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Old 09-18-2008, 12:19 PM
 
911 posts, read 2,149,884 times
Reputation: 378

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stratford, Ct. Resident View Post
Then why did you mention it in the 1st place? To get a rise out of people? Because you don't think things through completely?




Moderator cut: orphaned post

lol i came back because my "meltdown" seemed to ward the annoying and useless (and offensive) comments off. but i see some people just can't move on. i tried to, and my polite apology seems to have brought rudeness back to the thread.

the reason i mentioned what she had said was to explain how she'll just say "okay" or give reasons that don't make sense, she'll just rattle off whatever in the world. she could've said "because there's an elephant on the toilet" it would've made just about as much sense.

Moderator cut: unnecessary

Last edited by jeannie216; 09-18-2008 at 03:55 PM..
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Old 09-18-2008, 12:24 PM
 
911 posts, read 2,149,884 times
Reputation: 378
Quote:
Originally Posted by CMMom View Post
One thought I had is that she could possibly be making the remark "I don't like myself" because of the reaction it elicits from adults. Many adults would be likely to go overboard reassuring the child how likable she is, how wonderful, etc... She may have said it once off-handedly and been surprised at how much reassuring attention she got. This could be her misguided (certainly not malicious) way to seek that nurturing positive attention.

To the OP, I'm not saying that you're not giving her positive attention. It's just funny because many kids don't care whether they're getting attention through positive or negative channels, as long as they're getting attention.

My philosophy in this situation would be less intervention on your part as opposed to more. Maybe sit down with her at a time when all is calm and explain to her how you're going to handle this situation from now on. Explain it matter-of-factly and assure her that she is loved. Then tell her that you will no longer be responding when she says she doesn't like herself, but that you will respond when she makes sincere and positive remarks about herself. Tell her you will not be regulating her potty usage; it's up to her to figure out when she needs to go and make it on time. Tell her that if she has an accident, you will very simply point her to the cleaning supplies that she needs to clean up the mess and point her to her room to change clothes. You will not be making any additional comments and will otherwise ignore the behavior. Then do it and stick to it. If she refuses to clean up the mess herself, add a consequence (restrict TV/computer time, toys, something that is meaningful to her).

My prediction is that (as always in scenarios like this), the behavior will get worse before it gets better. She will engage in a "last gasp" for attention. Don't let it wear down your resolve! Ignore as much as possible and give logical consequences when she has an accident. Don't try to reason, cajole, or beg. That attention only reinforces the behavior and makes it more likely to occur again. A power struggle is only a struggle if two people are engaged in it. Disengage yourself and put the onus on her. Ask as though the peeing behavior is no big deal to you and reinforce good behavior whenever you can.

I wouldn't do the diaper thing. I think it could backfire. Stick with this method for 2-3 weeks and I would be surprised if the behavior continues at the same rate.


thank you! this is excellent! i was thinking something along these lines, about the remark about not liking herself.. i think we are on to something here....

thanks everyone, (almost) for the great words of wisdom and/or support.. i really appreciate it!
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Old 09-18-2008, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 13,247,514 times
Reputation: 1734
I totally sympathize with you. I have a 4 1/2 yr old girl. She doesn't do it very often but it happens. Yesterday she was out playing with the neighbor kids. I told her it was time to go in and she doesn't want to and is very upset about coming inside. So I went and grabbed her and picked her up on my hip....and I was wet!!!!!! She had peed herself. I told her to get her butt in the house and change into her jammies. When I got in there I asked her why in the world would she pee her pants if she knows where the bathroom is and knows how to use it. Her reply?

"I pee'd my pants so I could keep on playing without coming in to go to the bathroom."

Gughhhhghttial;jal;jf;aljf;alj;lajaaaa!!!

...and oh yeah...she did it twice yesterday. Once at daycare and then when she got home.

Last edited by drjones96; 09-18-2008 at 02:34 PM.. Reason: added info
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Old 09-18-2008, 02:32 PM
 
8,777 posts, read 19,814,013 times
Reputation: 5290
Quote:
Originally Posted by famlife View Post
lol i came back because my "meltdown" seemed to ward the annoying and useless (and offensive) comments off. but i see some people just can't move on. i tried to, and my polite apology seems to have brought rudeness back to the thread.

the reason i mentioned what she had said was to explain how she'll just say "okay" or give reasons that don't make sense, she'll just rattle off whatever in the world. she could've said "because there's an elephant on the toilet" it would've made just about as much sense.

you are a very resentful person, Stratford.. your comments are not useful or amusing. go spread your criticism elsewhere and stop trying to hijack this thread.
I'm not so sure that the people who expressed concern for your daughter would construe your post below to be an apology. More like patronizing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by famlife View Post
man, i should never of mentioned the "i dont like myself" thing.. i know it meant nothing, and so does her dad, and so do the ppl who know her. for some reason, others who have never even seen her face, feel differently. well, whatever
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Old 09-18-2008, 03:06 PM
 
