How old is old enough to leave a child alone? (ideas, toddler)
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I was left home alone at 4. By 6, I was making dinner. Edit: make that COOKING dinner. Before 6, I was responsible to get my own food, since my own mother wouldn't do HER job and take care of her kids.
Sounds like my family...
My parents were workaholics, particularly my mom. I had to cook my dad dinner when I was 8 because he was too helpless to boil water for pasta.
I went to an afterschool program until I was 11 and in the 6th grade. At that time, I put myself on the bus to school and stayed home alone after school.
I also started babysitting at age 11 or 12. The parents knew my age (I had made fliers and put them in mailboxes around the neighborhood). But, I was also very mature for my age and looked a lot older and more presentable than the average middle schooler.
Ten or eleven should be okay for a couple of hours, usually after school between 3 and 6, 12 for longer periods or when it's at night. I never leave anyone in the car. I don't even want to wait in the car, unless the parking spot is exactly across the establishment (cleaners, UPS, bakery,etc.) where you could see the car through glass windows/walls. I'd rather if someone were to be interested in carjacking that nobody is in the car. I just can't imagine the trauma of having that car taken and any of my children or passenger be abducted at the same time.
After reading through the thoughts posted - I have to tell you why I asked.
We live in a very rural small town. I have two older sons - now 23 and 19. Being divorced from their father when my oldest was 9, and living only a mile down the road, the boys would often ride their bikes most nights to his house to visit. We had rules - call when you get there, call when you leave, call dad and let him know you made it home, etc.
My oldest matured very fast and at about 10, he would stay home alone for short periods and his little brother came with me. There were times when they had to come home from school and I was not yet home from work. Big brother helped little brother with snacks, they played video games, etc., but were never allowed outside until I got there, mostly because we lived on a farm and I was afraid they would do something really stupid - like shoot b b guns at each other in the barn (which they eventually did anyway - bb gun wars they called them, and they were teens then. Could have killed them!). Other then that, they were pretty free home alone.
Now, keep in mind, most of this town is related (no lie -a family reunion including all cousins,and those related by marriage would leave very few at home), and my kids found it hard to do anything wrong because I would know before they hit the door.
That was around 1994, '95.
Now that I am starting over again, and given the fact at 6 months old there is no way to gage what maturity level Morgan will be at when he is 9, I am seriously doubting I will leave him alone after school or allow him to ride his bike farther than I can see down the driveway until he is a teenager (13 +).
Times have changed and this town is not what it used to be. So many people have moved here, and while relatives are still around (my husband's step-daughter and her two little ones live 2 doors down, cousins around the corner), too many faces and cars have emerged that I do not know. I feel like putting a stone wall and iron fence around the property. Way overboard, I know, but the nightly news reports scare the hell out of me.
I think alot of this has to do with MY age. When the kids were little, I was younger (obviously) and I did not have the fear and knowledge of the horrors in this world. I was most concerned about them burning the house down or killing the cat, but strangers never crossed my mind. They often sat in the car while I ran in to pay for gas, and ocassionally would stay in the car if I had to run into the grocery. I was parked in front of the door and you could see through the windows. My fear then was fighting amongst themselves and kicking the parking brake off the car, but they really knew better (a look from me told them all they needed) and were good kids in public - always.
Nowadays, I only go to gas stations where I can pay at the pump (no, not all stores around here have them yet), and I have yet to leave Morgan with ANYBODY except his father, and that was ONE time for 45 minutes while I ran to the dollar store to regain some sanity. He never leaves my side except to sleep.
Again I think it has alot to do with my age, as I have more patience than I did before, and tending to him is like breathing - it's just easier. I know this will all probably backfire on me at some point - if I get sick or REALLY need some time off, I have know idea what I'll do. Cross that bridge later...
My how times have changed, and how I have changed. So much to think about and prepare for these days! I personally started staying home alone when I was around 7 or 8 for short periods, though it seemed like an eternity to me, and at 11, I was on my own. Mom worked til 9 at night, and dad worked second shift. I fed myself, took care of homework, and that was that. BUT - I was living in the 70's and early 80's, in a nice town. I stayed in the car alone from about 5 on if I wanted to. I remember mom going to the grocery and I hated it! I would color or play with my Barbies.
i started staying home by myself when i was around 11. It wouldnt be for a very long time if it was in the weekends, but when i got out of school my mom (a single mom) worked ALOT so i pretty much took care of my brother and myself. I made sandwiches and chips and stuff like that. lol I honestly think that the children should be mature and know what to and what not to do. On the weekends when my mother would be working we would go to our grandmothers from friday night to sunday night and it would be a routine... very good expierence for me and it made my mother trust me and respet that i was getting older and become more responsable.
My parents were workaholics, particularly my mom. I had to cook my dad dinner when I was 8 because he was too helpless to boil water for pasta.
I went to an afterschool program until I was 11 and in the 6th grade. At that time, I put myself on the bus to school and stayed home alone after school.
I also started babysitting at age 11 or 12. The parents knew my age (I had made fliers and put them in mailboxes around the neighborhood). But, I was also very mature for my age and looked a lot older and more presentable than the average middle schooler.
My parents divorced, and instead of giving me up to a two parent family, or going on welfare and staying home, my mother abdicated her responsibility to her kids.
