Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
i don't think children should come first...why should they...you and your mate are first your relationship is the foundation...before kids come into any picture there is always two aldults..loving each other..or just nessin around..children come from us we dont come from them...even in the bible god made man first..and told them to multiply..he dident form children first..he formed man...then woman..and they chose to have kids...so children all children are a chose between two people...i would like to see my comments as facts..so you ask yourself who was really here first..children are to be raised to leave the home and take care of themselves..not to stay and take care of you..your mate is there for you...so love your kids..knowing that the purpose is for them to one day leave you..for their own life in the world..you should love your kids ..and remember your vow to your mate...feel free to comment
i don't think children should come first...why should they...you and your mate are first your relationship is the foundation...before kids come into any picture there is always two aldults..loving each other..or just nessin around..children come from us we dont come from them...even in the bible god made man first..and told them to multiply..he dident form children first..he formed man...then woman..and they chose to have kids...so children all children are a chose between two people...i would like to see my comments as facts..so you ask yourself who was really here first..children are to be raised to leave the home and take care of themselves..not to stay and take care of you..your mate is there for you...so love your kids..knowing that the purpose is for them to one day leave you..for their own life in the world..you should love your kids ..and remember your vow to your mate...feel free to comment
I think if you choose to have children, then they need to come first in your life. Period. They didn't ask to be born and you have a duty to provide the best life for them possible. All of your decisions need to be based on what is the best for them. I think that you need to teach them skills for the future, naturally, but that doesn't have any bearing on how important they should/shouldn't be.
If it came down to a choice between something my husband or I wanted or something that the kids needed, the kids would win every time. I am not going to tell my 7 1/2 year old that she has to have crooked teeth for the rest of her life because Daddy and I would rather spend the $950 for her palate expander to go on a mini vacation together. That would be selfish!
I think your needs and wants have to be put on a back burner until your kids are grown. It is called parenthood.
I believe that in most cases, children come first. They did not ask to be born, as you said, they were created due to a choice from the parents. The parents made a choice to have children, and with that choice comes the responsibility to love those children, take care of those children, make sure those children have every security.....and when they leave the home.....they know that it's still always welcome. Those children were made from me.....my husband was not.....those children are my blood.....my husband was not......unfortunately, husbands come and go.....children do not (most times..there are always special circumstances)......I am not saying in every situation I "pick" my husband over my children....we both raise them so there's never been this situation with picking.....but if it was a life or death matter who to save- hubby or child....it's child all the way.
This is something that every family needs to work out on their own. When people put their spouses on a pedestal above their children, it creates a problem. WHen the children are placed high above the spouse, that also creates a problem.
I'm going to assume that you (the OP) were not referring to needs vs. wants. Obviously the needs of the children need to come before the needs/wants of the adults. A weekend alone for mom and dad versus medical care or nutritious food or school supplies has an obvious answer... the kids' needs have to come first. That's called parenting.
Most choices that we make are not black and white. If the kids want a Wii for Christmas but the parents want to take that mini-vacation and give the kids something else, then there's not a clear cut answer. If a husband and wife are about to leave for the evening and their two year old is throwing up and feverish, then in my opinion, they should stay home and care for their child. If the two year old is healthy but crying and saying "no, stay home with me!" while he's being left with a loving grandma, then that child's wants don't necessarily have to come first.
If you put your children's wants above your spouse's every time, then when the kids move out, you'll be in for a rude awakening... you'll probably have nothing in common anymore. I think this gradually works itself out in most cases... of course your baby will require most of your time, but your preteen should not anymore. Balance.
i don't think children should come first...why should they...you and your mate are first your relationship is the foundation...before kids come into any picture there is always two aldults..loving each other..or just nessin around..children come from us we dont come from them...even in the bible god made man first..and told them to multiply..he dident form children first..he formed man...then woman..and they chose to have kids...so children all children are a chose between two people...i would like to see my comments as facts..so you ask yourself who was really here first..children are to be raised to leave the home and take care of themselves..not to stay and take care of you..your mate is there for you...so love your kids..knowing that the purpose is for them to one day leave you..for their own life in the world..you should love your kids ..and remember your vow to your mate...feel free to comment
i dont agree with your thread this is selfish for you to say kids shouldnt come frist. Far as im concern when you and your mate made a choice to have childern it is your reasponabilty to feed ,love,cloth and make sure their healthy and seen by a doctor when needed, shelter the child also make sure they have an education also making sure your child is happy ,protect your child from any harm .as for your mate yes you need to pay attention to them too but your childern comes frist and as for when they are adults i want them to get on their own and live their own lives but as a mother i will worry about them love and help them when its needed.tell me something are you ones of these people who thanks your should pay only to you and to their own child.
Like someone else said before me, it is not black and white.....it should be a balance. Of course your kids needs should be taken care of, and your spouses needs should be taken care of too, and if he is a good spouse hopefully he is doing the same for you. I dont see why it has to be your kids or your spouse. You take care of both of them. They are all people you love so much, so it really shouldnt be a problem. It is like asking who do you love more your mom, or dad? It is just one of those questions where the answer is both. You take care of both.
Let me put it this way, I always put myself last unless it's restroom or emergency related. My husband always puts himself last unless it's restroom or emergency related. Never have we both been in a simultaneous restroom or emergency related situation. Therefore, the children are always first in either case.
I really wonder if the OP has/had children. I think that non-parent people often only see part of parenting, and that a lot of the coloring comes from the media (read: often, meaning a lot of, not all of, non-parents. Obviously, there are a lot of exceptions.). Looking at parenting this way, it is easier to cut things in the black and white. The whole "children are spoiled brats nowadays" line of thinking--that whatever they ask for, they get, while the parents are worked to the bone, have secondhand clothes, drive clunkers, etc. But for the most of parents, this just isn't true. Like the above posters have stated, it depends on what is needed or wanted for both the child and parent, and it depends on the family.
If the OP is actually concerned about this subject and not simply just a troll, then they should spend some time reading old threads here. I think most of us have clearly outlined our parenting styles through various posts. We all seem to have clear parenting and marriage strageties, albeit different from one another. Several posters, in several different forums, have also pointed out that each family's needs are different from each other, and to suggest that one overall parenting/marriage style or philosphy or "societal problem" applies to the majority is ridiculous.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
