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I say no, if the child doesn't want the parent to know then there is probably a really good reason why. If your child cannot come to you and say "Mom (or Dad), I need you to help me get birth control" then you have failed somewhere as a parent.
Both of my children freely came to me when they decided it was the right time for them. I quite happily took them to the appropriate places and provided them with birth control, no questions asked. By deciding to use birth control, a young person is being a RESPONSIBLE person, and taking control of their life.
This responsibility should not be threatened by those parents who are not willing to help their child through this time, or by those parents who might actually harm their child for obtaining birth control. When I was a teen, my parents would have beaten me badly if they found out I was using birth control, is that right? No! Their uptight prudish ways were not how I wanted to live, and I chose otherwise and I've never regretted it.
Birth control is private and personal, and it's nobody else's business if someone is using it. I say it should remain private, and that young people should be able to get it freely and without question if they ask for it.
I say no, if the child doesn't want the parent to know then there is probably a really good reason why. If your child cannot come to you and say "Mom (or Dad), I need you to help me get birth control" then you have failed somewhere as a parent.
Both of my children freely came to me when they decided it was the right time for them. I quite happily took them to the appropriate places and provided them with birth control, no questions asked. By deciding to use birth control, a young person is being a RESPONSIBLE person, and taking control of their life.
This responsibility should not be threatened by those parents who are not willing to help their child through this time, or by those parents who might actually harm their child for obtaining birth control. When I was a teen, my parents would have beaten me badly if they found out I was using birth control, is that right? No! Their uptight prudish ways were not how I wanted to live, and I chose otherwise and I've never regretted it.
Birth control is private and personal, and it's nobody else's business if someone is using it. I say it should remain private, and that young people should be able to get it freely and without question if they ask for it.
I can only hope that my relationship with my children is as good as yours and they will come to me when that issue arises.
I totally agree that birth control is a private issue and should remain so. Many teens do NOT have good homes and/or their parents have extreme views. These teens face a range of possibilities from being prohibited from using birth control to being beaten and/or kicked out for it.
As for school nurses, I would not be opposed to them handing out condoms. An equally acceptable solution would be to provide them literature and information on how to get them from a local free/low cost clinic such as planned parenthood. And of course bc pills should continue to be prescribed only by licensed practitioners after an exam.
Too many parents and schools only preach abstinence education. That is where you see increased percentages of teen pregnancy. Just look at the media and you will see some shining examples.
I would hope that my daughter would come to me for birth control before she was planning to be sexually active, as I did with my parents. However I realize that most teens do not discuss this with their parents, so if my teen was sexually active and I didn't know, I would rather she get birth control without my knowledge than not get birth control at all.
In my family, I asked my mom to go on the pill before I had sex, and she took me. I was a senior in high school. My youngest sister had sex, then asked for birth control, so at least she got on it, but later than would be preferred considering she was unprotected in the beginning. My mom was NOT expecting her to be the next to need it - she wasn't even in high school yet . My middle sister was put on birth control pre-emptively. (PS - both of my sisters are still in high school now)
I can only hope that my relationship with my children is as good as yours and they will come to me when that issue arises.
I agree, I am fortunate that whatever it was I did, I must have done it right. I always worked under the assumption that if they were old enough to ask a question, they were old enough for a straight answer without criticism as to why they were asking it (tailored of course to their age level). I'm sure my repressive parents had something to do with the openness I tried to cultivate with my children, so I don't necessarily regret how hard I had it as a kid. It sucked, but it sure as hell taught me how NOT to raise my kids!
I'm sure my repressive parents had something to do with the openness I tried to cultivate with my children, so I don't necessarily regret how hard I had it as a kid. It sucked, but it sure as hell taught me how NOT to raise my kids!
LMAO! I'm one of those who tries hard NOT to raise my kids like my parents did. My mom did get bc for me, but only after treating me to a total mental case of hysterics. And then she took me to her old guy doctor for the exam. Planned parenthood at least has female nurse practitioners. Much better for a young woman to deal with.
I cannot see the school nurse giving out anyting but condoms. I say yes to that. I know she cannot prescribe any drugs so it wouldn't be bc pills
I say I don't need to know if my kid gets condoms from school or bc pills from a dr.
I say this as a parent of a daughter, and i think if she wants to tell me, GREAT.
If not? I dont want her to go get knocked up because she was to worried about getting my permission to have sex (because after all getting birth control is essentially asking your parents for permission to have sex).
I want her to be smart and not have to worry about being embarrassed about me knowing.
I want her protected from getting loaded down with a kid she doesn't want or from having to prevent her having an abortion.
At around 15 or so, many parents do not even go back with the children to the exam. How many of you would really want your mom/dad in the room with you the entire time you were getting examined?When my son was about that age, he asked me to stop going back. I knew then that he was growing up.I go back if I want to speak to the doctor directly, then I step out. I trust my doctor and we have a great rapport, otherwise we wouldn't be going there.
Granted, I do not have girls, however... I know when I was 16, I went on bc not because I was sexually active, but to help regulate my periods. I talked to my doctor and that is what she suggested. My mother and father did not know about it and I did have a relationship that was good with them.
I would rather my child take precautions and me NOT know, than knowing after the fact that they were not taking precautions, end up with an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. My older boys have already had the talk about birth control and such. Just because you give them birth control doesn't necessarily mean that they will become sexually active.
We encourage our 17 year old who claims he is not sexually active to ALWAYS wear a condom. I know it gets on his nerves for us to constantly be reminding him, but....maybe if he makes the adult choice to have sex-he will hear our voices!
As far as the poster that said about a ten year old and their innocence. I agree, but ... if your little girl is around other children they sometimes "hear" about things. I teach fifth grade and I am sometimes taken back by what some ten year olds already know. Just because you do not talk about things with your kids, doesn't mean someone else isn't talking to them.
Last edited by raising3boys; 09-24-2008 at 11:39 AM..
I wouldn't want to burden my 10 year old with such adult things or end her innocent girlhood.
I went to private christian school and we had sex ed in 3rd grade (7 yrs old) which taught the basics on how babies were made, and a better one in 8th grade(13 yrs old) which talked about std's and all that stuff. In HS we also had a satanic-ed on how bad ozzy was and the evils of drugs.
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. My middle sister was put on birth control pre-emptively. (PS - both of my sisters are still in high school now)
Planned parenthood at least has female nurse practitioners. Much better for a young woman to deal with.