These days, you can't leave your kids home alone without getting in trouble. Back then you could.
Hmmm good question I think it depends like a poster stated the maturity level of the child, the circumstance and the parent.
My son is 11 but a "young" 11 and there is no way I would leave him alone at home even for half an hr (The house may be burnt to the ground by the time I return) lol.
Besides I am always worried that someone may come to the door and he may go against everything I ever told him and answer the damn thing!
With this stated, I remember living in another state with no family and noone I trusted enough to care for my child when I did those drudged errands so I took him or waited until my husband came home, the way I lived through it is by saying to myself "This is not forever, this is only a phase, children do grow up and this period is not going to kill you"
With this said I never needed milk that bad and if I did the man child came in tow and was allowed to get one candy. If I need to get an ingredient for dinner and he is fussing? Oh well life is full of disappointments and there are things we do for them that we do not always seem so happy to do so they can sacrafice a video game or staying home.
11? 12? I dunno about this age either!
I.E. My son's friend was left at home afterschool everyday for about three months (His mother told me it was a trial thing) he was 11 at the time. He and his older sister (12) were left unattended from 2:45-5:45 everything seemed to be going well. My friend (His mother) stated that she had gone down a list of can's and can'ts and so forth, however one day she had to come home early because the two of them had been play fighting and broke a bedroom window when they accidently hit the window with a bat?
Another horror story?
The same child (whom has acute asthma) and his sister did not want to go into Walmart with my friend and her mother so they allowed them to stay in the car. Long story short the boy who had been receiving shots to control his asthma had recently been given a higher dosage that caused him to have a anaphylitic reaction, he turned blue, his throat was closing and he broke it in hives everywhere, they barely got him to the hospital in time!
His mother did not have any way of knowing that this was going to happen but the point was they were left in the car.
No one is completely safe all the time-- no matter how much they think they are.
That's the bottom line. The chances of something bad happening while a child is home alone, or in the car for a few minutes (presuming the child is comfortable with it and not in a high crime area), are probably not much different than something bad happening while at home with a parent, or in a car with a parent.
Kids die while in the care of the parents, too. Sometimes brutally. There are drunk drivers, or other auto accidents, home invasions and robberies.., all sorts of things happen while families are together.
That's the bottom line. The chances of something bad happening while a child is home alone, or in the car for a few minutes (presuming the child is comfortable with it and not in a high crime area), are probably not much different than something bad happening while at home with a parent, or in a car with a parent.
Kids die while in the care of the parents, too. Sometimes brutally. There are drunk drivers, or other auto accidents, home invasions and robberies.., all sorts of things happen while families are together.
Yeah, that may be true, but as parents it is our job to keep them as safe as possible and make decisions for them that they are too young to make.
Last year when my son was 3 we had to put chain locks on all of our doors. He thought it was completely approriate to let himself out of the house in the middle of the night. Following your line of reasoning, I should have just let him, right? Why bother worrying myself about a little thing like my toddler wandering the streets at night? He could be murdered in his bed just as easily.
Your logic on a lot of topics is very, very flawed.
Stay at home for a little while??? ....with lots of instruction not to open the door for anyone....and in the daytime and if the child has a record of acting responsibly....maybe 10 - 12 years old. In a car in a parking lot...I am more cautious.....in some areas I wouldn't leave anyone. I would encourage a child to come in the store and if they dont want to stick with me.....to shop by themselves or wait near the customer service area. I definately wouldnt leave them in a parking lot at night. It really has a lot to do with the neighborhood you live in; the maturity of the child; any past indicators that they can or cannot be trusted; maturity.
[quote=2girlsand2boys;5576420]Yeah, that may be true, but as parents it is our job to keep them as safe as possible and make decisions for them that they are too young to make. I HAVE A FEELING THAT THE POSTER IS NOT A MOTHER. I agree with you 100% ! And to be certain that I am being crystal clear I will state that I was born in the mid 70's and my mother never left me or my sister alone! I am stating this because another poster stated that she was from this time and I can attest to the fact that my mother went into the grocery store and my father stayed in the car with us so we could play or color. My mother gave us the run of the mill to not answer the door as she took a shower! She met us everyday after school was over at the end of the park (Behind the school) with our dog and walked us home. My kinder year which was ony attainable by bus? My parents followed the bus to make sure the driver drove safely!After this? They moved me to a new school where my mom would walk us to school ( 2 blocks away) which we were not allowed to walk alone until we were 12.
Last year when my son was 3 we had to put chain locks on all of our doors. He thought it was completely approriate to let himself out of the house in the middle of the night. Following your line of reasoning, I should have just let him, right? Why bother worrying myself about a little thing like my toddler wandering the streets at night? He could be murdered in his bed just as easily. lolz! Are our children related? My son beat your son by a year when we lived in an apartment in TX and it had cheap locks and a huge crack under the door! But you bet we got the permission from the manager to add a dead bolt!
Your logic on a lot of topics is very, very flawed.[/quote] lol again! You are just beginning to realize this? Check out some of her/his posts but it looks as you already have.
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I honestly think that the children should be mature and know what to and what not to do. On the weekends when my mother would be working we would go to our grandmothers from friday night to sunday night and it would be a routine... very good expierence for me and it made my mother trust me and respet that i was getting older and become more responsable.
