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my 4 year old just accidently kicked my finger when we were playing, my finger almost broke and I'm deeply in pain...and he doesn't care, he just ran off to play some more without asking how I'm feeling.....I feel so heart broken...is this normal for him at this age, or this is pretty much his personality. If it's the latter, I can see what's the future like when I get old and what's the sense of living..oh.....how do you handle this case and have you experience this before?
my 4 year old just accidently kicked my finger when we were playing, my finger almost broke and I'm deeply in pain...and he doesn't care, he just ran off to play some more without asking how I'm feeling.....I feel so heart broken...is this normal for him at this age, or this is pretty much his personality. If it's the latter, I can see what's the future like when I get old and what's the sense of living..oh.....how do you handle this case and have you experience this before?
I think it is the age. Preschoolers still haven't all outgrown that egocentric stage ( I know my 4 year old is still working through this) and they don't tend to worry about what is going on with other people. Just make sure to model empathetic behavior yourself and your child will begin to pick up on it as he matures.
Hmmm wow. Not sure. So how do you handle his boo boos and owies? Do you hold him and kinda make over him, telling him he will be okay....Maybe a little discussing with him how other people get hurt too, or have bad things happen...and they feel sad and hurt like he does when stuff happens to him that hurts. And doesn't it help him to feel better when you care for him and let him know you are taking care of him? Maybe when you see someone crying, you could ask him how he thinks they feel. Or why they might be crying, or yelling, frowning, etc....
maybe when you or dad are feeling down or have your own booboos, you could ask for for a 'help me feel better hug', and if he does, tell him that really helps you feel better and you are happy he cares for you too.
Something like that maybe???
I agree that it's the age. My daughter, at 5, is now empathetic towards other kids. Last year at this time, she'd complain that "so and so was crying and it was loud and my ears hurt, wahhh!" without realizing that little so and so was crying because she had been pushed my my darling daughter! I bet he'll outgrow it in a year or so.
let him know that your finger hurts and show your finger to him. tell him he needs to be more careful . all childern are differnt at expressing their feelings .childern express their concern when they get a little older .your son sounds like he is more active .
Next time he gets hurt ask him if he liked getting hurt or not.........
of course he'll say he WON'T and then at that point let him know that when he "accidentally" hurts someone else he should always remember what it's like when HE gets hurt and to think about what HE would want if he was the one who was hurt and then for him to act that way towards the person he accidentally hurt.........
it's hard to explain that much to a 4 year old I know..... but usually you have to do the "teaching" during a situation in which THEY are the ones who are hurt, so they remember the pain, and they remember that situation and can remember that if THEY don't like it then soon they should learn that other people won't like the pain either.
My son accidentally hit me in the nose so hard my eyes watered. I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "I know you didn't mean to, but you hurt mommy. Please kiss it to make it better and say you're sorry". Now, he immediately says, "Sorry mommy. I'll kiss it."
My son accidentally hit me in the nose so hard my eyes watered. I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "I know you didn't mean to, but you hurt mommy. Please kiss it to make it better and say you're sorry". Now, he immediately says, "Sorry mommy. I'll kiss it."
Just because he follows your directions and does what you told him to, doesn't mean that he actually understands empathy at all, just that he's doing what he knows you expect him to do. I do not think that's the same thing at all.
I recently heard a study [Nature 454, 1079-1083 (28 August 2008)] showing that children at around age 3-4 still behave selfishly, but by age 7-8 they mostly show empathy.
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