542 posts, read 1,682,467 times
Reputation: 329
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stratford, Ct. Resident View Post
I'm not so sure that the people who expressed concern for your daughter would construe your post below to be an apology. More like patronizing.
That's because thats not the post where she apologized. Its the one that started with

"thank you all for the advice... i really appreciate it, and i see some good ideas on here

sorry to rage over the abuse thing. i don't know why, but that really annoyed me. i don't know if anyone else here would find it offensive, but after the gajillienth time i told them that wasn't the issue, i started to get offended! sorry, and glad we dropped that. didn't mean for it to sound like an "attack".

You are only trying to cause trouble.
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Old 09-18-2008, 03:48 PM
 
8,777 posts, read 19,814,013 times
Reputation: 5290
Quote:
Originally Posted by vukinjo View Post
That's because thats not the post where she apologized. Its the one that started with

"thank you all for the advice... i really appreciate it, and i see some good ideas on here

sorry to rage over the abuse thing. i don't know why, but that really annoyed me. i don't know if anyone else here would find it offensive, but after the gajillienth time i told them that wasn't the issue, i started to get offended! sorry, and glad we dropped that. didn't mean for it to sound like an "attack".

You are only trying to cause trouble.
I was well aware of the other post, thanks for your contribution to stirring the pot, though.
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Old 01-28-2009, 10:30 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,654 times
Reputation: 10
I just wanted to comment on this issue i have a 7yr old son me and his father were married up until he was about 4yrs old. well anyways to a long story short I never thought that my ex husband would hurt our child either but i just found out almost 2 yrs ago that he was sexually abusing our son. and my son has the same issues your daughter is having not to trying to worry you but you never can tell these days on who will or will not hurt children. Just because they look or seem to a nice,safe,caring person dosent mean they are. well anyways i hope you find the solution soon well anyways if anyone has a tips for me how to potty train a seven yr old that thinks using the potty is bad give me some ideas PLEASE!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by famlife View Post
i appreciate your concern, but there's not a chance of that. she doesn't come into contact with many people, and not really ever around anyone without me or her dad around.

i'm certain that it's not that she does'nt like herself. she's a happy kid! i would know if she was having problems like that. we are pretty open around here.

none of my other kids have a problem like this...


it's so difficult nowadays to find help without people immediately thinking the unthinkable. that's why i'm half reluctant to go back to the doctor. all she has to do is nonchalantly say "i don't like myself" and we'll be forced into child psychology and and maybe even social service visits. it's degrading and a huge inconvenience, and who wants people investigating and judging you just because your kid has an issue with potty. it's a scary world.

no, no one is abusing my daughter. i'm with her almost 100% of the time, or her dad. her dad is the best dad in the world, and would never do anything to hurt any of these kids. when they go to the sitter's, (maybe once every 3 months or so) all the kids go. between 5 kids, someone would know something you would think. we've known them for 6 years now. plus they have a daughter (a teen now) and she is perfectly well-adjusted and fine. i am not concerned in the least about any of that.


now, on to other bright ideas... plz ppl lol i'm out of ideas. someone once suggested getting her a stopwatch and have her go every time it goes off, that it might be fun for her. i might try that.
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Old 01-29-2009, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 3,366,413 times
Reputation: 763
I have not read all the posts. I just have an idea and someone may have mentioned it already. Try it for a few days or a week and see what happens.

Don't react at all when she pees her pants. Let her change herself. Act like nothing happened. She may just like the attention she gets when she does it.

Just a thought. It can't hurt to try. When she gets no reaction or attention from anyone for peeing, she may stop on her own. The game will be over.
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Old 01-30-2009, 08:41 PM
 
Location: CA
830 posts, read 2,707,630 times
Reputation: 1025
Quote:
It would be a 'Great Big Deal' in a kindergarten class if you wet your pants.
I don't think it would be. I teach K and there is a pee accident every few weeks by someone. None of them care or mention it afterwards.

One kid even poops his pants on a somewhat regular basis. They like him just fine. He is not embarrassed about it - he announces it himself sometimes.
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Old 01-30-2009, 10:14 PM
 
378 posts, read 771,364 times
Reputation: 327
If this was my child, I would seek every professional help possible. Inconvinience would not be an issue. If you're 200% sure your child is safe, then make it 210%. Why is checking her even an issue?

Also, I agree with making her dress and clean up after herself, and do join an activity where peer pressure might effect her positively. Please take every measure and don't leave any stone unturned! Good Luck!
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