically because at this point this kid doesn't know what a spanking is...it's some myth he has heard about in fairy tales)
And for food, he gets ramen, and water...maybe a few veggies while you get your steak and eat it infront of him.
Why? Once again you paid for it.
If he moves out at seventeen, don't pay his bills, don't buy him a car, don't pay his apartment rent, and if he doesn't go to school you send anyone you can think of to his house day in and day out to annoy him enough to go back.
You giving this kid everything he thinks he wants is exactly why he is the way he is. Be a parent and tell him no. Not once...not twice...all the time.
He's not even 18 yet, and if he has a cell phone that's the first thing you take.
If he can't respect you, or the hours of labor you put in working a job you probably hate so that he can eat, and have his fancy clothes that I'm sure you buy him, and his cellphone, and a private Taxi via you, then he doesn't deserve to have any of them.
Oh...and all those dishes you wash, and trash you take out while he's once again cussing at you? Those are his responsibility now. And if he doesn't take out the trash?
You take his bed. Floor worked for a few centuries before the bed was invented you know.
Still won't take it out? Bye bye pillow, blanket, and desk chair.
Force him to be a man, instead of some emo little kid with a daddy complex.
Then again you have to understand that you haven't shown him any form of discipline in so long that he will resent you for any of this, not that he already doesn't. Trying to be a parent at this point is probably in all honesty too little too late. All you can do is try, and hope.
Parenting starts when the kid is born, not the first time he tells you no. You're not his friend, you're his MOM!
I agree with this, absolutely. It has gone on too long at this age, he has been shownm through little to zero consequence, that it is okay to do it. He does not respect you.
I'd make him pay for any and all damages. If he EVER raises a hand to you, DO NOT let him get away with it. Have him arrested. See how much of a tough guy he is in the county jail with the big boys.
I'm appalled. I hope it works out for the better.
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It was hard, dog dirty hard. 
